“Oh, Charlie, don’t you know how I love you?”
“But, my dear, I love you. Only we’re not living in a desert island and we’ve got to make the best we can out of the circumstances that are forced upon us. You really must be reasonable.”
“How can I be reasonable? To me our love was everything and you were my whole life. It is not very pleasant to realise that to you it was only an episode.”
“Of course it wasn’t an episode. But you know, when you ask me to get my wife, to whom I’m very much attached, to divorce me, and ruin my career by marrying you, you’re asking a good deal.”
“No more than I’m willing to do for you.”
“The circumstances are rather different.”
“The only difference is that you don’t love me.”
“One can be very much in love with a woman without wishing to spend the rest of one’s life with her.”
She gave him a quick look and despair seized her. Heavy tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Oh, how cruel! How can you be so heartless?”
She began to sob hysterically. He gave an anxious glance at the door.
“My dear, do try and control yourself.”
“You don’t know how I love you,” she gasped. “I can’t live without you. Have you no pity for me?”
She could not speak any more. She wept without restraint.
“I don’t want to be unkind and, Heaven knows, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I must tell you the truth.”
“It’s the ruin of my whole life. Why couldn’t you leave me alone? What harm had I ever done you?”
“Of course if it does you any good to put all the blame on me you may.”
Kitty blazed with sudden anger.
“I suppose I threw myself at your head. I suppose I gave you no peace till you yielded to my entreaties.”
“I don’t say that. But I certainly should never have thought of making love to you if you hadn’t made it perfectly clear that you were ready to be made love to.”
Oh, the shame of it! She knew that what he said was true. His face now was sullen and worried and his hands moved uneasily. Every now and then he gave her a little glance of exasperation.
“Won’t your husband forgive you?” he said after a while.
“I never asked him.”
Instinctively he clenched his hands. She saw him suppress the exclamation of annoyance which came to his lips.
“Why don’t you go to him and throw yourself on his mercy? If he’s as much in love with you as you say he’s bound to forgive you.”
“How little you know him!”
XXVI
She wiped her eyes. She tried to pull herself together.
“Charlie, if you desert me I shall die.”
She was driven now to appeal to his compassion. She ought to have told him at once. When he knew the horrible alternative that was placed before her his generosity, his sense of justice, his manliness, would be so vehemently aroused that he would think of nothing but her danger. Oh, how passionately she desired to feel his dear, protecting arms around her!
“Walter wants me to go to Mei-tan-fu.”
“Oh, but that’s the place where the cholera is. They’ve got the worst epidemic that they’ve had for fifty years. It’s no place for a woman. You can’t possibly go there.”
“If you let me down I shall have to.”
“What do you mean? I don’t understand.”
“Walter is taking the place of the missionary doctor who died. He wants me to go with him.”
“When?”
“Now. At once.”
Townsend pushed back his chair and looked at her with puzzled eyes.
“I may be very stupid, but I can’t make head or tail out of what you’re saying. If he wants you to go to this place with him, what about a divorce?”
“He’s given me my choice. I must either go to Mei-tan-fu or else he’ll bring an action.”
“Oh, I see.” Townsend’s tone changed ever so slightly. “I think that’s rather decent of him, don’t you?”
“Decent?”
“Well, it’s a damned sporting thing of him to go there. It’s not a thing I’d fancy. Of course he’ll get a C.M.G. for it when he comes back.”
“But me, Charlie?” she cried, with anguish in her voice.
“Well, I think if he wants you to go, under the circumstances I don’t see how you can very well refuse.”
“It means death. Absolutely certain death.”
“Oh, damn it all, that’s rather an exaggeration. He would hardly take you if he thought that. It’s no more risk for you than for him. In point of fact there’s no great risk if you’re careful. I’ve been here when there’s been cholera and I haven’t turned a hair. The great thing is not to eat anything uncooked, no raw fruit or salads, or anything like that, and see that your drinking water is boiled.” He was gaining confidence as he proceeded, and his speech was fluent; he was even becoming less sullen and more alert; he was almost breezy. “After all, it’s his job, isn’t it? He’s interested in bugs. It’s rather a chance for him if you come to think of it.”
“But me, Charlie?” she repeated, not with anguish now, but with consternation.
“Well, the best way to understand a man is to put yourself in his shoes. From his point of view you’ve been rather a naughty little thing and he wants to get you out of harm’s way. I always thought he never wanted to divorce you, he doesn’t strike me as that sort of chap; but he made what he thought was a very generous offer and you put his back up by turning it down. I don’t want to blame you, but really for all our sakes I think you ought to have given it a little consideration.”
“But don’t you see it’ll kill me? Don’t you know that he’s taking me there because he knows it’ll kill me.”
“Oh,
