“I am afraid I am a very poor substitute for Mr. Wentworth,” said the jealous doctor, “and I don’t pretend to be kind. But I am surprised to find Miss Underwood walking so late. This is not a road for a lady by herself.”
“You know I don’t mind in the least for the road,” said Nettie, with a little indignation. “How wonderfully cross you are sometimes! If you are going as far as the Cottage,” she added, with a little sigh of fatigue, “will you please carry some of these things for me! I could not get out sooner, I have been so busy today. It is wonderful how much needlework it takes to keep three children going, and how many little jobs there are to do. If you take this parcel, carry it carefully, please: it is something for my bonnet. There! Don’t be absurd. I am quite able to walk by myself, thank you—I’d rather, please!”
This remonstrance was called forth by the fact that the relenting doctor, much moved by having the parcels confided to his care, had drawn the little hand which gave them within his arm, a proceeding which Nettie distinctly disapproved of. She withdrew her hand quickly, and walked on with much dignity by his side.
“I can carry your parcels,” said Edward, after a little pause, “but you will not let me help yourself. You take the heaviest burdens upon your shoulders, and then will have no assistance in bearing them. How long are these children of Fred’s—detestable little imps!—to work you to death?”
“You are speaking of my children, sir!” cried Nettie, with a little blaze of resentment. “But you don’t mean it, Dr. Edward,” she said, a moment after, in a slightly coaxing tone. “You are tired and cross after your day’s work. Perhaps it will be best, if you are very cross, not to come down all the way to the Cottage, thank you. I don’t want you to quarrel with Fred.”
“Cross! Nettie, you are enough to drive twenty men distracted!” cried the poor doctor. “You know as well as I do what I have been dying to say to you these three months past; and to see you go on with these confounded children without so much as a glance for a fellow who—”
“Don’t speak like that,” cried Nettie, with brilliant female instinct; “you’ll be sorry for it after; for you know, Dr. Edward, you have not said anything particular to me these three months past.”
This touch gave the last exasperation to the agitated mind of the doctor. He burst forth into a passionate outbreak of love and anger, curiously mingled, but too warm and real to leave Nettie much coolness of observation under the circumstances. She took the advantage over him which a woman naturally does in such a case. She went on softly, trembling sufficiently to her own consciousness, but not to his, suffering him to pour out that torrent without interruption. She made no answer till the whole agitated self-disclosure was complete. In the interval she got a little command of herself, and was able to speak when it came to her turn.
“Dr. Edward,” said Nettie, solemnly, “you know it is impossible. If we cared for each other ever so much, what could we do? I am not free to—to make any change; and I know very well, and so do you, that you never could put up with Fred and Susan and the children, were things as you say ten times over. I don’t mean I don’t believe you. I don’t mean I might not have been pleased had things been different. But you know it is just plainly impossible. You know your own temper and your own spirit—and perhaps you know mine as well. No, no—we cannot manage it anyhow, Dr. Edward,” said Nettie, with a little sigh.
“Is this all you have to say to me?” cried the astonished lover.
“I am sure I do not know what else to say,” said Nettie, with matter-of-fact distinctness. “I don’t need to enter into all the business again, and tell you how things stand; you know as well as I do. One may be sorry, but one must do what one has to do all the same.”
A painful pause followed. Nettie, with all her feminine acuteness, could not divine that this calm way of treating a business which had wrought her companion into such a pitch of passion, was the most humiliating and mortifying possible to a man in whose bosom love and pride were so combined. He tried to speak more than once, but could not. Nettie said nothing more—she was uneasy, but secure in the necessity of her own position. What else could she do or say?
“Then, I presume, this is my answer,” said the doctor, at last, gulping an amount of shame and anger which Nettie could not conceive of, and which the darkness concealed from her sight.
“Oh, Dr. Edward, what can I say?” cried the girl; “you know it all as well as I do. I cannot change it with a word. I am very, very sorry,” said Nettie, faltering and startled, waking to a sudden perception of the case all at once, by reason of catching a sudden gleam of his eyes. They came to a dead stop opposite each other, she half frightened and confused, he desperate with love and rage and mortification. By this time they had almost reached the cottage door.
“Don’t take the trouble to be sorry. I’ll—oh, I’ll get over it!” cried the doctor, with a sneer at himself and his passion, which came out of the bitterness of his heart. Then, after a pause—“Nettie!” cried the young man—“Nettie! do you see what you are doing?—do you choose Fred and those wretched imps instead of your
