Lily, as she rode home, did not speak a word. She would have given worlds to be able to talk, but she could not even make a beginning. She heard Bernard and Siph Dunn chatting behind her, and hoped that they would continue to do so till she was safe within the house. They all used her well, for no one tried to draw her into conversation. Once Emily said to her, “Shall we trot a little, Lily?” And then they had moved on quickly, and the misery was soon over. As soon as she was upstairs in the house, she got Emily by herself, and explained all the mystery in a word or two.
“I fear I have made a fool of myself. That was the man to whom I was once engaged.”
“What, Mr. Crosbie?” said Emily, who had heard the whole story from Bernard.
“Yes, Mr. Crosbie; pray, do not say a word of it to anybody—not even to your aunt. I am better now, but I was such a fool. No, dear; I won’t go into the drawing-room. I’ll go upstairs, and come down ready for dinner.”
When she was alone she sat down in her habit, and declared to herself that she certainly would never become the wife of Mr. Crosbie. I do not know why she should make such a declaration. She had promised her mother and John Eames that she would not do so, and that promise would certainly have bound her without any further resolutions on her own part. But, to tell the truth, the vision of the man had disenchanted her. When last she had seen him he had been as it were a god to her; and though, since that day, his conduct to her had been as ungodlike as it well might be, still the memory of the outward signs of his divinity had remained with her. It is difficult to explain how it had come to pass that the glimpse which she had had of him should have altered so much within her mind;—why she should so suddenly have come to regard him in an altered light. It was not simply that he looked to be older, and because his face was careworn. It was not only that he had lost that look of an Apollo which Lily had once in her mirth attributed to him. I think it was chiefly that she herself was older, and could no longer see a god in such a man. She had never regarded John Eames as being gifted with divinity, and had therefore always been making comparisons to his discredit. Any such comparison now would tend quite the other way. Nevertheless she would adhere to the two letters in her book. Since she had seen Mr. Crosbie she was altogether out of love with the prospect of matrimony.
She was in the room when Mr. Pratt was announced, and she at once recognized him as the man who had been with Crosbie. And when, some minutes afterwards, Siph Dunn came into the room, she could see that in their greeting allusion was made to the scene in the Park. But still it was probable that this man would not recognize her, and, if he did so, what would it matter? There were twenty people to sit down to dinner, and the chances were that she would not be called upon to exchange a word with Mr. Pratt. She had now recovered herself, and could speak freely to her friend Siph, and when Siph came and stood near her she thanked him graciously for his escort in the Park. “If it wasn’t for you, Mr. Dunn, I really think I should not get any riding at all. Bernard and Miss Dunstable have only one thing to think about, and certainly I am not that one thing.” She thought it probable that if she could keep Siph close to her, Mrs. Thorne, who always managed those things herself, might apportion her out to be led to dinner by her good-natured friend. But the fates were averse. The time had now come, and Lily was waiting her turn.
“Mr. Fowler Pratt, let me introduce you to Miss Lily Dale,” said Mrs. Thorne. Lily could perceive that Mr. Pratt was startled. The sign he gave was the least possible sign in the world; but still it sufficed for Lily to perceive it. She put her hand upon his arm, and walked down with him to the dining-room without giving him the slightest cause to suppose that she knew who he was.
“I think I saw you in the Park riding?” he said.
“Yes, I was there; we go nearly every day.”
“I never ride; I was walking.”
“It seems to me that the people don’t go there to walk, but to stand still,” said Lily. “I cannot understand how so many people can bear to loiter about in that way—leaning on the rails and doing nothing.”
“It is about as good as the riding, and costs less money. That is all that can be said for it. Do you live chiefly in town?”
“O dear, no; I live altogether in the country. I’m only up here because a cousin is going to be married.”
“Captain Dale you mean—to Miss Dunstable?” said Fowler Pratt.
“When they have been joined together in holy matrimony, I shall go down to the country, and never, I suppose, come up to London again.”
“You do not like London?”
“Not as a residence, I think,” said Lily. “But of course one’s likings and dislikings on such a matter depend on circumstances. I live with my mother, and all my relatives live near us. Of course I like the country best, because they are there.”
“Young ladies so often have a different way of looking at this subject. I shouldn’t wonder if Miss Dunstable’s views about it were altogether of another sort. Young ladies generally expect to be taken away from their fathers and mothers, and uncles and aunts.”
“But you see I expect to be left with mine,”
