XVII
When the red gleams of the early sunshine shone into that window from which Nettie had looked out last night, the wintry light came in with agitating revelations not simply upon another morning, but upon a new world. As usual, Nettie’s thoughts were expressed in things tangible. She had risen from her sleepless bed while it was still almost dark, and to look at her now, a stranger might have supposed her to be proceeding with her last night’s work with the constancy of a monomaniac. Little Freddy sat up in his crib rubbing his eyes and marvelling what Nettie could be about, as indeed anybody might have marvelled. With all those boxes and drawers about, and heaps of personal belongings, what was she going to do? She could not have answered the question without pain; but had you waited long enough, Nettie’s object would have been apparent. Not entirely free of that air of agitated haste—not recovered from the excitement of this discovery, she was relieving her restless activity by a significant rearrangement of all the possessions of the family. She was separating with rapid fingers those stores which had hitherto lain lovingly together common property. For the first time for years Nettie had set herself to discriminate what belonged to herself from the general store; and, perhaps by way of softening that disjunction, was separating into harmonious order the little wardrobes which were no longer to be under her charge. Freddy opened his eyes to see all his own special belongings, articles which he recognised with all the tenacious proprietorship of childhood, going into one little box by themselves in dreadful isolation. The child did not know what horrible sentence might have been passed upon him while he slept. He gazed at those swift inexorable fingers with the gradual sob rising in his poor little breast. That silent tempest heaved and rose as he saw all the well-known items following each other; and when his last new acquisition, the latest addition to his wardrobe, lay solemnly smoothed down upon the top, Freddy’s patience could bear no more. Bursting into a long howl of affliction, he called aloud upon Nettie to explain that mystery. Was he going to be sent away? Was some mysterious executioner, black man, or other horrid vision of fate, coming for the victim? Freddy’s appeal roused from her work the abdicated family sovereign. “If I’m to be sent away, I shan’t go!” cried Freddy. “I’ll run off and come back again. I shan’t go anywhere unless you go, Nettie. I’ll hold on so fast, you can’t put me away; and, oh, I’ll be good!—I’ll be so good!” Nettie, who was not much given to caresses, came up and put sudden arms round her special nursling. She laid her cheek to his, with a little outbreak of natural emotion. “It is I who am to be sent away!” cried Nettie, yielding for a moment to the natural bitterness. Then she bethought herself of certain thoughts of comfort which had not failed to interject themselves into her heart, and withdrew with a little precipitation, alarmed by the inconsistency—the insincerity of her feelings. “Get up, Freddy; you are not going away, except home to the colony, where you want to go,” she said. “Be good, all the same; for you know you must not trouble mamma. And make haste, and don’t be always calling for Nettie. Don’t you know you must do without Nettie some time? Jump up, and be a man.”
“When I am a man, I shan’t want you,” said Freddy, getting up with reluctance; “but I can’t be a man now. And what am I to do with the buttons if you won’t help me? I shall not have buttons like those when I am a man.”
It was not in human nature to refrain from giving the little savage an admonitory shake. “That is all I am good for—nothing but buttons!” said Nettie, with whimsical mortification. When they went down to breakfast, she sent the child before her, and came last instead of first, waiting till they were all assembled. Mrs. Fred watched her advent with apprehensive eyes. Thinking it over after her first triumph, it occurred to Mrs. Fred that the loss of Nettie would make a serious difference to her own comfort. Who was to take charge of the children, and conduct those vulgar affairs for which Susan’s feelings disqualified her? She did her best to decipher the pale face which appeared over the breakfast cups and saucers opposite. What did Nettie mean to do? Susan revolved the question in considerable panic, seeing but too clearly that the firm little hand no longer trembled, and that Nettie was absorbed by her own thoughts—thoughts with which her present companions had but little to do. Mrs. Fred essayed another stroke.
“Perhaps I was hasty, Nettie, last night; but Richard, you know, poor fellow,” said Susan, “was not to be put off. It won’t make any difference between you and me, Nettie dear? We have always been so united, whatever has happened; and the children are so fond of you; and as for me,” said Mrs. Fred, putting back the strings of her cap, and pressing her handkerchief upon her eyes, “with my health, and after all I have gone through, how I could ever exist without you, I can’t tell; and Richard will be so pleased—”
“I don’t want to hear anything about Richard, please,” said Nettie—“not so far as I am concerned. I should have taken you out, and taken care of you, had you chosen me; but you can’t have two people, you know. One is enough for anybody. Never mind what we are talking about, Freddy. It is only your buttons—nothing else. As long as you were my business, I should have scorned to complain,” said Nettie, with
