The Conscious Lovers

Cimberton! how abstracted, how refined is your sense of things! But, indeed, it is too true there is nothing so ordinary as to say, in the best governed families, my master and lady have gone to bed; one does not know but it might have been said of one’s self. Hiding her face with her fan. Cimberton Lycurgus, madam, instituted otherwise; among the Lacedaemonians the whole female world was pregnant, but none but the mothers themselves knew by whom; their meetings were secret, and the amorous congress always by stealth; and no such professed doings between the sexes as are tolerated among us under the audacious word, marriage. Mrs. Sealand Oh, had I lived in those days and been a matron of Sparta, one might with less indecency have had ten children, according to that modest institution, than one, under the confusion of our modern, barefaced manner. Lucinda And yet, poor woman, she has gone through the whole ceremony, and here I stand a melancholy proof of it. Aside. Mrs. Sealand We will talk then of business. That girl walking about the room there is to be your wife. She has, I confess, no ideas, no sentiments, that speak her born of a thinking mother. Cimberton I have observed her; her lively look, free air, and disengaged countenance speak her very⁠— Lucinda Very what? Cimberton If you please, madam⁠—to set her a little that way. Mrs. Sealand Lucinda, say nothing to him, you are not a match for him; when you are married, you may speak to such a husband when you’re spoken to. But I am disposing of you above yourself every way. Cimberton Madam, you cannot but observe the inconveniences I expose myself to, in hopes that your ladyship will be the consort of my better part. As for the young woman, she is rather an impediment than a help to a man of letters and speculation. Madam, there is no reflection, no philosophy, can at all times subdue the sensitive life, but the animal shall sometimes carry away the man. Ha! ay, the vermilion of her lips. Lucinda Pray, don’t talk of me thus. Cimberton The pretty enough⁠—pant of her bosom. Lucinda Sir! madam, don’t you hear him? Cimberton Her forward chest. Lucinda Intolerable! Cimberton High health. Lucinda The grave, easy impudence of him! Cimberton Proud heart. Lucinda Stupid coxcomb! Cimberton I say, madam, her impatience, while we are looking at her, throws out all attractions⁠—her arms⁠—her neck⁠—what a spring in her step! Lucinda Don’t you run me over thus, you strange unaccountable! Cimberton What an elasticity in her veins and arteries! Lucinda I have no veins, no arteries. Mrs. Sealand Oh, child! hear him, he talks finely; he’s a scholar, he knows what you have. Cimberton The speaking invitation of her shape, the gathering of herself up, and the indignation you see in the pretty little thing⁠—Now, I am considering her, on this occasion, but as one that is to be pregnant. Lucinda The familiar, learned, unseasonable puppy! Aside. Cimberton And pregnant undoubtedly she will be yearly. I fear I shan’t, for many years, have discretion enough to give her one fallow season. Lucinda Monster! there’s no bearing it. The hideous sot! there’s no enduring it, to be thus surveyed like a steed at sale. Cimberton At sale! She’s very illiterate⁠—But she’s very well limbed too; turn her in; I see what she is. Exit Lucinda, in a rage. Mrs. Sealand Go, you creature, I am ashamed of you. Cimberton No harm done⁠—you know, madam, the better sort of people, as I observed to you, treat by their lawyers of weddings adjusting himself at the glass⁠—and the woman in the bargain, like the mansion house in the sale of the estate, is thrown in, and what that is, whether good or bad, is not at all considered. Mrs. Sealand I grant it; and therefore make no demand for her youth and beauty, and every other accomplishment, as the common world think ’em, because she is not polite. Cimberton Madam, I know your exalted understanding, abstracted, as it is, from vulgar prejudices, will not be offended, when I declare to you, I marry to have an heir to my estate, and not to beget a colony, or a plantation. This young woman’s beauty and constitution will demand provision for a tenth child at least. Mrs. Sealand With all that wit and learning, how considerate! What an economist! Aside.⁠—Sir, I cannot make her any other than she is; or say she is much better than the other young women of this age, or fit for much besides being a mother; but I have given directions for the marriage settlements, and Sir Geoffry Cimberton’s counsel is to meet ours here, at this hour, concerning this joining in the deed, which, when executed, makes you capable of settling what is due to Lucinda’s fortune. Herself, as I told you, I say nothing of. Cimberton No, no, no, indeed, madam, it is not usual; and I must depend upon my own reflection and philosophy not to overstock my family. Mrs. Sealand I cannot help her, cousin Cimberton; but she is, for aught I see, as well as the daughter of anybody else. Cimberton That is very true, madam. Enter a Servant, who whispers Mrs. Sealand. Mrs. Sealand The lawyers are come, and now we are to hear what they have resolved as to the point whether it’s necessary that Sir Geoffry should join in the settlement, as being what they call in the remainder. But, good cousin, you must have patience with ’em. These lawyers, I am told, are of a different kind; one is what they call a chamber counsel, the other a pleader. The conveyancer is slow, from an imperfection in his speech, and therefore shunned the bar, but extremely passionate and impatient of contradiction. The other is as warm as he; but has a tongue so voluble, and a head so conceited, he will suffer nobody to speak but himself. Cimberton You mean old Serjeant Target and Counsellor Bramble? I have heard of ’em. Mrs. Sealand The same. Show in the gentlemen. Exit Servant. Re-enter Servant, introducing Myrtle and