Back to Methuselah

The millions are still to toil⁠—the people⁠—my people⁠—for I am a man of the people⁠— Lubin Interrupting him contemptuously. Don’t be ridiculous, Burge. You are a country solicitor, further removed from the people, more foreign to them, more jealous of letting them up to your level, than any duke or any archbishop. Burge Hotly. I deny it. You think I have never been poor. You think I have never cleaned my own boots. You think my fingers have never come out through the soles when I was cleaning them. You think⁠— Lubin I think you fall into the very common mistake of supposing that it is poverty that makes the proletarian and money that makes the gentleman. You are quite wrong. You never belonged to the people: you belonged to the impecunious. Impecuniosity and broken boots are the lot of the unsuccessful middle class, and the commonplaces of the early struggles of the professional and younger son class. I defy you to find a farm laborer in England with broken boots. Call a mechanic one of the poor, and he’ll punch your head. When you talk to your constituents about the toiling millions, they don’t consider that you are referring to them. They are all third cousins of somebody with a title or a park. I am a Yorkshireman, my friend. I know England; and you don’t. If you did you would know⁠— Burge What do you know that I don’t know? Lubin I know that we are taking up too much of Mr. Barnabas’s time. Franklyn rises. May I take it, my dear Barnabas, that I may count on your support if we succeed in forcing an election before the new register is in full working order? Burge Rising also. May the party count on your support? I say nothing about myself. Can the party depend on you? Is there any question of yours that I have left unanswered? Conrad We haven’t asked you any, you know. Burge May I take that as a mark of confidence? Conrad If I were a laborer in your constituency, I should ask you a biological question? Lubin No you wouldn’t, my dear Doctor. Laborers never ask questions. Burge Ask it now. I have never flinched from being heckled. Out with it. Is it about the land? Conrad No. Burge Is it about the Church? Conrad No. Burge Is it about the House of Lords? Conrad No. Burge Is it about Proportional Representation? Conrad No. Burge Is it about Free Trade? Conrad No. Burge Is it about the priest in the school? Conrad No. Burge Is it about Ireland? Conrad No. Burge Is it about Germany? Conrad No. Burge Well, is it about Republicanism? Come! I won’t flinch. Is it about the Monarchy? Conrad No. Burge Well, what the devil is it about, then? Conrad You understand that I am asking the question in the character of a laborer who earned thirteen shillings a week before the war and earns thirty now, when he can get it? Burge Yes: I understand that. I am ready for you. Out with it. Conrad And whom you propose to represent in parliament? Burge Yes, yes, yes. Come on. Conrad The question is this. Would you allow your son to marry my daughter, or your daughter to marry my son? Burge Taken aback. Oh, come! That’s not a political question. Conrad Then, as a biologist, I don’t take the slightest interest in your politics; and I shall not walk across the street to vote for you or anyone else at the election. Good evening. Lubin Serve you right, Burge! Dr. Barnabas: you have my assurance that my daughter shall marry the man of her choice, whether he be lord or laborer. May I count on your support? Burge Hurling the epithet at him. Humbug! Savvy Stop. They all stop short in the movement of leave-taking to look at her. Daddy: are you going to let them off like this? How are they to know anything if nobody ever tells them? If you don’t, I will. Conrad You can’t. You didn’t read my book; and you know nothing about it. You just hold your tongue. Savvy I just won’t, Nunk. I shall have a vote when I am thirty; and I ought to have it now. Why are these two ridiculous people to be allowed to come in and walk over us as if the world existed only to play their silly parliamentary game? Franklyn Severely. Savvy: you really must not be uncivil to our guests. Savvy I’m sorry. But Mr. Lubin didn’t stand on much ceremony with me, did he? And Mr. Burge hasn’t addressed a single word to me. I’m not going to stand it. You and Nunk have a much better program than either of them. It’s the only one we are going to vote for; and they ought to be told about it for the credit of the family and the good of their own souls. You just tip them a chapter from The Gospel of the Brothers Barnabas, Daddy. Lubin and Burge turn inquiringly to Franklyn, suspecting a move to form a new party. Franklyn It is quite true, Mr. Lubin, that I and my brother have a little program of our own which⁠— Conrad Interrupting. It’s not a little program: it’s an almighty big one. It’s not our own: it’s the program of the whole of civilization. Burge Then why split the party before you have put it to us? For God’s sake let us have no more splits. I am here to learn. I am here to gather your opinions and represent them. I invite you to put your views before me. I offer myself to be heckled. You have asked me only an absurd nonpolitical question. Franklyn Candidly, I fear our program will be thrown away on you. It would not interest you. Burge With challenging audacity. Try. Lubin can go if he likes; but I am still open to new ideas, if only I can find them. Franklyn To Lubin. Are you prepared to listen, Mr. Lubin; or shall I thank you for your very kind and welcome visit, and say