Love’s Labour’s Lost

most generous sir, is liable, congruent and measurable for the afternoon: the word is well culled, chose, sweet and apt, I do assure you, sir, I do assure. Armado Sir, the king is a noble gentleman, and my familiar, I do assure ye, very good friend: for what is inward between us, let it pass. I do beseech thee, remember thy courtesy; I beseech thee, apparel thy head: and among other important and most serious designs, and of great import indeed, too, but let that pass: for I must tell thee, it will please his grace, by the world, sometime to lean upon my poor shoulder, and with his royal finger, thus, dally with my excrement, with my mustachio; but, sweet heart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no fable: some certain special honours it pleaseth his greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of travel, that hath seen the world; but let that pass. The very all of all is⁠—but, sweet heart, I do implore secrecy⁠—that the king would have me present the princess, sweet chuck, with some delightful ostentation, or show, or pageant, or antique, or firework. Now, understanding that the curate and your sweet self are good at such eruptions and sudden breaking out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted you withal, to the end to crave your assistance. Holofernes Sir, you shall present before her the Nine Worthies. Sir, as concerning some entertainment of time, some show in the posterior of this day, to be rendered by our assistants, at the king’s command, and this most gallant, illustrate, and learned gentleman, before the princess; I say none so fit as to present the Nine Worthies. Nathaniel Where will you find men worthy enough to present them? Holofernes Joshua, yourself; myself and this gallant gentleman, Judas Maccabaeus; this swain, because of his great limb or joint, shall pass Pompey the Great; the page, Hercules⁠— Armado Pardon, sir; error: he is not quantity enough for that Worthy’s thumb: he is not so big as the end of his club. Holofernes Shall I have audience? he shall present Hercules in minority: his enter and exit shall be strangling a snake; and I will have an apology for that purpose. Moth An excellent device! so, if any of the audience hiss, you may cry “Well done, Hercules! now thou crushest the snake!” that is the way to make an offence gracious, though few have the grace to do it. Armado For the rest of the Worthies?⁠— Holofernes I will play three myself. Moth Thrice-worthy gentleman! Armado Shall I tell you a thing? Holofernes We attend. Armado We will have, if this fadge not, an antique. I beseech you, follow. Holofernes Via, goodman Dull! thou hast spoken no word all this while. Dull Nor understood none neither, sir. Holofernes Allons! we will employ thee. Dull

I’ll make one in a dance, or so; or I will play
On the tabour to the Worthies, and let them dance the hay.

Holofernes

Most dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away! Exeunt.

Scene II

The same.

	Enter the Princess, Katharine, Rosaline, and Maria.
Princess	Sweet hearts, we shall be rich ere we depart, If fairings come thus plentifully in: A lady wall’d about with diamonds! Look you what I have from the loving king.
Rosaline	Madame, came nothing else along with that?
Princess	Nothing but this! yes, as much love in rhyme As would be cramm’d up in a sheet of paper, Writ o’ both sides the leaf, margent and all, That he was fain to seal on Cupid’s name.
Rosaline	That was the way to make his godhead wax, For he hath been five thousand years a boy.
Katharine	Ay, and a shrewd unhappy gallows too.
Rosaline	You’ll ne’er be friends with him; a’ kill’d your sister.
Katharine	He made her melancholy, sad, and heavy; And so she died: had she been light, like you, Of such a merry, nimble, stirring spirit, She might ha’ been a grandam ere she died: And so may you; for a light heart lives long.
Rosaline	What’s your dark meaning, mouse, of this light word?
Katharine	A light condition in a beauty dark.
Rosaline	We need more light to find your meaning out.
Katharine	You’ll mar the light by taking it in snuff; Therefore I’ll darkly end the argument.
Rosaline	Look, what you do, you do it still i’ the dark.
Katharine	So do not you, for you are a light wench.
Rosaline	Indeed I weigh not you, and therefore light.
Katharine	You weigh me not? O, that’s you care not for me.
Rosaline	Great reason; for “past cure is still past care.”
Princess	Well bandied both; a set of wit well play’d. But Rosaline, you have a favour too: Who sent it? and what is it?
Rosaline	I would you knew: An if my face were but as fair as yours, My favour were as great; be witness this. Nay, I have verses too, I thank Biron: The numbers true; and, were the numbering too, I were the fairest goddess on the ground: I am compared to twenty thousand fairs. O, he hath drawn my picture in his letter!
Princess	Any thing like?
Rosaline	Much in the letters; nothing in the praise.
Princess	Beauteous as ink; a good conclusion.
Katharine	Fair as a text B in a copy-book.
Rosaline	’Ware pencils, ho! let me not die your debtor, My red dominical, my golden letter: O, that your face were not so full of O’s!
Katharine	A pox of that jest! and I beshrew all shrows.
Princess	But, Katharine, what was sent to you from fair Dumain?
Katharine	Madam, this glove.
Princess	Did he not send you twain?
Katharine	Yes, madam, and moreover Some thousand verses of a faithful lover, A huge translation of hypocrisy, Vilely compiled, profound simplicity.
Maria	This and these pearls to me sent Longaville: The letter is too long by half a mile.
Princess	I think no less. Dost thou not wish in heart The chain were longer and the letter short?
Maria	Ay, or I would these hands might never part.
Princess	We are wise girls to mock our lovers so.
Rosaline	They