“In that matter Your Majesty’s behaviour was magnificent. We Ourself saw you at her exsequies: We noted the signs of your countenance and your comportment; and We honoured your splendid piety. There only was one feeling in England toward Your Majesty then.”
The Kaiser was moved: his left arm twitched once or twice. “Your Holiness’s words”—he shook his ferocious eyes—“are very grateful to me. But what have I done since—to lose—”
“Majesty, in the English mind, you are incarnate Germany.”
“I am Germany.”
“It is not Your Majesty whom England distrusts, but the Germans.”
“But why, but why?”
“Englishmen say ‘It is all very well to dissemble your love but why did you kick me downstairs?’ They don’t believe in Your Majesty’s friendliness because they commit the common error of confounding the particular with the universal. Your Majesty is the scapegoat. They lay upon you the sins of execrable taste on the part of your journalists and of shady diplomacy on the part of your statesmen; and they drive you out into the wilderness.”
“Is Your Holiness cognizant of the difficulties which I have to contend with?”
“We are perfectly astounded at the inertia, the stolidity, the volatility, the inconstancy of the material which rulers have to direct, to curb, to shape. We entirely sympathize with Your Majesty in the matter of the difficulties which fill your life. Also, to descend to particulars, We know and approve of your masterly method of dealing with demagogues.”
“I am very glad to hear this. I am pleased to know that there is one point on which I can agree with Your Holiness.”
“We trust that there are many points on which We cannot agree with Your Majesty.”
The Kaiser was taken aback. “I do not understand,” he said.
“Complete agreement signifies complete stagnation. Disagreement at least postulates activity; and only by activity is The Best made manifest and approved.”
“Holiness, I beg Your pardon. I see the point. That is a very grand and at-all-times-to-be-remembered doctrine. I must try to remember Your beautiful words: for it is The Best which I am seeking for Germany.”
“And Germany never will find it in the socialism which aims at that ridiculous impossibility called Equality, meaning the acquisition by lazy B of that which active A has won. All history shows that Aristos only emerges from conflict. That is a truth which must be insisted-on. At the same time, We rejoice to see that Your Majesty has been inspired to distinguish between the charlatans and their dupes. Much unrighteousness is done to suffering humanity by those who will not take the trouble to remember that, when the natural man is hurt, he howls and seizes the salve which is nearest. The wise ruler works to benefit his subjects by going directly to the root of the matter, removing the cause of injury. But We are not to preach to Your Majesty. You, no doubt, had some definite object in coming to Us.”
“Yes: I certainly had a definite object: but I had no idea that I was to discuss it with a Pontiff Who had so complete an intuition of my own imperial sentiments.”
“Our office is to become in sympathy with all who strive for The Best.”
“The kindness with which Your Holiness has received me, and the never-to-be-forgotten truths which You so nobly have enunciated make my task much easier. I desired to consult Your Holiness, to obtain knowledge of Your feelings, in certain matters. At the present moment, You are aware, my eastern frontier is menaced by Russia, my western frontier by France; and, on my southern frontier there is a third and a more miscellaneous difficulty. The Germans of Austria have petitioned for admission to the Germanic Empire.”
“Can you admit—annex—them? Will it be well for you to do that?”
“Holiness, I must:—as German Emperor, I must protect Germans. While Francis Joseph lived, his German subjects were content to live in Austria as Austrians. Now that Bohemia and Hungary are separating themselves from Austria, they no longer are content. Austria is no more. The fragments which composed her are forever disunited; and—”
“Poland?”
“Holiness, in my empire there is no Poland.”
“No? Your Majesty believes that the German Austrians would be happier under your rule. Are you likely to meet with opposition if you annex them?”
“With tremendous opposition. France and Russia instantly will declare war.”
“With what chance of success?”
“With no chance of success. My glorious German navy and army will conquer France and Russia.”
“Majesty! Majesty! And yet—you have endeared yourself to hundreds of thousands of French refugees.”
“Thanks to Your Holiness’s gracious initiative, You may take it that all Christian France is willing to become German—or English—out of sheer gratitude.”
“But Russia—Russia is immense—immensely powerful.”
“Pardon me, Holiness, but do You read the English newspapers?”
“Nineteen, studiously: thirty-seven, from which cuts are selected for Our perusal.”
“The English newspapers are well-informed, trustworthy?”
“Penny and threepenny dailies, threepenny weeklies, shilling and half-crown monthlies, generally are well-informed, generally are trustworthy.”
“So. Then I shall tell Your Holiness, from an English penny daily, that Russia is not powerful in a military sense. The large majority of her officers are abjectly incapable. The ranks are recruited entirely from the peasantry; and are, on the admission of their own generals, entirely unreliable. They have neither intelligence nor initiative; and they no more know how to obey than their officers know how to command. Russia’s defeat by Japan taught her nothing. Also there has been for years among patriotic Russians, north, south, east, and west, a singular yearning for an overwhelming defeat by a European power. That way only, they say, can they be delivered from the crushing anarchic tyranny under which the whole country labours. Even supposing Russia to be united—which she is not—I say that she has no chance of ultimate success against the German navy and army. I say that her numbers have inspired a wholly unfounded and exaggerated apprehension of her military power. I say that bounce—Bounce, if Your Holiness
