It has often been said of woman that she who doubts is lost—so often that they who say it now, say it simply because others have said it before them, never thinking whether or no there be any truth in the proverb. But they who have said so, thinking of their words as they were uttered, have known but little of women. Women doubt every day, who solve their doubts at last on the right side, driven to do so, some by fear, more by conscience, but most of them by that half-prudential, half-unconscious knowledge of what is fitting, useful, and best under the cirumstances, which rarely deserts either men or women till they have brought themselves to the Burgo Fitzgerald state of recklessness. Men when they have fallen even to that, will still keep up some outward show towards the world; but women in this condition defy the world, and declare themselves to be children of perdition. Lady Glencora was doubting sorely; but, though doubting, she was not as yet lost.
“Does it put you in mind of old days?” said Burgo.
She was driven to answer, and she knew that much would be decided by the way in which she might now speak. “You must not talk of that,” she said, very softly.
“May I not?” And now his tongue was unloosed, so that he began to speak quickly. “May I not? And why not? They were happy days—so happy! Were not you happy when you thought—? Ah, dear! I suppose it is best not even to think of them?”
“Much the best.”
“Only it is impossible. I wish I knew the inside of your heart, Cora, so that I could see what it is that you really wish.”
In the old days he had always called her Cora, and now the name came from his lips upon her ears as a thing of custom, causing no surprise. They were standing back, behind the circle, almost in a corner, and Burgo knew well how to speak at such moments so that his words should be audible to none but her whom he addressed.
“You should not have come to me at all,” she said.
“And why not? Who has a better right to come to you? Who has ever loved you as I have done? Cora, did you get my letter?”
“Come and dance,” she said; “I see a pair of eyes looking at us.” The pair of eyes which Lady Glencora saw were in the possession of Mr. Bott, who was standing alone, leaning against the side of the doorway, every now and then raising his heels from the ground, so that he might look down upon the sinners as from a vantage ground. He was quite alone. Mrs. Marsham had left him, and had gotten herself away in Lady Glencora’s own carriage to Park Lane, in order that she might find Mr. Palliser there, if by chance he should be at home.
“Won’t it be making mischief?” Mrs. Marsham had said when Mr. Bott had suggested this line of conduct.
“There’ll be worse mischief if you don’t,” Mr. Bott had answered. “He can come back, and then he can do as he likes. I’ll keep my eyes upon them.” And so he did keep his eyes upon them.
Again they went round the room—or that small portion of the room which the invading crowd had left to the dancers—as though they were enjoying themselves thoroughly, and in all innocence. But there were others besides Mr. Bott who looked on and wondered. The Duchess of St. Bungay saw it, and shook her head sorrowing—for the Duchess was good at heart. Mrs. Conway Sparkes saw it, and drank it down with keen appetite—as a thirsty man with a longing for wine will drink champagne—for Mrs. Conway Sparkes was not good at heart. Lady Hartletop saw it, and just raised her eyebrows. It was nothing to her. She liked to know what was going on, as such knowledge was sometimes useful; but, as for heart—what she had was, in such a matter, neither good nor bad. Her blood circulated with its ordinary precision, and, in that respect, no woman ever had a better heart. Lady Monk saw it, and a frown gathered on her brow. “The fool!” she said to herself. She knew that Burgo would not help his success by drawing down the eyes of all her guests upon his attempt. In the meantime Mr. Bott stood there, mounting still higher on his toes, straightening his back against the wall.
“Did you get my letter?” Burgo said again, as soon as a moment’s pause gave him breath to speak. She did not answer him. Perhaps her breath did not return to her as rapidly as his. But, of course, he knew that she had received it. She would have quickly signified to him that no letter from him had come to her hands had it not reached her. “Let us go out upon the stairs,” he said, “for I must speak to you. Oh, if you could know what I suffered when you did not come to Monkshade! Why did you not come?”
“I wish I had not come here,” she said.
“Because you have seen me? That, at any rate, is not kind of you.”
They were now making their way slowly down the stairs, in the crowd, towards the supper-room. All the world was now intent on food and drink, and they were only doing as others did. Lady Glencora was not thinking where she went, but, glancing upwards, as she stood for a moment wedged upon the stairs, her eyes met those of Mr. Bott. “A man that can treat me like that deserves that I should leave him.” That was the thought that crossed her mind at the moment.
“I’ll get you some champagne with water in it,” said Burgo. “I know that
