Clouds of Witness

earlier, but I was snorin’ so Bunter hadn’t the heart to wake me. I nearly blew in last night, only we didn’t arrive till 2 a.m. and I thought you wouldn’t half bless me if I did. Eh, what, Colonel? Airplane Victoria from Paris to London⁠—Northeastern to Northallerton⁠—damn bad roads the rest of the way, and a puncture just below Riddlesdale. Damn bad bed at the Lord in Glory; thought I’d blow in for the last sausage here, if I was lucky. What? Sunday morning in an English family and no sausages? God bless my soul, what’s the world coming to, eh, Colonel? I say, Helen, old Gerald’s been an’ gone an’ done it this time, what? You’ve no business to leave him on his own, you know; he always gets into mischief. What’s that? Curry? Thanks, old man. Here, I say, you needn’t be so stingy about it; I’ve been traveling for three days on end. Freddy, pass the toast. Beg pardon, Mrs. Marchbanks? Oh, rather, yes; Corsica was perfectly amazin’⁠—all black-eyed fellows with knives in their belts and jolly fine-looking girls. Old Bunter had a regular affair with the innkeeper’s daughter in one place. D’you know, he’s an awfully susceptible old beggar. You’d never think it, would you? Jove! I am hungry. I say, Helen, I meant to get you some fetchin’ crêpe-de-Chine undies from Paris, but I saw that old Parker was gettin’ ahead of me over the bloodstains, so we packed up our things and buzzed off.”

Mrs. Pettigrew-Robinson rose.

“Theodore,” she said, “I think we ought to be getting ready for church.”

“I will order the car,” said the Duchess. “Peter, of course I’m exceedingly glad to see you. Your leaving no address was most inconvenient. Ring for anything you want. It is a pity you didn’t arrive in time to see Gerald.”

“Oh, that’s all right,” said Lord Peter cheerfully; “I’ll look him up in quod. Y’know, it’s rather a good idea to keep one’s crimes in the family; one has so many more facilities. I’m sorry for poor old Polly, though. How is she?”

“She must not be disturbed today,” said the Duchess with decision.

“Not a bit of it,” said Lord Peter; “she’ll keep. Today Parker and I hold high revel. Today he shows me all the bloody footprints⁠—it’s all right, Helen, that’s not swearin’, that’s an adjective of quality. I hope they aren’t all washed away, are they, old thing?”

“No,” said Parker, “I’ve got most of them under flowerpots.”

“Then pass the bread and squish,” said Lord Peter, “and tell me all about it.”

The departure of the churchgoing element had induced a more humanitarian atmosphere. Mrs. Marchbanks stumped off upstairs to tell Mary that Peter had come, and the Colonel lit a large cigar. The Hon. Freddy rose, stretched himself, pulled a leather armchair to the fireside, and sat down with his feet on the brass fender, while Parker marched round and poured himself out another cup of coffee.

“I suppose you’ve seen the papers,” he said.

“Oh, yes, I read up the inquest,” said Lord Peter. “Y’know, if you’ll excuse my saying so, I think you rather mucked it between you.”

“It was disgraceful,” said Mr. Murbles, “disgraceful. The Coroner behaved most improperly. He had no business to give such a summing-up. With a jury of ignorant country fellows, what could one expect? And the details that were allowed to come out! If I could have got here earlier⁠—”

“I’m afraid that was partly my fault, Wimsey,” said Parker penitently. “Craikes rather resents me. The Superintendent at Stapley sent to us over his head, and when the message came through I ran along to the Chief and asked for the job, because I thought if there should be any misconception or difficulty, you see, you’d just as soon I tackled it as anybody else. I had a few little arrangements to make about a forgery I’ve been looking into, and, what with one thing and another, I didn’t get off till the night express. By the time I turned up on Friday, Craikes and the Coroner were already as thick as thieves, had fixed the inquest for that morning⁠—which was ridiculous⁠—and arranged to produce their blessed evidence as dramatically as possible. I only had time to skim over the ground (disfigured, I’m sorry to say, by the prints of Craikes and his local ruffians), and really had nothing for the jury.”

“Cheer up,” said Wimsey. “I’m not blaming you. Besides, it all lends excitement to the chase.”

“Fact is,” said the Hon. Freddy, “that we ain’t popular with respectable Coroners. Giddy aristocrats and immoral Frenchmen. I say, Peter, sorry you’ve missed Miss Lydia Cathcart. You’d have loved her. She’s gone back to Golders Green and taken the body with her.”

“Oh, well,” said Wimsey. “I don’t suppose there was anything abstruse about the body.”

“No,” said Parker, “the medical evidence was all right as far as it went. He was shot through the lungs, and that’s all.”

“Though, mind you,” said the Hon. Freddy, “he didn’t shoot himself. I didn’t say anything, not wishin’ to upset old Denver’s story, but, you know, all that stuff about his bein’ so upset and go-to-blazes in his manner was all my whiskers.”

“How do you know?” said Peter.

“Why, my dear man, Cathcart ’n I toddled up to bed together. I was rather fed up, havin’ dropped a lot on some shares, besides missin’ everything I shot at in the mornin’, an’ lost a bet I made with the Colonel about the number of toes on the kitchen cat, an’ I said to Cathcart it was a hell of a damn-fool world, or words to that effect. ‘Not a bit of it,’ he said; ‘it’s a damn good world. I’m goin’ to ask Mary for a date tomorrow, an’ then we’ll go and live in Paris, where they understand sex.’ I said somethin’ or other vague, and he went off whistlin’.”

Parker looked grave. Colonel Marchbanks cleared his throat.

“Well, well,” he said, “there’s no accounting for a man like Cathcart, no accounting