He felt a thing all rough, and long y-hair’d,
And saidë; “Fy, alas! what have I do?”
“Te he!” quoth she, and clapt the window to;
And Absolon went forth at sorry pace.
“A beard, a beard,” said Hendy Nicholas;
“By God’s corpus, this game went fair and well.”
This silly Absolon heard every deal,1148
And on his lip he gan for anger bite;
And to himself he said, “I shall thee quite.1149
Who rubbeth now, who frotteth1150 now his lips
With dust, with sand, with straw, with cloth, with chips,
But Absolon? that saith full oft, “Alas!
My soul betake I unto Sathanas,
But me were lever1151 than all this town,” quoth he,
“Of this despite awroken1152 for to be.
Alas! alas! that I have been y-blent.”1153
His hotë love is cold, and all y-quent.1154
For from that time that he had kiss’d her erse,
Of paramours he settë not a kers,1155
For he was healed of his malady;
Full often paramours he gan defy,
And weep as doth a child that hath been beat.
A softë pace he went over the street
Unto a smith, men callen Dan1156 Gerveis,
That in his forgë smithed plough-harnéss;
He sharped share and culter busily.
This Absolon knocked all easily,
And said; “Undo, Gerveis, and that anon.”
“What, who art thou?” “It is I, Absolon.”
“What? Absolon, what? Christë’s sweetë tree,1157
Why rise so rath?1158 hey! benedicite,
What aileth you? some gay girl,1159 God it wote,
Hath brought you thus upon the virëtote:1160
By Saint Neot, ye wot well what I mean.”
This Absolon he raughtë1161 not a bean
Of all his play; no word again he gaf,1162
For he had morë tow on his distaff1163
Than Gerveis knew, and saidë; “Friend so dear,
That hotë culter in the chimney here
Lend it to me, I have therewith to don:1164
I will it bring again to thee full soon.”
Gerveis answered; “Certes, were it gold,
Or in a pokë1165 nobles all untold,
Thou shouldst it have, as I am a true smith.
Hey! Christë’s foot, what will ye do therewith?”
“Thereof,” quoth Absolon, “be as be may;
I shall well tell it thee another day:”
And caught the culter by the coldë stele.1166
Full soft out at the door he gan to steal,
And went unto the carpentérë’s wall
He coughed first, and knocked therewithal
Upon the window, light as he did ere.1167
This Alison answered; “Who is there
That knocketh so? I warrant him a thief.”
“Nay, nay,” quoth he, “God wot, my sweetë lefe,1168
I am thine Absolon, my own darling.
Of gold,” quoth he, “I have thee brought a ring,
My mother gave it me, so God me save!
Full fine it is, and thereto well y-grave:1169
This will I give to thee, if thou me kiss.”
Now Nicholas was risen up to piss,
And thought he would amenden all the jape;1170
He shouldë kiss his erse ere that he scape:
And up the window did he hastily,
And out his erse he put full privily
Over the buttock, to the haunchë bone.
And therewith spake this clerk, this Absolon,
“Speak, sweetë bird, I know not where thou art.”
This Nicholas anon let fly a fart,
As great as it had been a thunder dent;1171
That with the stroke he was well nigh y-blent;1172
But he was ready with his iron hot,
And Nicholas amid the erse he smote.
Off went the skin an handbreadth all about.
The hotë culter burned so his tout,1173
That for the smart he weened1174 he would die;
As he were wood,1175 for woe he gan to cry,
“Help! water, water, help for Goddë’s heart!”
This carpenter out of his slumber start,
And heard one cry “Water,” as he were wood,1176
And thought, “Alas! now cometh Noë’s flood.”
He sat him up withoutë wordës mo’,
And with his axe he smote the cord in two;
And down went all; he found neither to sell
Nor bread nor ale,1177 till he came to the sell,1178
Upon the floor, and there in swoon he lay.
Up started Alison and Nicholay,
And cried out an “harow!”1179 in the street.
The neighbours allë, bothë small and great
In rannë, for to gauren1180 on this man,
That yet in swoonë lay, both pale and wan:
For with the fall he broken had his arm.
But stand he must unto his owen harm,
For when he spake, he was anon borne down
With Hendy Nicholas and Alisoún.
They told to every man that he was wood;1181
He was aghastë1182 so of Noë’s flood,
Through phantasy, that of his vanity
He had y-bought him kneading-tubbës three,
And had them hanged in the roof above;
And that he prayed them for Goddë’s love
To sitten in the roof for company.
The folk gan laughen at his phantasy.
Into the roof they kyken,1183 and they gape,
And turned all his harm into a jape.1184
For whatsoe’er this carpenter answér’d,
It was for nought, no man his reason heard.
With oathës great he was so sworn adown,
That he was holden wood in all the town.
For every clerk anon right held with other;
They said, “The man was wood, my levë1185 brother;”
And every wight gan laughen at his strife.
Thus swived1186 was the carpentérë’s wife,
For all his keeping1187 and his jealousy;
And Absolon hath kiss’d her nether eye;
And Nicholas is scalded in the tout.
This tale is done, and God save all the rout.1188
The Reeve’s Tale
The Prologue
When folk had laughed all at this nice case
Of Absolon and Hendy Nicholas,
Diversë folk diversëly they said,
But for the morë part they laugh’d and play’d;1189
And at this tale I saw no man him grieve,
But it were only Osëwold the Reeve.
Because he was of carpentérë’s craft,
A little ire is in his heartë laft;1190
He gan to grudge1191 and blamed
