The Adventurous Simplicissimus

“Had I known he was yet alive and where he was to be found, I would have had him fetched even against his will, that I might repay his kindnesses: but since Fortune hath denied me that, I will in his place cherish his Simplicissimus.” And “Ah!” says he again, “the good cavalier had cause enough to lament his wife, great with child as she was; for in the pursuit she was captured by a party of Imperialist troopers, and that too in the Spessart. Which when I heard, and knew not but that my brother-in-law was slain at Höchst, at once I sent a trumpeter to the enemy to ask for my sister and ransom her: yet got no more thereby than to learn the said party of troopers had been scattered in the Spessart by a few peasants, and that in that fight my sister had again been lost to them, so that to this hour I know not what became of her.” This and the like made up the table-talk of the Governor and the pastor regarding my hermit and his lady-wife: which pair were the more pitied because they had enjoyed each other’s love but a year. But as to me, I became the Governor’s page, and so fine a fellow that the people, specially the peasants when I must announce them to my master, called me the young lord already: though indeed one seldom sees a youngster that hath been a lord, but oftentimes lords that have been youngsters.

XXIV

How Simplicissimus Blamed the World and Saw Many Idols Therein

Now at that time I had no precious possession save only a clear conscience and a right pious mind, and that clad and surrounded with the purest innocence and simplicity. Of vice I knew no more than that I had at times heard it spoken of or read of it, and if I saw any man commit such sin then was it to me a fearful and a terrible thing, I being so brought up and reared as to have the presence of God ever before my eyes and most earnestly to live according to His holy will: and inasmuch as I knew all this, I could not but compare men’s ways and works with that same will: and methought I saw naught but vileness. Lord God! How did I wonder at the first when I considered the law and the Gospel and the faithful warnings of Christ, and saw, on the contrary part, the deeds of them that gave themselves out to be His disciples and followers! In place of the straightforward dealing which every true Christian should have, I found mere hypocrisy; and besides, such numberless follies among all dwellers in the world that I must needs doubt whether I saw before me Christians or not. For though I could see well that many had a serious knowledge of God’s will: yet could I mark but little serious purpose to fulfil the same. So had I a thousand puzzles and strange thoughts in my mind, and fell into grievous difficulty upon that saying of Christ, which saith, “Judge not, that ye be not judged.” Nevertheless there came into my mind the words of St. Paul in the fifth chapter of Galatians, where he saith: “The works of the flesh are manifest, which are these: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,” and so on: “of the which I tell you before as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.” Then I thought: every man doeth all these things openly: wherefore then should I not in this matter conclude from the apostle’s word that there shall be few that are saved?

Moreover, pride and greed with their worthy accompaniments, gorging and swilling and loose living, were a daily occupation for them of substance: yet what did seem to me most terrible of all was this shameful thing, that some, and specially soldiers, in whose case vice is not wont to be severely punished, should make of both these things, their own godlessness and God’s holy will, a mere jest. For example, I heard once an adulterer which after his deed of shame accomplished would treat thereof, and spake these godless words: “It serves the cowardly cuckold aright,” says he, “to get a pair of horns from me: and if I confess the truth, I did the thing more to vex the husband than to please the wife, and so to be revenged on them.”

“O pitiful revenge!” says one honest heart that stood by, “by which a man staineth his own conscience and gaineth the shameful name of adulterer and fornicator!”

“What! fornicator!” answered he, with a scornful laughter, “I am no fornicator because I have given this marriage a twist: a fornicator is he that the sixth commandment5 speaks of, where it forbids that any man get into another’s garden and nick the fruit before the owner.” How to prove that this was so to be understood, he forthwith explained according to his devil’s catechism the seventh commandment, wherein it is said, “Thou shalt not steal.” And of such words he used many, so that I sighed within myself and thought, “O God-blaspheming sinner, thou callest thyself a marriage-twister: and so then God must be a marriage-breaker, seeing that He doth separate man and wife by death.” And out of mine overflowing zeal and anger I said to him, officer though he was, “Thinkest thou not, thou sinnest more with these godless words than by thine act of adultery.” So he answered me, “Thou rascal, must I give thee a buffet or two?” Yea, and I believe I had received a handsome couple of such if the fellow had not stood in fear of my lord. So I held my peace, and thereafter I marked it was no rare case for single folk to cast eyes upon wedded folk and