The Mule-Bone

Didn’t I hear you coming down de track all whistling and everything? Dave Youse a big ole Georgy-something-ain’t-so! I done got my belly full of Daisy Sat’day night. She can’t snore in my ear no more. Daisy Indignantly. Whut you come here low-ratin’ me for, Dave Carter? I ain’t done nothin’ to you but treat you white. Who come rubbed yo’ ole head for you yestiddy if it wasn’t me? Dave Yeah, you rubbed my head all right, and I lakted dat. But everybody say you done toted a pan to Joe Clark’s barn for Jim before I seen you. Daisy Think I was going to let Jim lay there ’thout nothing fitten for a dog to eat? Dave That’s all right, Daisy. If you want to pay Jim for knockin’ me in de head, all right. But I’m a man in a class⁠ ⁠… in a class to myself and nobody knows my name. Jim Snatching Daisy around to face him. Was you over to Dave’s house yestiddy rubbing his ole head and cloaking wid him to run me outa town⁠ ⁠… and me looked up in dat barn wid de cows and mules? Daisy Sobbing. All both of y’all hollerin’ at me an’ fussin’ me just cause I tries to be nice⁠ ⁠… and neither one of y’all don’t keer nothin’ bout me. Both Boys glare at each other over Daisy’s head and both try to hug her at the same time. She violently wrenches herself away from both and makes as if to move on. Daisy Leave me go! Take yo’ rusty pams offen me. I’m going on back to my workplace. I just got off to see bout y’all and look how y’all treat me. Jim Wait a minute, Daisy. I love you like God loves Gabriel⁠ ⁠… and dat’s His best angel. Dave Daisy, I love you harder than de thunder can bump a sump⁠ ⁠… if I don’t⁠ ⁠… God’s a gopher. Daisy Brightening. Dat’s de first time you ever said so. Dave & Jim Who? Jim Whut you hollering “Who” for? Yo’ fat don’t fit no limb. Dave Speak when you spoken to⁠ ⁠… come when you called, next fall you’ll be my coon houn’ dog. Jim Table dat discussion. Turning to Daisy. You ain’t never give me no chance to talk wid you right. Dave You made me feel like you was trying to put de Ned book on me all de time. Do you love me sho nuff, Daisy? Daisy Blooming again into coquetry. Aw, y’all better stop dat. You know you don’t mean it. Dave Who don’t mean it? Lemme tell you something, mama, if you was mine I wouldn’t have you counting no ties wid yo’ pretty lil toes. Know whut I’d do? Daisy Coyly. Naw, whut would you do? Dave I’d buy you a whole passenger train⁠ ⁠… and hire some mens to run it for you. Daisy Happily. Oo‑ooh, Dave. Jim

To Dave.

De wind may blow, de doorway slam
Dat shut you shootin’ ain’t worth a dam.

To Daisy. I’d buy you a great big ole ship⁠ ⁠… and then, baby, I’d buy you a ocean to sail yo’ ship on.

Daisy Happily. Oo‑ooh, Jim. Dave

To Jim.

A long tain, a short caboose
Dat lie whut you shootin’, ain’t no use.

To Daisy. Miss Daisy, know what I’d do for you?

Daisy Naw, whut? Dave I’d come down de river riding a mud cat and loading a minnow. Daisy Lawd, Dave, you sho is propaganda. Jim Peevishly. Naw he ain’t⁠ ⁠… he’s just lying⁠ ⁠… he’s a noble liar. Know whut I’d do if you was mine? Daisy Naw, Jim. Jim I’d make a panther wash yl’ dishes and a ’gater chop yo’ wood for you. Dave Daisy, how come you let Jim lie lak dat? He’s as big as a liar as he is a man. But sho nuff now, laying all sides to jokes, Jim there don’t even know how to answer you. If you don’t b’lieve it⁠ ⁠… ast him something. Daisy To Jim. You like me much, Jim? Jim Enthusiastically. Yeah, Daisy I sho do. Dave Triumphant. See dat! I tole you he didn’t know how to answer nobody like you. If he was talking to some of them ol’ funny looking gals over town he’d be answering ’em just right. But he got to learn how to answer you. Now you ast me something and see how I answer you. Daisy Do you like me, Dave? Dave Very properly in a falsetto voice. Yes ma’am! Dat’s de way to answer swell folks like you. Furthermore, less we prove which one of us love you do best right now. To Jim. Jim, how much time would you do on de chain-gang for dis ’oman? Jim Twenty years and like it. Dave See dat, Daisy? Dat nigger ain’t willin’ to do no time for you. I’d beg de judge to gimme life. Both Jim and Dave laugh. Daisy Y’all doin’ all dis bookooin’ out here on de railroad track but I bet y’all crazy ’bout Bootsie and Teets and a whole heap of other gals. Jim Cross my feet and hope to die! I’d ruther see all de other wimmen folks in de worl’ dead than for you to have de toothache. Dave If I was dead and any other woman come near my coffin de undertaker would have to do his job all over⁠ ⁠… ’cause I’d git right up and walk off. Furthermore, Miss Daisy, ma’am, also ma’am, which would you ruther be a lark a flying or a dove a settin’⁠ ⁠… ma’am, also ma’am? Daisy ’Course I’d ruther be a dove. Jim Miss Daisy, ma’am, also ma’am⁠ ⁠… if you marry dis nigger over my head, I’m going to git me a green hickory club and season it over yo’ head. Dave Don’t you be skeered, baby⁠ ⁠… papa kin take keer a you. To Jim. Countin’ from de finger suiting the action to the word back to de thumb⁠ ⁠… start anything I got you some. Jim Aw, I don’t want no more fight wid you, Dave. Dave Who said anything about fighting? We just