Poor Lucy received the wound which was intended for her. The enemy’s weapons had repeatedly struck her, but hitherto they had alighted on the strong shield of her faith. But let a shield be never so strong, it may at last be battered out of all form and service. On Lucy’s shield there had been much of such batterings, and the blows which had come from him in whom she most trusted had not been the lightest. She had not seen him for months, and his letters were short, unsatisfactory, and rare. She had declared to herself and to her friend Lady Fawn, that no concurrence of circumstances, no absence, however long, no rumours that might reach her ears, would make her doubt the man she loved. She was still steadfast in the same resolution; but in spite of her resolution her heart began to fail her. She became weary, unhappy, and ill at ease, and though she would never acknowledge to herself that she doubted, she did doubt.
“So, after all, your Mr. Greystock is to marry my niece, Lizzie Greystock.” This good-natured speech was made one morning to poor Lucy by her present patroness, Lady Linlithgow.
“I rather think not,” said Lucy plucking up her spirits and smiling as she spoke.
“Everybody says so. As for Lizzie, she has become quite a heroine. What with her necklace, and her two robberies, and her hunting, and her various lovers—two lords and a member of Parliament, my dear—there is nothing to equal her. Lady Glencora Palliser has been calling on her. She took care to let me know that. And I’m now told that she certainly is engaged to her cousin.”
“According to your own showing, Lady Linlithgow, she has got two other lovers. Couldn’t you oblige me by letting her marry one of the lords?”
“I’m afraid, my dear, that Mr. Greystock is to be the chosen one.” Then after a pause the old woman became serious. “What is the use, Miss Morris, of not looking the truth in the face? Mr. Greystock is neglecting you.”
“He is not neglecting me. You won’t let him come to see me.”
“Certainly not;—but if he were not neglecting you, you would not be here. And there he is with Lizzie Eustace every day of his life. He can’t afford to marry you, and he can afford to marry her. It’s a deal better that you should look it all in the face and know what it must all come to.”
“I shall just wait—and never believe a word till he speaks it.”
“You hardly know what men are, my dear.”
“Very likely not, Lady Linlithgow. It may be that I shall have to pay dear for learning. Of course, I may be mistaken as well as another—only I don’t believe I am mistaken.”
When this little scene took place, only a month remained of the time for which Lucy’s services were engaged to Lady Linlithgow, and no definite arrangement had been made as to her future residence. Lady Fawn was prepared to give her a home, and to Lady Fawn, as it seemed, she must go. Lady Linlithgow had declared herself unwilling to continue the existing arrangement because, as she said, it did not suit her that her companion should be engaged to marry her late sister’s nephew. Not a word had been said about the deanery for the last month or two, and Lucy, though her hopes in that direction had once been good, was far too high-spirited to make any suggestion herself as to her reception by her lover’s family. In the ordinary course of things she would have to look out for another situation, like any other governess in want of a place; but she could do this only by consulting Lady Fawn; and Lady Fawn when consulted would always settle the whole matter by simply bidding her young friend to come to Fawn Court.
There must be some end of her living at Fawn Court. So much Lucy told herself over and over again. It could be but a temporary measure. If—if it was to be her fate to be taken away from Fawn Court a happy, glorious, triumphant bride, then the additional obligation put upon her by her dear friends would not be more than she could bear. But to go to Fawn Court, and, by degrees, to have it acknowledged that another place must be found for her, would be very bad. She would infinitely prefer any intermediate hardship. How, then, should she know? As soon as she was able to escape from the countess, she went up to her own room, and wrote the following letter. She studied the words with great care as she wrote them—sitting and thinking before she allowed her pen to run on the paper.
My dear Frank,
It is a long time since we met;—is it not? I do not write this as a reproach; but because my friends tell me that I should not continue to think myself engaged to you. They say that, situated as you are, you cannot afford to marry a penniless girl, and that I ought not to wish you to sacrifice yourself. I do understand enough of your affairs to know that an imprudent marriage may ruin you, and I certainly do not wish to be the cause of injury to you. All I ask is that you should tell me the truth. It is not that I am impatient; but that I must decide what to do with myself when I leave Lady Linlithgow.
She read this letter over and over again, thinking of all that it said
