That, I believe, was what we were all feeling. I had an impulse to run out into the street, find Trenchard, and make him comfortable. I felt furiously indignant with the girl. We all looked at her, I suppose, with indignation, because she regarded us with a fierce, insulting smile, then turned her back upon us and went to a window.
At that moment Molozov with Trenchard, Nikitin and Semyonov, entered. I have said earlier in this book that only upon one occasion have I seen Molozov utterly overcome, a defeated man. This was the occasion to which I refer. He stood there in the doorway, under a vulgar bevy of gilt and crimson cupids, his face dull paste in colour, his hands hanging like lead; he looked at us without seeing us. Semyonov said something to him: “Why, of course,” I heard him reply, “we’ve got to get out as quickly as we can. … That’s all.”
He came over towards us and we were all, except Marie Ivanovna, desperately frightened. She cried to him: “Well, what’s the truth? How bad is it?”
He didn’t turn to her but answered to us all.
“It’s abominable—everywhere.”
I know that then the great feeling of us all was that we must escape from the horrible place in some way. This beastly town of O⸺ (once cursed by us for its gentle placidity) was responsible for the whole disaster; it was as though we said to ourselves, “If we had not been here this would not have happened.”
We all stood up as though we felt that we must leave at once, and while we stood thus there was a report that shook the floor so that we rocked on our feet, brought a shower of dust and whitewash from the walls, cracked the one remaining pane of glass and drove two mice scattering with terror wildly across the floor. The noise had been terrific. Our very hearts stood still. The Austrians were here then. … This was the end. …
“It’s the bridge,” Semyonov said quietly, and of course ironically. “We’ve blown it up. There’ll be the other in a moment.”
There was—a second shock brought down more dust and a large scale of gilt wood from one of the cornices. We waited then for our orders, looking down from the windows on to what seemed a perfect babel of disorder and confusion.
“We must be at X⸺ tonight,” Molozov told us. “The Staff is on its way already. We should be moving in half an hour.”
We made our preparations.
Trenchard, meanwhile, had had during this afternoon one driving compelling impulse beyond all others, that he must, at all costs, escape all personal contact with Marie Ivanovna. It seemed to him the most awful thing that could possibly happen to him now would be a compulsory conversation with her. He did not, of course, know that she had spoken to us, and he thought that it would be the easiest thing in all the confusion that this retreat involved that he should be flung up against her. He sought his chief refuge in Nikitin. I am aware that in the things I have said of Nikitin, in speaking both of his relation to Andrey Vassilievitch’s wife and to Trenchard himself, I have shown him as something of a sentimental figure. And yet sentimental was the very last thing that he really was. He had not the “open-heartedness” that is commonly asserted to be the chief glory and the chief defect of the Russian soul. He had talked to me because I was a foreigner and of no importance to him—someone who would be entirely outside his life. He took Trenchard now for his friend I believe because he really was attracted by the admixture of chivalry and helplessness, of simplicity and credulity, of timidity and courage that the man’s character displayed. I am sure that had it been I who had been in Trenchard’s position he would not have stretched out one finger to help me.
Trenchard himself had only vague memories of the events of the preceding evening. He was aware quite simply that the whole thing had been a horrible dream and that “nothing so bad could ever possibly happen to him again.” He had “touched the worst,” and he undoubtedly found some relief today in the general distress and confusion. It covered his personal disaster and forced him to forget himself in other persons’ misfortunes. He was, as it happened, of more use than anyone just then in getting everyone speedily out of O⸺. He ran messages, found parcels and bags for the Sisters, collected sanitars, even discovered the mongrel terrier, tied a string to him and gave him to one of our soldiers to look after. In what a confusion, as the evening fell, was the garden of our large white house! Huge wagons covered its lawn; horses, neighing, stamping, jumping, were dragged and pulled and threatened; officers, from stout colonels to very young lieutenants, came cursing and shouting, first this way and that. A huge bag of biscuits broke away from a provision van and fell scattering on to the ground; the soldiers, told that they might help themselves, laughing and shouting like babies, fell upon the store. But for the most part there was gloom, gloom, gloom under the evening sky. Sometimes the reflections of distant rockets would shudder and fade across the pale blue; incessantly, from every corner of the world, came the screaming rattle of carts,
