The Adventurous Simplicissimus

spent well-nigh the half of my booty in paying of my spies. And for that reason there went no reconnaissance, no convoy, no expedition out from the adversary whose departure was not made known to me: whereupon I laid my plans and founded my projects, and because I commonly brought the same to good effect by the help of good luck, all were astonished: and that chiefly at my youthful age: so that even many officers and good soldiers of the other party much desired to see me. To this must be added that I ever showed myself courteous to my prisoners, so that they often cost me more than my booty was worth, and whensoever I could show a courtesy to any of the adversary, and specially to any officer, without injury to my duty and to my allegiance to my master, I neglected it not. And by such behaviour I had surely been presently forwarded to the rank of officer, had not my youth hindered that: for whosoever, at the age wherein I then was, would be an ensign, must be of noble birth: besides, my captain could not promote me; for there were no vacancies in his own company and he would not let me go to another: for so would he have lost in me a milch-cow and more too. So must I be and remain a corporal. Yet this honour, which I had gained over the heads of old soldiers, though ’twas but a small thing, yet this and the praise which daily I received were to me as spurs to urge me on to better things. And day and night I dreamed only of fresh plans to make myself greater: nay, I could not sleep by reason of such foolish fantasies. And because I saw that I wanted an opportunity to show the courage which I felt in me, it vexed me that I could not every day have the chance to meet the adversary in arms and try the result. So then I wished the Trojan war back again, or such a siege as was at Ostende,20 and fool as I was, I never thought that a pitcher goes to the well till it breaks: and that also is true of a young soldier and a foolish, when he hath but money and luck and courage: thereupon follow haughtiness and pride: and by reason of that pride I hired, in place of one footboy, two serving-men, whom I equipped well and horsed them well, and so gained the envy of all the officers.

XXXI

How the Devil Stole the Parson’s Bacon and How the Huntsman Caught Himself

Now must I tell you a story or two of things that happened to me before I left the dragoons: and though they are trifling, yet are they amusing to be heard: for I undertook not only great things, but despised not also small affairs, if only I could be assured that thereby I should get reputation among the people.

Now my captain was ordered, with fifty odd men on foot, to Schloss Recklinghausen, and there to carry out a certain design: and as we thought that before the plan could be carried out we had best hide ourselves a day or two in the woods, each took with him provision for a week. But inasmuch as the rich convoy we waited for came not at the appointed time, our food gave out: and we dared not to steal, for so had we betrayed ourselves and caused our plan to come to nothing: and so hunger pressed us sore: moreover, I had in that quarter no good friends (as elsewhere) to bring me and my men food in secret. And therefore must we devise other means to line our bellies if we would not go home empty. My comrade, a journeyman Latinist who had but lately run from school and enlisted, sighed in vain for the barley soup which beforetime his parents had served up for his delight, and which he had despised and left untasted: and as he thought on those meals of old, so he remembered his school satchel, beside which he had eaten them.

“Ah, brother;” says he to me, “is’t not a shame that I have not learned arts enough to fill my belly now. Brother, I know, re vera, if I could but get to the parson in that village, ’twould provide me with an excellent convivium.” So I pondered on that word awhile and considered our condition, and because they that knew the country might not leave the ambush (for they had surely been recognised) while those that were unknown to the people knew of no chance to steal or buy in secret, I founded my plan on our student and laid the thing before our captain. And though ’twas dangerous for him also, yet was his trust in me so great, and our plight so evil, that he consented. So I changed clothes with another man, and with my student I shogged off to the said village and that by a wide circuit, though it lay but half an hour from us: and coming thither we forthwith knew the house next the church to be the priest’s abode; for ’twas built town-fashion and abutted on the wall that surrounded the whole glebe. Now I had already taught my comrade what he should say: for he had yet his worn-out old student’s cloak on him: but I gave myself out for a journeyman painter, as thinking I could not well be called upon to exercise that art in the village; for farmers do not often have their houses decorated.

The good divine was civil, and when my comrade had made him a deep Latin reverence and told lies in great abundance to him, as how the soldiers had plundered him on his road and robbed him of all his journey-money, he offered him a piece of