Uncle Vanya

headlong into the abyss so that the Herr Professor and all of us may throw up our hands in amazement! Yelena Angrily. Leave me in peace! How cruel it is! Is about to go out. Voynitsky Prevents her. Come, come, my dearest, forgive me.⁠ ⁠… I apologise kisses her hand. Peace! Yelena You would drive an angel out of patience, you know. Voynitsky As a sign of peace and harmony I’ll fetch you a bunch of roses; I gathered them for you this morning. Autumn roses⁠—exquisite, mournful roses⁠ ⁠… goes out. Sonya Autumn roses⁠—exquisite, mournful roses.⁠ ⁠… Both look out of window. Yelena It’s September already. However are we to get through the winter here? A pause. Where is the doctor? Sonya In Uncle Vanya’s room. He is writing something. I am glad Uncle Vanya is gone. I want to talk to you. Yelena What about? Sonya What about! Lays her head on Yelena’s bosom. Yelena Come, there, there⁠ ⁠… strokes her head. Sonya I am not good-looking. Yelena You have beautiful hair. Sonya No! Looks round so as to see herself in the looking-glass. No! When a woman is plain, she is always told “You have beautiful eyes, you have beautiful hair.”⁠ ⁠… I have loved him for six years. I love him more than my own mother. Every moment I am conscious of him. I feel the touch of his hand and I watch the door. I wait, expecting him every moment to come in. And here you see I keep coming to you simply to talk of him. Now he is here every day, but he doesn’t look at me⁠—doesn’t see me.⁠ ⁠… That’s such agony! I have no hope at all⁠—none, none! In despair. Oh, my God, give me strength.⁠ ⁠… I have been praying all night.⁠ ⁠… I often go up to him, begin talking to him, look into his eyes. I have no pride left, no strength to control myself. I couldn’t keep it in and told Uncle Vanya yesterday that I love him.⁠ ⁠… And all the servants know I love him. Everybody knows it. Yelena And he? Sonya No. He doesn’t notice me. Yelena Musing. He is a strange man.⁠ ⁠… Do you know what? Let me speak to him.⁠ ⁠… I’ll do it carefully⁠—hint at it⁠ ⁠… a pause. Yes really⁠—how much longer are you to remain in uncertainty? Let me! Sonya nods her head in consent. Yelena That’s right. It won’t be difficult to find out whether he loves you or not. Don’t you be troubled, darling; don’t be uneasy. I’ll question him so tactfully that he won’t notice it. All we want to find out is yes or no a pause. If it’s no, he had better not come here, had he? Sonya nods in agreement. Yelena It’s easier to bear when one doesn’t see the man. We won’t put things off; we will question him straight away. He was meaning to show me some charts. Go and tell him that I want to see him. Sonya In violent agitation. You will tell me the whole truth? Yelena Yes, of course. It seems to me that the truth, however dreadful it is, is not so dreadful as uncertainty. Rely on me, dear. Sonya Yes, yes⁠ ⁠… I shall tell him you want to see his charts is going, and stops in the doorway. No, uncertainty is better.⁠ ⁠… One has hope, at least.⁠ ⁠… Yelena What do you say? Sonya Nothing goes out. Yelena Alone. Nothing is worse than knowing somebody else’s secret and not being able to help. Musing. He is not in love with her⁠—that’s evident; but why should he not marry her? She is not good-looking, but she would be a capital wife for a country doctor at his age. She is so sensible, so kind and pure-hearted.⁠ ⁠… No, that’s not it⁠ ⁠… a pause. I understand the poor child. In the midst of desperate boredom, with nothing but grey shadows wandering about instead of human beings, with only dull commonplaces to listen to, among people who can do nothing but eat, drink and sleep⁠—he sometimes appears on the scene unlike the rest, handsome, interesting, fascinating, like a bright moon rising in the darkness.⁠ ⁠… To yield to the charm of such a man⁠ ⁠… forget oneself⁠ ⁠… I believe I am a little fascinated myself. Yes, I feel bored when he does not come, and even now I am smiling when I think of him.⁠ ⁠… That Uncle Vanya says I have mermaid’s blood in my veins. “Let yourself go for once in your life.” Well, perhaps that’s what I ought to do.⁠ ⁠… If I could fly, free as a bird, away from all of you⁠—from your sleepy faces, from your talk, forget your existence.⁠ ⁠… But I am cowardly and diffident.⁠ ⁠… My conscience troubles me.⁠ ⁠… He comes here every day. I guess why he comes, and already I have a guilty feeling. I am ready to throw myself on my knees before Sonya, to beg her pardon, to cry.⁠ ⁠… Astrov Comes in with a chart. Good day! Shakes hands. You wanted to see my handiwork. Yelena You promised yesterday to show me.⁠ ⁠… Can you spare the time? Astrov Oh, of course! Spreads the map on a card table and fixes it with drawing pins. Where were you born? Yelena Helping him. In Petersburg. Astrov And where did you study? Yelena At the School of Music. Astrov I expect this won’t be interesting to you. Yelena Why not? It’s true that I don’t know the country, but I have read a great deal. Astrov I have my own table here, in this house⁠ ⁠… in Ivan Petrovitch’s room. When I am so exhausted that I feel completely stupefied, I throw everything up and fly here and amuse myself with this for an hour or two.⁠ ⁠… Ivan Petrovitch and Sofya Alexandrovna click their counting beads, and I sit beside them at my table and daub away⁠—and I feel snug and comfortable, and the cricket churrs. But I don’t allow myself that indulgence too often⁠—only once a month.⁠ ⁠… Pointing to the map. Now, look