Heartbreak House

mad. Lady Utterword He isn’t mad. That’s the way to manage him. If you were a mother, you’d understand. Hector Mother! What are you up to now? Lady Utterword It’s quite simple. When the children got nerves and were naughty, I smacked them just enough to give them a good cry and a healthy nervous shock. They went to sleep and were quite good afterwards. Well, I can’t smack Randall: he is too big; so when he gets nerves and is naughty, I just rag him till he cries. He will be all right now. Look: he is half asleep already. Which is quite true. Randall Waking up indignantly. I’m not. You are most cruel, Ariadne. Sentimentally. But I suppose I must forgive you, as usual. He checks himself in the act of yawning. Lady Utterword To Hector. Is the explanation satisfactory, dread warrior? Hector Some day I shall kill you, if you go too far. I thought you were a fool. Lady Utterword Laughing. Everybody does, at first. But I am not such a fool as I look. She rises complacently. Now, Randall, go to bed. You will be a good boy in the morning. Randall Only very faintly rebellious. I’ll go to bed when I like. It isn’t ten yet. Lady Utterword It is long past ten. See that he goes to bed at once, Hector. She goes into the garden. Hector Is there any slavery on earth viler than this slavery of men to women? Randall Rising resolutely. I’ll not speak to her tomorrow. I’ll not speak to her for another week. I’ll give her such a lesson. I’ll go straight to bed without bidding her good night. He makes for the door leading to the hall. Hector You are under a spell, man. Old Shotover sold himself to the devil in Zanzibar. The devil gave him a black witch for a wife; and these two demon daughters are their mystical progeny. I am tied to Hesione’s apron-string; but I’m her husband; and if I did go stark staring mad about her, at least we became man and wife. But why should you let yourself be dragged about and beaten by Ariadne as a toy donkey is dragged about and beaten by a child? What do you get by it? Are you her lover? Randall You must not misunderstand me. In a higher sense⁠—in a Platonic sense⁠— Hector Psha! Platonic sense! She makes you her servant; and when payday comes round, she bilks you: that is what you mean. Randall Feebly. Well, if I don’t mind, I don’t see what business it is of yours. Besides, I tell you I am going to punish her. You shall see: I know how to deal with women. I’m really very sleepy. Say good night to Mrs. Hushabye for me, will you, like a good chap. Good night. He hurries out. Hector Poor wretch! Oh women! women! women! He lifts his fists in invocation to heaven. Fall. Fall and crush. He goes out into the garden.

Act III

In the garden, Hector, as he comes out through the glass door of the poop, finds Lady Utterword lying voluptuously in the hammock on the east side of the flagstaff, in the circle of light cast by the electric arc, which is like a moon in its opal globe. Beneath the head of the hammock, a campstool. On the other side of the flagstaff, on the long garden seat, Captain Shotover is asleep, with Ellie beside him, leaning affectionately against him on his right hand. On his left is a deck chair. Behind them in the gloom, Hesione is strolling about with Mangan. It is a fine still night, moonless.

Lady Utterword	What a lovely night! It seems made for us.
Hector	The night takes no interest in us. What are we to the night? He sits down moodily in the deck chair.
Ellie	Dreamily, nestling against the Captain. Its beauty soaks into my nerves. In the night there is peace for the old and hope for the young.
Hector	Is that remark your own?
Ellie	No. Only the last thing the captain said before he went to sleep.
Captain Shotover	I’m not asleep.
Hector	Randall is. Also Mr. Mazzini Dunn. Mangan, too, probably.
Mangan	No.
Hector	Oh, you are there. I thought Hesione would have sent you to bed by this time.
Mrs. Hushabye	Coming to the back of the garden seat, into the light, with Mangan. I think I shall. He keeps telling me he has a presentiment that he is going to die. I never met a man so greedy for sympathy.
Mangan	Plaintively. But I have a presentiment. I really have. And you wouldn’t listen.
Mrs. Hushabye	I was listening for something else. There was a sort of splendid drumming in the sky. Did none of you hear it? It came from a distance and then died away.
Mangan	I tell you it was a train.
Mrs. Hushabye	And I tell you, Alf, there is no train at this hour. The last is nine forty-five.
Mangan	But a goods train.
Mrs. Hushabye	Not on our little line. They tack a truck on to the passenger train. What can it have been, Hector?
Hector	Heaven’s threatening growl of disgust at us useless futile creatures. Fiercely. I tell you, one of two things must happen. Either out of that darkness some new creation will come to supplant us as we have supplanted the animals, or the heavens will fall in thunder and destroy us.
Lady Utterword	In a cool instructive manner, wallowing comfortably in her hammock. We have not supplanted the animals, Hector. Why do you ask heaven to destroy this house, which could be made quite comfortable if Hesione had any notion of how to live? Don’t you know what is wrong with it?
Hector	We are wrong with it. There is no sense in us. We are useless, dangerous, and ought to be abolished.
Lady Utterword	Nonsense! Hastings