(Here Mr. Wegg repeated “secret hoards,” and pegged his comrade again.)
“ ‘One of Mr. Dancer’s richest escretoires was found to be a dungheap in the cowhouse; a sum but little short of two thousand five hundred pounds was contained in this rich piece of manure; and in an old jacket, carefully tied, and strongly nailed down to the manger, in bank notes and gold were found five hundred pounds more.’ ”
(Here Mr. Wegg’s wooden leg started forward under the table, and slowly elevated itself as he read on.)
“ ‘Several bowls were discovered filled with guineas and half-guineas; and at different times on searching the corners of the house they found various parcels of bank notes. Some were crammed into the crevices of the wall’ ”;
(Here Mr. Venus looked at the wall.)
“ ‘Bundles were hid under the cushions and covers of the chairs’ ”;
(Here Mr. Venus looked under himself on the settle.)
“ ‘Some were reposing snugly at the back of the drawers; and notes amounting to six hundred pounds were found neatly doubled up in the inside of an old teapot. In the stable the Captain found jugs full of old dollars and shillings. The chimney was not left unsearched, and paid very well for the trouble; for in nineteen different holes, all filled with soot, were found various sums of money, amounting together to more than two hundred pounds.’ ”
On the way to this crisis Mr. Wegg’s wooden leg had gradually elevated itself more and more, and he had nudged Mr. Venus with his opposite elbow deeper and deeper, until at length the preservation of his balance became incompatible with the two actions, and he now dropped over sideways upon that gentleman, squeezing him against the settle’s edge. Nor did either of the two, for some few seconds, make any effort to recover himself; both remaining in a kind of pecuniary swoon.
But the sight of Mr. Boffin sitting in the armchair hugging himself, with his eyes upon the fire, acted as a restorative. Counterfeiting a sneeze to cover their movements, Mr. Wegg, with a spasmodic “Tish-ho!” pulled himself and Mr. Venus up in a masterly manner.
“Let’s have some more,” said Mr. Boffin, hungrily.
“John Elwes is the next, sir. Is it your pleasure to take John Elwes?”
“Ah!” said Mr. Boffin. “Let’s hear what John did.”
He did not appear to have hidden anything, so went off rather flatly. But an exemplary lady named Wilcocks, who had stowed away gold and silver in a pickle-pot in a clock-case, a canister-full of treasure in a hole under her stairs, and a quantity of money in an old rattrap, revived the interest. To her succeeded another lady, claiming to be a pauper, whose wealth was found wrapped up in little scraps of paper and old rag. To her, another lady, apple-woman by trade, who had saved a fortune of ten thousand pounds and hidden it “here and there, in cracks and corners, behind bricks and under the flooring.” To her, a French gentleman, who had crammed up his chimney, rather to the detriment of its drawing powers, “a leather valise, containing twenty thousand francs, gold coins, and a large quantity of precious stones,” as discovered by a chimney-sweep after his death. By these steps Mr. Wegg arrived at a concluding instance of the human Magpie:
“Many years ago, there lived at Cambridge a miserly old couple of the name of Jardine: they had two sons: the father was a perfect miser, and at his death one thousand guineas were discovered secreted in his bed. The two sons grew up as parsimonious as their sire. When about twenty years of age, they commenced business at Cambridge as drapers, and they continued there until their death. The establishment of the Messrs. Jardine was the most dirty of all the shops in Cambridge. Customers seldom went in to purchase, except perhaps out of curiosity. The brothers were most disreputable-looking beings; for, although surrounded with gay apparel as their staple in trade, they wore the most filthy rags themselves. It is said that they had no bed, and, to save the expense of one, always slept on a bundle of packing-cloths under the counter. In their housekeeping they were penurious in the extreme. A joint of meat did not grace their board for twenty years. Yet when the first of the brothers died, the other, much to his surprise, found large sums of money which had been secreted even from him.”
“There!” cried Mr. Boffin. “Even from him, you see! There was only two of ’em, and yet one of ’em hid from the other.”
Mr. Venus, who since his introduction to the French gentleman, had been stooping to peer up the chimney, had his attention recalled by the last sentence, and took the liberty of repeating it.
“Do you like it?” asked Mr. Boffin, turning suddenly.
“I beg your pardon, sir?”
“Do you like what Wegg’s been a-reading?”
Mr. Venus answered that he found it extremely interesting.
“Then come again,” said Mr. Boffin, “and hear some more. Come when you like; come the day after tomorrow, half an hour sooner. There’s plenty more; there’s no end to it.”
Mr. Venus expressed his acknowledgments and accepted the invitation.
“It’s wonderful what’s been hid, at one time and another,” said Mr. Boffin, ruminating; “truly wonderful.”
“Meaning sir,” observed Wegg, with a propitiatory face to draw him out, and with another peg at his friend and brother, “in the way of money?”
“Money,” said Mr. Boffin. “Ah! And papers.”
Mr. Wegg, in a languid transport, again dropped over on Mr. Venus, and again recovering himself, masked his emotions with a sneeze.
“Tish-ho! Did you say papers too, sir? Been hidden, sir?”
“Hidden and forgot,” said Mr. Boffin. “Why the bookseller that sold me the Wonderful Museum—where’s the Wonderful Museum?” He was on his knees on the floor in a moment, groping eagerly among the books.
“Can I assist you, sir?” asked Wegg.
“No, I have got it; here it is,”
