Lady Windermere’s Fan

at Lady Markby’s. Such bad tea, too. It was quite undrinkable. I wasn’t at all surprised. Her own son-in-law supplies it. Agatha is looking forward so much to your ball tonight, dear Margaret. Lady Windermere Seated L.C. Oh, you mustn’t think it is going to be a ball, Duchess. It is only a dance in honour of my birthday. A small and early. Lord Darlington Standing L.C. Very small, very early, and very select, Duchess. The Duchess of Berwick On sofa L. Of course it’s going to be select. But we know that, dear Margaret, about your house. It is really one of the few houses in London where I can take Agatha, and where I feel perfectly secure about dear Berwick. I don’t know what society is coming to. The most dreadful people seem to go everywhere. They certainly come to my parties⁠—the men get quite furious if one doesn’t ask them. Really, someone should make a stand against it. Lady Windermere I will, Duchess. I will have no one in my house about whom there is any scandal. Lord Darlington R.C. Oh, don’t say that, Lady Windermere. I should never be admitted! Sitting. The Duchess of Berwick Oh, men don’t matter. With women it is different. We’re good. Some of us are, at least. But we are positively getting elbowed into the corner. Our husbands would really forget our existence if we didn’t nag at them from time to time, just to remind them that we have a perfect legal right to do so. Lord Darlington It’s a curious thing, Duchess, about the game of marriage⁠—a game, by the way, that is going out of fashion⁠—the wives hold all the honours, and invariably lose the odd trick. The Duchess of Berwick The odd trick? Is that the husband, Lord Darlington? Lord Darlington It would be rather a good name for the modern husband. The Duchess of Berwick Dear Lord Darlington, how thoroughly depraved you are! Lady Windermere Lord Darlington is trivial. Lord Darlington Ah, don’t say that, Lady Windermere. Lady Windermere Why do you talk so trivially about life, then? Lord Darlington Because I think that life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about it. Moves up C. The Duchess of Berwick What does he mean? Do, as a concession to my poor wits, Lord Darlington, just explain to me what you really mean. Lord Darlington Coming down back of table. I think I had better not, Duchess. Nowadays to be intelligible is to be found out. Goodbye! Shakes hands with Duchess. And now⁠—goes up stage Lady Windermere, goodbye. I may come tonight, mayn’t I? Do let me come. Lady Windermere Standing up stage with Lord Darlington. Yes, certainly. But you are not to say foolish, insincere things to people. Lord Darlington Smiling. Ah! you are beginning to reform me. It is a dangerous thing to reform anyone, Lady Windermere. Bows, and exit C. The Duchess of Berwick Who has risen, goes C. What a charming, wicked creature! I like him so much. I’m quite delighted he’s gone! How sweet you’re looking! Where do you get your gowns? And now I must tell you how sorry I am for you, dear Margaret. Crosses to sofa and sits with Lady Windermere. Agatha, darling! Lady Agatha Yes, mamma. Rises. The Duchess of Berwick Will you go and look over the photograph album that I see there? Lady Agatha Yes, mamma. Goes to table up L. The Duchess of Berwick Dear girl! She is so fond of photographs of Switzerland. Such a pure taste, I think. But I really am so sorry for you, Margaret. Lady Windermere Smiling. Why, Duchess? The Duchess of Berwick Oh, on account of that horrid woman. She dresses so well, too, which makes it much worse, sets such a dreadful example. Augustus⁠—you know my disreputable brother⁠—such a trial to us all⁠—well, Augustus is completely infatuated about her. It is quite scandalous, for she is absolutely inadmissible into society. Many a woman has a past, but I am told that she has at least a dozen, and that they all fit. Lady Windermere Whom are you talking about, Duchess? The Duchess of Berwick About Mrs. Erlynne. Lady Windermere Mrs. Erlynne? I never heard of her, Duchess. And what has she to do with me? The Duchess of Berwick My poor child! Agatha, darling! Lady Agatha Yes, mamma. The Duchess of Berwick Will you go out on the terrace and look at the sunset? Lady Agatha Yes, mamma. Exit through window, L. The Duchess of Berwick Sweet girl! So devoted to sunsets! Shows such refinement of feeling, does it not? After all, there is nothing like Nature, is there? Lady Windermere But what is it, Duchess? Why do you talk to me about this person? The Duchess of Berwick Don’t you really know? I assure you we’re all so distressed about it. Only last night at dear Lady Jansen’s everyone was saying how extraordinary it was that, of all men in London, Windermere should behave in such a way. Lady Windermere My husband⁠—what has he got to do with any woman of that kind? The Duchess of Berwick Ah, what indeed, dear? That is the point. He goes to see her continually, and stops for hours at a time, and while he is there she is not at home to anyone. Not that many ladies call on her, dear, but she has a great many disreputable men friends⁠—my own brother particularly, as I told you⁠—and that is what makes it so dreadful about Windermere. We looked upon him as being such a model husband, but I am afraid there is no doubt about it. My dear nieces⁠—you know the Saville girls, don’t you?⁠—such nice domestic creatures⁠—plain, dreadfully plain, but so good⁠—well, they’re always at the window doing fancy work, and making ugly things for the poor, which I think so useful of them in these dreadful socialistic days, and this terrible woman has