A Woman of No Importance

hands. She touches him and he looks up. Gerald, I cannot give you a father, but I have brought you a wife. Gerald Mother, I am not worthy either of her or you. Mrs. Arbuthnot So she comes first, you are worthy. And when you are away, Gerald⁠ ⁠… with⁠ ⁠… her⁠—oh, think of me sometimes. Don’t forget me. And when you pray, pray for me. We should pray when we are happiest, and you will be happy, Gerald. Hester Oh, you don’t think of leaving us? Gerald Mother, you won’t leave us? Mrs. Arbuthnot I might bring shame upon you! Gerald Mother! Mrs. Arbuthnot For a little then: and if you let me, near you always. Hester To Mrs. Arbuthnot. Come out with us to the garden. Mrs. Arbuthnot Later on, later on. Exeunt Hester and Gerald. Mrs. Arbuthnot goes towards door L.C. Stops at looking-glass over mantelpiece and looks into it. Enter Alice R.C. Alice A gentleman to see you, ma’am. Mrs. Arbuthnot Say I am not at home. Show me the card. Takes card from salver and looks at it. Say I will not see him. Lord Illingworth enters. Mrs. Arbuthnot sees him in the glass and starts, but does not turn round. Exit Alice. What can you have to say to me today, George Harford? You can have nothing to say to me. You must leave this house. Lord Illingworth Rachel, Gerald knows everything about you and me now, so some arrangement must be come to that will suit us all three. I assure you, he will find in me the most charming and generous of fathers. Mrs. Arbuthnot My son may come in at any moment. I saved you last night. I may not be able to save you again. My son feels my dishonour strongly, terribly strongly. I beg you to go. Lord Illingworth Sitting down. Last night was excessively unfortunate. That silly Puritan girl making a scene merely because I wanted to kiss her. What harm is there in a kiss? Mrs. Arbuthnot Turning round. A kiss may ruin a human life, George Harford. I know that. I know that too well. Lord Illingworth We won’t discuss that at present. What is of importance today, as yesterday, is still our son. I am extremely fond of him, as you know, and odd though it may seem to you, I admired his conduct last night immensely. He took up the cudgels for that pretty prude with wonderful promptitude. He is just what I should have liked a son of mine to be. Except that no son of mine should ever take the side of the Puritans: that is always an error. Now, what I propose is this. Mrs. Arbuthnot Lord Illingworth, no proposition of yours interests me. Lord Illingworth According to our ridiculous English laws, I can’t legitimise Gerald. But I can leave him my property. Illingworth is entailed, of course, but it is a tedious barrack of a place. He can have Ashby, which is much prettier, Harborough, which has the best shooting in the north of England, and the house in St. James Square. What more can a gentleman require in this world? Mrs. Arbuthnot Nothing more, I am quite sure. Lord Illingworth As for a title, a title is really rather a nuisance in these democratic days. As George Harford I had everything I wanted. Now I have merely everything that other people want, which isn’t nearly so pleasant. Well, my proposal is this. Mrs. Arbuthnot I told you I was not interested, and I beg you to go. Lord Illingworth The boy is to be with you for six months in the year, and with me for the other six. That is perfectly fair, is it not? You can have whatever allowance you like, and live where you choose. As for your past, no one knows anything about it except myself and Gerald. There is the Puritan, of course, the Puritan in white muslin, but she doesn’t count. She couldn’t tell the story without explaining that she objected to being kissed, could she? And all the women would think her a fool and the men think her a bore. And you need not be afraid that Gerald won’t be my heir. I needn’t tell you I have not the slightest intention of marrying. Mrs. Arbuthnot You come too late. My son has no need of you. You are not necessary. Lord Illingworth What do you mean, Rachel? Mrs. Arbuthnot That you are not necessary to Gerald’s career. He does not require you. Lord Illingworth I do not understand you. Mrs. Arbuthnot Look into the garden. Lord Illingworth rises and goes towards window. You had better not let them see you: you bring unpleasant memories. Lord Illingworth looks out and starts. She loves him. They love each other. We are safe from you, and we are going away. Lord Illingworth Where? Mrs. Arbuthnot We will not tell you, and if you find us we will not know you. You seem surprised. What welcome would you get from the girl whose lips you tried to soil, from the boy whose life you have shamed, from the mother whose dishonour comes from you? Lord Illingworth You have grown hard, Rachel. Mrs. Arbuthnot I was too weak once. It is well for me that I have changed. Lord Illingworth I was very young at the time. We men know life too early. Mrs. Arbuthnot And we women know life too late. That is the difference between men and women. A pause. Lord Illingworth Rachel, I want my son. My money may be of no use to him now. I may be of no use to him, but I want my son. Bring us together, Rachel. You can do it if you choose. Sees letter on table. Mrs. Arbuthnot There is no room in my boy’s life for you. He is not interested in you. Lord Illingworth Then why does he write to me? Mrs. Arbuthnot What do you mean? Lord Illingworth What letter is this? Takes up letter. Mrs. Arbuthnot That⁠—is nothing. Give