The Conscious Lovers

Mrs. Phillis? Phillis Ay; let me see that rogue deny to fire a house, make a riot, or any other little thing, when there were no other way to come at me. Tom I am obliged to you, madam. Phillis Why, don’t we hear every day of people’s hanging themselves for love, and won’t they venture the hazard of being hanged for love? Oh! were I a man⁠— Myrtle What manly thing would you have me undertake, according to your ladyship’s notion of a man? Phillis Only be at once what, one time or other, you may be, and wish to be, or must be. Myrtle Dear girl, talk plainly to me, and consider I, in my condition, can’t be in very good humour⁠—you say, to be at once what I must be. Phillis Ay, ay; I mean no more than to be an old man; I saw you do it very well at the masquerade. In a word, old Sir Geoffry Cimberton is every hour expected in town, to join in the deeds and settlements for marrying Mr. Cimberton. He is half blind, half lame, half deaf, half dumb; though, as to his passions and desires, he is as warm and ridiculous as when in the heat of youth. Tom Come to the business, and don’t keep the gentleman in suspense for the pleasure of being courted, as you serve me. Phillis I saw you at the masquerade act such a one to perfection. Go, and put on that very habit, and come to our house as Sir Geoffry. There is not one there but myself knows his person; I was born in the parish where he is Lord of the Manor. I have seen him often and often at church in the country. Do not hesitate, but come hither; they will think you bring a certain security against Mr. Myrtle, and you bring Mr. Myrtle. Leave the rest to me; I leave this with you, and expect⁠—They don’t, I told you, know you; they think you out of town, which you had as good be forever, if you lose this opportunity⁠—I must be gone; I know I am wanted at home. Myrtle My dear Phillis! Catches and kisses her, and gives her money. Phillis O fie! my kisses are not my own; you have committed violence; but I’ll carry ’em to the right owner. Tom kisses her.⁠—Come, see me downstairs, To Tom. and leave the lover to think of his last game for the prize. Exeunt Tom and Phillis. Myrtle I think I will instantly attempt this wild expedient. The extravagance of it will make me less suspected, and it will give me opportunity to assert my own right to Lucinda, without whom I cannot live. But I am so mortified at this conduct of mine towards poor Bevil. He must think meanly of me⁠—I know not how to reassume myself, and be in spirit enough for such an adventure as this; yet I must attempt it, if it be only to be near Lucinda under her present perplexities; and sure⁠—

The next delight to transport, with the fair,
Is to relieve her in her hours of care.

Exit.

Act V

Scene I. Sealand’s House.

	Enter Phillis, with lights, before Myrtle, disguised like old Sir Geoffry; supported by Mrs. Sealand, Lucinda, and Cimberton.
Mrs. Sealand	Now I have seen you thus far, Sir Geoffry, will you excuse me a moment while I give my necessary orders for your accommodation?
	Exit Mrs. Sealand.
Myrtle	I have not seen you, cousin Cimberton, since you were ten years old; and as it is incumbent on you to keep up our name and family, I shall, upon very reasonable terms, join with you in a settlement to that purpose. Though I must tell you, cousin, this is the first merchant that has married into our house.
Lucinda	Deuce on ’em! am I a merchant because my father is? Aside.
Myrtle	But is he directly a trader at this time?
Cimberton	There’s no hiding the disgrace, sir; he trades to all parts of the world.
Myrtle	We never had one of our family before who descended from persons that did anything.
Cimberton	Sir, since it is a girl that they have, I am, for the honour of my family, willing to take it in again, and to sink her into our name, and no harm done.
Myrtle	’Tis prudently and generously resolved⁠—Is this the young thing?
Cimberton	Yes, sir.
Phillis	Good madam, don’t be out of humour, but let them run to the utmost of their extravagance.⁠—Hear them out. To Lucinda.
Myrtle	Can’t I see her nearer? My eyes are but weak.
Phillis	Beside, I am sure the uncle has something worth your notice. I’ll take care to get off the young one, and leave you to observe what may be wrought out of the old one for your good. To Lucinda.
	Exit.
Cimberton	Madam, this old gentleman, your great uncle, desires to be introduced to you, and to see you nearer!⁠—Approach, sir.
Myrtle	By your leave, young lady. Puts on spectacles.⁠—Cousin Cimberton! She has exactly that sort of neck and bosom for which my sister Gertrude was so much admired in the year sixty-one, before the French dresses first discovered anything in women below the chin.
Lucinda	Aside. What a very odd situation am I in! though I cannot but be diverted at the extravagance of their humours, equally unsuitable to their age⁠—Chin, quotha⁠—I don’t believe my passionate lover there knows whether I have one or not. Ha! ha!
Myrtle	Madam, I would not willingly offend, but I have a better glass. Pulls out a large one.
	Enter Phillis.
Phillis	To Cimberton. Sir, my lady desires to show the apartment to you that she intends for Sir Geoffry.
Cimberton	Well, sir! by that time you will have sufficiently gazed and sunned yourself in the beauties of my spouse there.⁠—I will wait on you again.
	Exit Cimberton and Phillis.