I own I dread the thunder.”
“I know,” said agent, “It is true,
Thunder’s most dangerous of the two”;
Said Jones, “Set me up thunder rods,
And from my mind it will take loads.”
Said agent, “Lightning easy glides,
O’er these brass tips it smoothly slides,
But when the thunder loudly rolls,
These nickel tips it soon controls.
But Jones, you are a man of sense,
You see thunder rods are more expense”;
Said Jones, “I care not for the cost,
Safety is what I prize the most.”
Said agent, “Biggest bolt of thunder
Will be harmless as coal cinder;
You then can smile while each explodes,
When we get up your thunder rods.”
Conquered by a Child
A gent and lady take a trip
Along Pacific coast in ship,
And with them is little daughter,
For she doth enjoy the water.
The little maiden is adored
By all the sailors are aboard;
The wheelsman often child did coax
To go up with him to his box.
And she is a great favorite too
Among the whole of the deck crew;
On lower deck was strange cargo,
Three men chained on way to Fargo.
They are ruffians desperate,
And law and order both they hate,
But conquered by this little child,
Who talked to them and on them smiled.
These men, though they were bound in chains,
They soon forgot their rage and pains,
And felt she was an angel, sent
For to request them to repent.
Sheriff with pistols in his hand,
O’er those men lie held command;
But vessel struck ’gainst sunken rock
And child went o’erboard with the shock.
Bill Jones, though chained hand and foot,
Cried, “Sheriff please now do not shoot,
And little darling I will save
From sinking in a watery grave.”
His hands and feet they both were tied,
Yet danger all he bold defied;
It seems the Lord doth efforts bless,
With teeth he seized the child by dress,
And held her head above the wave
’Till rescue comes them both to save;
All on board were glad to see
The sheriff set brave Bill Jones free.
Joined His Church
They tell us, May, that love is blind,
But dear, there’s something on my mind;
And since we now are engaged,
I hope you will not be enraged.
Can you, dear May, now bear the news
From the poor husband vou would choose;
I fear to tell you, but I must,
That I am a somnambulist.
Said she, “Dear Dick, I will not lurch,
But stick to you if that’s your church;
Though I own, as a tender maid
Of your belief I was afraid.
But now the name I do not heed,
And will adopt it as my creed;
Though, alas, she soon is weeping
To see her husband walking sleeping.
Soldier and Gander
When Sherman marched through Georgia,
Hanger in soldiers oft did knaw;
A soldier longing for to dine
He soon procured a hook and line,
And put on hook a tempting bait.
And old wife stood beside her gate,
And round her a flock of geese;
The soldier he resolved to fleece
The old Irtdy of her gander,
And make it from flock to wander;
Quick as the soldier threw the bait
The gander then it left each mate.
And it then seem’d to the beholder
As if the gander chased the soldier;
Old lady told soldier not to run,
For gander only was in fun,
And she would pledge to him her word,
The gander was kind-hearted bird;
She never knew him yet to fight,
For in good deeds he took delight.
The soldier cried, “I will not stay,
But from fierce fowl will run away”;
Old woman she could not divine,
Gander was pulled by hook and line.
When soldier got across the hill,
He took the hook from out its bill,
Twisted its neck, and goose did roast,
Oft of that meal he yet doth boast.
Indian Wars
We started to march o’er the plain,
And looked for shelter long in vain,
At last a scout brought in the news,
He found a house to rendezvous.
A large block house in the valley
Where the company could rally;
And soon they start a cheerful fire
With all the comfort they desire.
But when the wind went howling by,
It bore along an infant’s cry;
Men rushed out on the prairie
For to find the little fairy.
They found child in arms of mother,
And met its father and its brother,
And a young sister who was quite small,
With kitten wrapped up in a shawl.
These folks were drawn by an ox team,
And of such storm they did not dream;
O’er wagon canvas erection,
It gave them but slight protection.
But though this family was in gloom,
The soldiers gave them warm room,
Where they slept till dawn of day,
Then emigrants went on their way.
But soon a soldier gave alarm,
Which to us seem’d to bring us harm;
He thought, or was it but a dream,
That he heard the baby scream.
Horror on all it did hefal,
When soldier said ’twas wrapped in shawl;
We knew not how it should be fed,
And feared that soon it would be dead.
The mess we fixed is historic,
For to feed it milk and paregoric;
Just then we heard Indians yell,
And thick ’mong us their arrows fell.
But they found they could not trifle
With us, when each seized his rifle;
But so quick they us surrounded,
Several of our men were wounded.
But soon quiet did reign supreme,
Then infant once more was the theme,
Though no more the babe doth squall,
For arrows have transfixed the shawl,
Each soldier’s heart was grieved sore,
For blood it trickled to the floor;
So much witl, grief they were smitten,
They opened shawl and found dead kitten.
Love in a Snowdrift
One winter day in snow-bound train,
In drift we stuck in State of Maine;
It happened near a village small,
And near the track was public hall.
The passengers did all complain
Of these fierce blizzards blow in Maine;
With snow plough they had striven all day,
But found they could not make headway.
The weary hours brought grief and pain
To many on that trip in Maine;
On me the passengers they call
To lecture to them in the hall.
And the next morning I felt vain,
When a young man, belonged to Maine,
Warmly thanked me for my lecture,
“Well pleased with it,” was my conjecture.
He said it gave him chance to gain
The heart of finest girl in Maine;
When to the hall you all resorted,
The sweet girl in car I courted.
My vanity at first was slain.
But when the young man there in Maine
Asked me to wed him to his Jane,
I
