“Dick”—said the dwarf, thrusting his head in at the door, “my pet, my pupil, the apple of my eye, hey, hey!”
“Oh you’re there, are you?” returned Mr. Swiveller, “how are you?”
“How’s Dick?” retorted Quilp. “How’s the cream of clerkship, eh?”
“Why, rather sour, Sir,” replied Mr. Swiveller. “Beginning to border upon cheesiness, in fact.”
“What’s the matter?” said the dwarf, advancing. “Has Sally proved unkind. ‘Of all the girls that are so smart, there’s none like—’ eh Dick!”
“Certainly not,” replied Mr. Swiveller, eating his dinner with great gravity, “none like her. She’s the sphynx of private life is Sally B.”
“You’re out of spirits,” said Quilp, drawing up a chair. “What’s the matter?”
“The law don’t agree with me” returned Dick. “It isn’t moist enough, and there’s too much confinement. I have been thinking of running away.”
“Bah!” said the dwarf. “Where would you run to, Dick?”
“I don’t know” returned Mr. Swiveller. “Towards Highgate, I suppose. Perhaps the bells might strike up ‘Turn again Swiveller, Lord Mayor of London.’ Whittington’s name was Dick. I wish cats were scarcer.”
Quilp looked at his companion with his eyes screwed up into a comical expression of curiosity, and patiently awaited his further explanation; upon which, however, Mr. Swiveller appeared in no hurry to enter, as he ate a very long dinner in profound silence, and finally pushed away his plate, threw himself back into his chair, folded his arms, and stared ruefully at the fire, in which some ends of cigars were smoking on their own account, and sending up a fragrant odour.
“Perhaps you’d like a bit of cake”—said Dick, at last turning to the dwarf. “You’re quite welcome to it. You ought to be, for it’s of your making.”
“What do you mean?” said Quilp.
Mr. Swiveller replied by taking from his pocket a small and very greasy parcel, slowly unfolding it, and displaying a little slab of plum cake, extremely indigestible in appearance, and bordered with a paste of white sugar an inch and a half deep.
“What should you say this was?” demanded Mr. Swiveller.
“It looks like bride-cake” replied the dwarf, grinning.
“And whose should you say it was?” inquired Mr. Swiveller, rubbing the pastry against his nose with a dreadful calmness. “Whose?”
“Not—”
“Yes” said Dick, “the same. You needn’t mention her name. There’s no such name now. Her name is Cheggs now, Sophy Cheggs. Yet loved I as man never loved that hadn’t wooden legs, and my heart, my heart is breaking for the love of Sophy Cheggs.”
With this extemporary adaptation of a popular ballad to the distressing circumstances of his own case, Mr. Swiveller folded up the parcel again, beat it very flat between the palms of his hands, thrust it into his breast, buttoned his coat over it, and folded his arms upon the whole.
“Now I hope you’re satisfied sir”—said Dick; “and I hope Fred’s satisfied. You went partners in the mischief, and I hope you like it. This is the triumph I was to have, is it? It’s like the old country-dance of that name, where there are two gentlemen to one lady, and one has her and the other hasn’t, but comes limping up behind to make out the figure. But it’s Destiny, and mine’s a crusher!”
Disguising his secret joy in Mr. Swiveller’s defeat, Daniel Quilp adopted the surest means of soothing him, by ringing the bell, and ordering in a supply of rosy wine (that is to say of its usual representative), which he put about with great alacrity, calling upon Mr. Swiveller to pledge him in various toasts derisive of Cheggs, and eulogistic of the happiness of single men. Such was their impression on Mr. Swiveller, coupled with the reflection that no man could oppose his destiny, that in a very short space of time his spirits rose surprisingly, and he was enabled to give the dwarf an account of the receipt of the cake, which, it appeared, had been brought to Bevis Marks by the two surviving Miss Wackleses in person, and delivered at the office door with much giggling and joyfulness.
“Ha!” said Quilp. “It will be our turn to giggle soon. And that reminds me—you spoke of young Trent—where is he?”
Mr. Swiveller explained that his respectable friend had recently accepted a responsible situation in a locomotive gaming-house, and was at that time absent on a professional tour among the adventurous spirits of Great Britain.
“That’s unfortunate” said the dwarf, “for I came, in fact, to ask you about him. A thought has occurred to me. Dick; your friend over the way—”
“Which friend?”
“In the first floor.”
“Yes?”
“Your friend in the first floor, Dick, may know him.”
“No he don’t,” said Mr. Swiveller, shaking his head.
“Don’t. No, because he has never seen him,” rejoined Quilp; “but if we were to bring them together, who knows, Dick, but Fred, properly introduced, would serve his turn almost as well as little Nell or her grandfather—who knows but it might make the young fellow’s fortune, and, through him, yours, eh?”
“Why, the fact is, you see,” said Mr. Swiveller, “that they have been brought together.”
“Have been!” cried the dwarf, looking suspiciously at his companion. “Through whose means?”
“Through mine,” said Dick, slightly confused. “Didn’t I mention it to you the last time you called over yonder?”
“You know you didn’t,” returned the dwarf.
“I believe you’re right,” said Dick. “No. I didn’t, I recollect. Oh yes, I brought ’em together that very day. It was Fred’s suggestion.”
“And what came of it?”
“Why, instead of my friend’s bursting into tears when he knew who Fred was, embracing him kindly, and telling him that he was his grandfather, or his grandmother in disguise, (which we fully expected), he flew into a tremendous passion; called him all manner of names; said it was in a great measure his fault that little Nell and the old gentleman had ever been brought to poverty; didn’t hint at our taking anything to drink; and—and in short rather turned us out of the room than otherwise.”
“That’s strange,” said the dwarf, musing.
“So we remarked to each other
