“I don’t,” I answered, “I don’t understand at all.”
“Ah, yes, you do,” she said, “you understand. …” She paused for a long while, and I was silent. I understood vaguely what she meant; that if Churchill fell amid the clouds of dust of such a collapse, there would be an end of belief in probity … or nearly an end. But I could not see what it all led up to; where it left us.
“You see,” she began again, “I want to make it as little painful to you as I can; as little painful as explanations can make it. I can’t feel as you feel, but I can see, rather dimly, what it is that hurts you. And so … I want to; I really want to.”
“But you won’t do the one thing,” I returned hopelessly to the charge.
“I cannot,” she answered, “it must be like that; there isn’t any way. You are so tied down to these little things. Don’t you see that de Mersch, and—and all these people—don’t really count? They aren’t anything at all in the scheme of things. I think that, even for you, they aren’t worth bothering about. They’re only accidents; the accidents that—”
“That what?” I asked, although I began to see dimly what she meant.
“That lead in the inevitable,” she answered. “Don’t you see? Don’t you understand? We are the inevitable … and you can’t keep us back. We have to come and you, you will only hurt yourself, by resisting.” A sense that this was the truth, the only truth, beset me. It was for the moment impossible to think of anything else—of anything else in the world. “You must accept us and all that we mean, you must stand back; sooner or later. Look even all round you, and you will understand better. You are in the house of a type—a type that became impossible. Oh, centuries ago. And that type too, tried very hard to keep back the inevitable; not only because itself went under, but because everything that it stood for went under. And it had to suffer—heartache … that sort of suffering. Isn’t it so?”
I did not answer; the illustration was too abominably just. It was just that. There were even now all these people—these Legitimists—sneering ineffectually; shutting themselves away from the light in their mournful houses and suffering horribly because everything that they stood for had gone under.
“But even if I believe you,” I said, “the thing is too horrible, and your tools are too mean; that man who has just gone out and—and Callan—are they the weapons of the inevitable? After all, the Revolution …” I was striving to get back to tangible ideas—ideas that one could name and date and label … “the Revolution was noble in essence and made for good. But all this of yours is too vile and too petty. You are bribing, or something worse, that man to betray his master. And that you call helping on the inevitable. …”
“They used to say just that of the Revolution. That wasn’t nice of its tools. Don’t you see? They were the people that went under. … They couldn’t see the good. …”
“And I—I am to take it on trust,” I said, bitterly.
“You couldn’t see the good,” she answered, “it isn’t possible, and there is no way of explaining. Our languages are different, and there’s no bridge—no bridge at all. We can’t meet. …”
It was that revolted me. If there was no bridge and we could not meet, we must even fight; that is, if I believed her version of herself. If I did not, I was being played the fool with. I preferred to think that. If she were only fooling me she remained attainable. If it was as she said, there was no hope at all—not any.
“I don’t believe you,” I said, suddenly. I didn’t want to believe her. The thing was too abominable—too abominable for words, and incredible. I struggled against it as one struggles against inevitable madness, against the thought of it. It hung over me, stupefying, deadening. One could only fight it with violence, crudely, in jerks, as one struggles against the numbness of frost. It was like a pall, like descending clouds of smoke, seemed to be actually present in the absurdly lofty room—this belief in what she stood for, in what she said she stood for.
“I don’t believe you,” I proclaimed, “I won’t. … You are playing the fool with me … trying to get round me … to make me let you go on with these—with these—It is abominable. Think of what it means for me, what people are saying of me, and I am a decent man—You shall not. Do you understand, you shall not. It is unbearable … and you … you try to fool me … in order to keep me quiet …”
“Oh, no,” she said. “Oh, no.”
She had an accent that touched grief, as nearly as she could touch it. I remember it now, as one remembers these things. But then I passed it over. I was too much moved myself to notice it more than subconsciously, as one notices things past which one is whirled. And I was whirled past these things, in an ungovernable fury at the remembrance of what I had suffered, of what I had still to suffer. I was speaking with intense rage, jerking out words, ideas, as floodwater jerks through a sluice the debris of once ordered fields.
“You are,” I said, “you are—you—you—dragging an ancient name through the dust—you …”
I forget what I said. But I remember, “dragging an ancient name.” It struck me, at the time,
