“Oh, if you’re in a hurry to go, never mind, Theo! I’ll tell mamma.”
Warrender looked at Geoff with a blank but angry gaze. “I told you to run out and play,” he said, his voice sounding harsh and strange. “It’s very bright out of doors. It will be better for you.”
“And, Theo! what shall I learn for tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow!” The child was really frightened by the look Theo gave him: the sudden fading out of the flush, the hollow look in his eyes. Then he flung down the book which all the time he had been holding mechanically in his hand. “Damn tomorrow!” he said.
Geoff’s eyes opened wide with amazement and horror. Was Theo going mad? was that what it meant after all?
XXVII
A minute after he was in the room where Lady Markland sat with her great writing table against the light. He did not know how he got there. It seemed impossible that it could have been by mere walking out of one room into another in the ordinary mechanical way. She rose up, dark against the light, when he went in, which was not at all her habit, but he was not sufficiently self-possessed to be aware of that. She turned towards him, which perhaps was an involuntary, instinctive precaution, for against the full daylight in the great window he could but imperfectly see her features. The precaution was unnecessary. His eyes were not clear enough to perceive what was before him. He saw his conception of her, serene in a womanly majesty far above his troubled state of passion, and was quite incapable of perceiving the sympathetic trouble in her face. She held out her hand to him before he could say anything, and said, with a little catch in her breath, “Oh, Mr. Warrender! I—Geoff—we were not sure whether we should see you today.”
This was a perfectly unintentional speech and quite uncalled for; for nobody could be more regular, more punctual, than Warrender. It was the first thing she could find to say.
“Did you think I could stay away?” he asked, in a low and hurried tone, which was not at all the beginning he had intended. Then he added, “But I have given Geoff a holiday, if you can accord me a little time—if I may speak to you.”
“Geoff is not like other boys,” she said, with a nervous laugh, still standing with her back to the light. “He does not rejoice in a holiday like most children; you have made him love his work.”
“It is not about Geoff,” he said. “I have—something to say to you, if you will hear me. I—cannot be silent any longer.”
“Oh,” she said, “you are going to tell me—I know what it is you are going to say—that this cannot continue. I knew that must come sooner or later. Mr. Warrender, you don’t need to be told how grateful I am; I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You have done so much for us. It was clear that it could not—go on forever.” She put out her hand for her chair, and drew it closer, and sat down, still with her back to the window; and now even in his preoccupation with his own overwhelming excitement he saw that she trembled a little, and that there was agitation in her tone.
“Lady Markland, it is not that. It is more than that. The moment has come when I must—when I cannot keep it up any longer. Ah!” for she made a little movement with her hand as if to impose silence. “Must it be so? must I go unheard?” He came closer to her, holding out his hands in the eloquence of nature, exposing his agitated countenance to the full revelation of the light. “It is not much, is it, in return for a life—only to be allowed to speak, once: for half an hour, for five minutes—once—and then to be silent.” Here he paused for breath—still holding out his hands in a silent appeal. “But if that is my sentence I will accept it,” he said.
“Oh, Mr. Warrender, do not speak so. Your sentence! from me, that am so deeply in your debt, that never can repay—but I know you never thought of being repaid.”
“You will repay me now, tenfold, if you will let me speak.”
She put out her hand towards a chair, pointing him to it, and gave him an agitated smile. “Of course you shall speak, whatever you wish or please—as if to your mother, or your elder sister, or an old, old friend.”
She put up this little barrier of age instinctively, hastily snatching at the first defensive object she could find. And he sat down as she bade him, but now that he had her permission said nothing—nothing with his tongue, but with his clasped hands and with his eyes so much, that she covered hers with an involuntary movement, and uttered a little agitated cry. For the moment he was incapable of anything more.
“Mr. Warrender,” she said tremulously, “don’t, oh, don’t say what will make us both unhappy. You know that I am your—friend; you know that I am a great deal older than you are; Geoff’s mother, not a woman to whom—not a woman open to—not a—”
“I will tell you,” he said, “I know better; this one thing I know better. A woman as far above me as heaven is above earth, whom I am not worth a look or a word from. Do you think I don’t know that? You will say I ought not to have come, knowing what I did, that there was no woman but you in the world for me, and that you were not for me, nor ever would have any thought of me. I should have taken care of myself, don’t you think? But I don’t think so,” he added, almost with violence. “I have had a year
