In other respects he was a good fellow, that monkey. Reconciliation was complete, and from that day forward the Doctor and his companion lived like old friends.
XIII
How Doctor Heraclius Gloss Found Himself in Exactly the Same Position as Good King Henry IV Who, Having Heard Two Leading Counsel Plead Their Case, Was of Opinion That Both Were Right
Some time after this memorable day heavy rain prevented Doctor Heraclius from going into his garden as was his custom, and he spent the whole morning in his study considering his monkey in a philosophic spirit. The monkey, perched on a writing table, amused himself by throwing paper balls at the dog, Pythagoras, who was lying stretched on the hearth rug. The doctor, meanwhile, was studying the gradations and the progress in intellect of declassed men and comparing the degree of subtlety displayed by the two animals which he had with him.
“In the dog,” said the Doctor to himself, “instinct still dominates, whilst in the monkey reason prevails. The former smells, hears, and sees with those marvellous organs which for him are a good half of his intelligence; the latter, connecting one fact with another, cogitates.”
At this moment the monkey, made impatient by the indifference and immobility of his enemy who, with his head between his paws, was content to lift his eyes occasionally towards his securely placed aggressor, decided to come down and reconnoitre. He jumped lightly from the table and crept quietly forward—so quietly indeed that there was not a sound except for the crackling of the fire and the ticking of the clock which seemed to make a tremendous noise in the dead silence of the study. Then with a sharp and unexpected movement, he seized in both hands the fluffy tail of the unfortunate Pythagoras. But the latter, motionless up till that moment, had followed every movement of the monkey. His stillness was only a trap to lure his hitherto unassailable adversary within reach. As soon as ever Master Monkey, pleased with his trick, grabbed Pythagoras’ tail, the latter bounded up and before the other could escape, had fixed his strong teeth in that portion of his rival’s body which is modestly known as the ham. It is doubtful how the struggle would have ended had not Heraclius intervened, but when he had reestablished peace, he asked himself, as he sat down again quite out of breath, whether, all things considered, his dog had not on this occasion shown more cunning than the animal commonly referred to as “Cunning Personified.” Heraclius remained plunged in deep perplexity.
XIV
How Heraclius All but Devoured a Dish of Beautiful Ladies of a Past Age
When lunch time came, the Doctor went into the dining room, sat down at the table, tucked his napkin into his coat, and set the precious manuscript open beside him. But as he was about to lift to his mouth a little wing of quail, plump and savoury, he glanced at the holy book and the few lines on which his eyes fell glittered more terribly before him than did those famous words suddenly written on the wall by an unknown hand in the banqueting hall of the celebrated King Belshazzar.
This is what the Doctor saw:
“Abstain from all food which once had life, for in eating flesh you are eating your own kind: and he who, having fathomed the grand metempsychosic truth, kills and devours animals that are nought else but men in their inferior forms, shall be graded with the ferocious cannibal who feasts upon his vanquished foe.”
And on the table, fresh and plump, held together by a little silver skewer and giving out an appetising smell, were half a dozen quails.
The fight between mind and stomach was terrible, but be it said to Heraclius’ glory, it was short. The poor man, quite overcome and afraid lest he would not for long be able to resist such fearful temptation, rang for his servant and in a broken voice enjoined her to remove forthwith the abominable dish and to serve henceforth only eggs, milk and vegetables. Honorine almost collapsed on hearing this surprising statement. She would have protested, but before the inflexible eye of her master she hurried off with the condemned birds, consoling herself, however, with the agreeable thought that, generally speaking, what is one person’s loss is not everyone else’s.
“Quails, quails! What could quails have been in another life?” the wretched Heraclius asked himself as he sadly ate a superb cauliflower à la créme, which seemed to him on this occasion disastrously nasty. “What sort of human being could have been elegant enough, delicate and fine enough, to pass into the exquisite little bodies of these roguish, pretty birds? Ah, doubtless it could only have been the adorable little mistresses of bygone times” … and the Doctor grew even paler at the thought of having eaten for his lunch every day for more than thirty years half a dozen beautiful ladies of a past age.
XV
How the Warden Interpreted God’s Commandments
On the evening of this unlucky day the Dean and the Warden came to talk for an hour or two with Heraclius in his study. The Doctor straightway told them of his embarrassing position and explained to them how quails and other edible animals were now prohibited to him just as ham was to a Jew. Whereupon the Dean, who no doubt had had a bad dinner, lost all control and blasphemed in such a terrible way that the poor Doctor, although he respected him even while deploring his blindness, did not know where to hide himself. As for the Warden, he entirely approved of Heraclius’ scruples pointing out to him that a disciple of Pythagoras who fed on the flesh of animals would expose himself to the risk of eating his father’s ribs garnished with mushrooms or the truffled feet of his ancestor; and he quoted in support of his
