Short Plays

you reproach me with it? I am not ashamed of it. The Grand Duchess Oh, it was all very well for you, Strammfest. But think of me, of me! standing there for you to gape at, and knowing that I was no goddess, but only a girl like any other girl! It was cruelty to animals: you could have stuck up a wax doll or a golden calf to worship; it would not have been bored. Strammfest Stop; or I shall renounce my allegiance to you. I have had women flogged for such seditious chatter as this. The Grand Duchess Do not provoke me to send a bullet through your head for reminding me of it. Strammfest You always had low tastes. You are no true daughter of the Panjandrums: you are a changeling, thrust into the Panjandrina’s bed by some profligate nurse. I have heard stories of your childhood: of how⁠— The Grand Duchess Ha, ha! Yes: they took me to the circus when I was a child. It was my first moment of happiness, my first glimpse of heaven. I ran away and joined the troupe. They caught me and dragged me back to my gilded cage; but I had tasted freedom; and they never could make me forget it. Strammfest Freedom! To be the slave of an acrobat! to be exhibited to the public! to⁠— The Grand Duchess Oh, I was trained to that. I had learnt that part of the business at court. Strammfest You had not been taught to strip yourself half naked and turn head over heels⁠— The Grand Duchess Man, I wanted to get rid of my swaddling clothes and turn head over heels. I wanted to, I wanted to, I wanted to. I can do it still. Shall I do it now? Strammfest If you do, I swear I will throw myself from the window so that I may meet your parents in heaven without having my medals torn from my breast by them. The Grand Duchess Oh, you are incorrigible. You are mad, infatuated. You will not believe that we royal divinities are mere common flesh and blood even when we step down from our pedestals and tell you ourselves what a fool you are. I will argue no more with you: I will use my power. At a word from me your men will turn against you: already half of them do not salute you; and you dare not punish them: you have to pretend not to notice it. Strammfest It is not for you to taunt me with that if it is so. The Grand Duchess Haughtily. Taunt! I condescend to taunt! To taunt a common General! You forget yourself, sir. Strammfest Dropping on his knee submissively. Now at last you speak like your royal self. The Grand Duchess Oh, Strammfest, Strammfest, they have driven your slavery into your very bones. Why did you not spit in my face? Strammfest Rising with a shudder. God forbid! The Grand Duchess Well, since you will be my slave, take your orders from me. I have not come here to save our wretched family and our bloodstained crown. I am come to save the Revolution. Strammfest Stupid as I am, I have come to think that I had better save that than save nothing. But what will the Revolution do for the people? Do not be deceived by the fine speeches of the revolutionary leaders and the pamphlets of the revolutionary writers. How much liberty is there where they have gained the upper hand? Are they not hanging, shooting, imprisoning as much as ever we did? Do they ever tell the people the truth? No: if the truth does not suit them they spread lies instead, and make it a crime to tell the truth. The Grand Duchess Of course they do. Why should they not? Strammfest Hardly able to believe his ears. Why should they not? The Grand Duchess Yes: why should they not? We did it. You did it, whip in hand: you flogged women for teaching children to read. Strammfest To read sedition. To read Karl Marx. The Grand Duchess Pshaw! How could they learn to read the Bible without learning to read Karl Marx? Why do you not stand to your guns and justify what you did, instead of making silly excuses? Do you suppose I think flogging a woman worse than flogging a man? I, who am a woman myself! Strammfest I am at a loss to understand your Imperial Highness. You seem to me to contradict yourself. The Grand Duchess Nonsense! I say that if the people cannot govern themselves, they must be governed by somebody. If they will not do their duty without being half forced and half humbugged, somebody must force them and humbug them. Some energetic and capable minority must always be in power. Well, I am on the side of the energetic minority whose principles I agree with. The Revolution is as cruel as we were; but its aims are my aims. Therefore I stand for the Revolution. Strammfest You do not know what you are saying. This is pure Bolshevism. Are you, the daughter of a Panjandrum, a Bolshevist? The Grand Duchess I am anything that will make the world less like a prison and more like a circus. Strammfest Ah! You still want to be a circus star. The Grand Duchess Yes, and be billed as the Bolshevik Empress. Nothing shall stop me. You have your orders, General Strammfest: save the Revolution. Strammfest What Revolution? Which Revolution? No two of your rabble of revolutionists mean the same thing by the Revolution. What can save a mob in which every man is rushing in a different direction? The Grand Duchess I will tell you. The war can save it. Strammfest The war? The Grand Duchess Yes, the war. Only a great common danger and a great common duty can unite us and weld these wrangling factions into a solid commonwealth. Strammfest Bravo! War sets everything right: I have always said so. But what is a united people without a united army? And what can I do? I am only a soldier.