The Golden Ass

companion said unto the other, You ought to accompt me not only your Captain in robbery and fight, but also in pleasures and jollity, whereupon by and by with pleasant cheer he prepared meat, and trimming up the house he set all things in order, and brought the pottage and dainty dishes to the table: but above all he plied them well with great pots and jugs of wine. Sometimes (seeming to fetch somewhat) he would go to the maiden and give her pieces of meat, which he privily took away, and would drink unto her, which she willingly took in good part. Moreover, he kissed her twice or thrice whereof she was well pleased but I (not well contented thereat) thought in myself: Oh wretched maid, thou hast forgotten thy marriage, and doest esteem this stranger and bloody thief above thy husband which thy parents ordained for thee, now perceive I well thou hast no remorse of conscience, but more delight to tarry and play the harlot here amongst so many swords. What? knowest thou not how the other thieves if they knew thy demeanour would put thee to death as they had once appointed, and so work my destruction likewise? Well now I perceive thou hast a pleasure in the damage and hurt of other. While I did angrily devise with myself all these things, I perceived by certain signs and tokens (not ignorant to so wise an ass) that he was not the notable thief Hemus, but rather Lepolemus her husband, for after much communication he began to speak more frankly, not fearing at all my presence, and said, Be of good cheer my sweet friend Charites, for thou shalt have by and by all these thy enemies captive unto thee. Then he filled wine to the thieves more and more, and never ceased, till as they were all overcome with abundance of meat and drink, when as he himself abstained and bridled his own appetite. And truly I did greatly suspect, least he had mingled in their cups some deadly poison, for incontinently they all fell down asleep on the ground one after another, and lay as though they had been dead.

XXVII

How the gentlewoman was carried home by her husband while the thieves were asleep, and how much Apuleius was made of.

When the thieves were all asleep by their great and immoderate drinking, the young man Lepolemus took the maiden and set her upon my back, and went homeward. When we were come home, all the people of the city, especially her parents, friends, and family, came running forth joyfully, and the children and maidens of the town gathered together to see this virgin in great triumph sitting upon an ass. Then I (willing to show as much joy as I might, as present occasion served) I set and pricked up my long ears, rattled my nostrils, and cried stoutly, nay rather I made the town to ring again with my shrilling sound: when we were come to her father’s house, she was received in a chamber honorably: as for me, Lepolemus (accompanied with a great number of citizens) did presently after drive me back again with other horses to the cave of the thieves, where we found them all asleep lying on the ground as we left them; then they first brought out all the gold, and silver, and other treasure of the house, and laded us withal, which when they had done, they threw many of the thieves down into the bottom of deep ditches, and the residue they slew with their swords: after this we returned home glad and merry of so great vengeance upon them, and the riches which we carried was committed to the public treasury. This done, the maid was married to Lepolemus, according to the law, whom by so much travel he had valiantly recovered: then my good mistress looked about for me, and asking for me commanded the very same day of her marriage, that my manger should be filled with barley, and that I should have hay and oats abundantly, and she would call me her little camel. But how greatly did I curse Fotis, in that she transformed me into an ass, and not into a dog, because I saw the dogs had filled their paunches with the relics and bones of so worthy a supper. The next day this new wedded woman (my mistress) did greatly commend me before her parents and husband, for the kindness which I had showed unto her, and never leaved off until such time as they promised to reward me with great honours. Then they called together all their friends, and thus it was concluded: one said, that I should be closed in a stable and never work, but continually to be fed and fatted with fine and chosen barley and beans and good litter, howbeit another prevailed, who wishing my liberty, persuaded them that it was better for me to run in the fields amongst the lascivious horses and mares, whereby I might engender some mules for my mistress: then he that had in charge to keep the horse, was called for, and I was delivered unto him with great care, insomuch that I was right pleasant and joyous, because I hoped that I should carry no more fardels nor burdens, moreover I thought that when I should thus be at liberty, in the springtime of the year when the meadows and fields were green, I should find some roses in some place, whereby I was fully persuaded that if my master and mistress did render to me so many thanks and honours being an ass, they would much more reward me being turned into a man: but when he (to whom the charge of me was so straightly committed) had brought me a good way distant from the city, I perceived no delicate meats nor no liberty which I should have, but by