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one another quickly. Confucius May I ask how many years? Mrs. Lutestring Struck by his tone, looks at him for a moment with some displeasure; then replies. It does not matter. A long time. Burge-Lubin You mustn’t rush to conclusions about the Archbishop, Mrs. Lutestring. He is an older bird than you think. Older than you, at all events. Mrs. Lutestring With a melancholy smile. I think not, Mr. President. But the subject is a delicate one. I had rather not pursue it. Confucius There is a question which has not been asked. Mrs. Lutestring Very decisively. If it is a question about my age, Mr. Chief Secretary, it had better not be asked. All that concerns you about my personal affairs can be found in the books of the Accountant General. Confucius The question I was thinking of will not be addressed to you. But let me say that your sensitiveness on the point is very strange, coming from a woman so superior to all common weaknesses as we know you to be. Mrs. Lutestring I may have reasons which have nothing to do with common weaknesses, Mr. Chief Secretary. I hope you will respect them. Confucius After bowing to her in assent. I will now put my question. Have you, Mr. Archbishop, any ground for assuming, as you seem to do, that what has happened to you has not happened to other people as well? Burge-Lubin Yes, by George! I never thought of that. The Archbishop I have never met any case but my own. Confucius How do you know? The Archbishop Well, no one has ever told me that they were in this extraordinary position. Confucius That proves nothing. Did you ever tell anybody that you were in it? You never told us. Why did you never tell us? The Archbishop I am surprised at the question, coming from so astute a mind as yours, Mr. Secretary. When you reach the age I reached before I discovered what was happening to me, I was old enough to know and fear the ferocious hatred with which human animals, like all other animals, turn upon any unhappy individual who has the misfortune to be unlike themselves in every respect: to be unnatural, as they call it. You will still find, among the tales of that twentieth-century classic, Wells, a story of a race of men who grew twice as big as their fellows, and another story of a man who fell into the hands of a race of blind men. The big people had to fight the little people for their lives; and the man with eyes would have had his eyes put out by the blind had he not fled to the desert, where he perished miserably. Wells’s teaching, on that and other matters, was not lost on me. By the way, he lent me five pounds once which I never repaid; and it still troubles my conscience. Confucius And were you the only reader of Wells? If there were others like you, had they not the same reason for keeping the secret? The Archbishop That is true. But I should know. You short-lived people are so childish. If I met a man of my own age I should recognize him at once. I have never done so. Mrs. Lutestring Would you recognize a woman of your age, do you think? The Archbishop I⁠—He stops and turns upon her with a searching look, startled by the suggestion and the suspicion it rouses. Mrs. Lutestring What is your age, Mr. Archbishop? Burge-Lubin Two hundred and eighty-three, he says. That is his little joke. Do you know, Mrs. Lutestring, he had almost talked us into believing him when you came in and cleared the air with your robust common sense. Mrs. Lutestring Do you really feel that, Mr. President? I hear the note of breezy assertion in your voice. I miss the note of conviction. Burge-Lubin Jumping up. Look here. Let us stop talking damned nonsense. I don’t wish to be disagreeable; but it’s getting on my nerves. The best joke won’t bear being pushed beyond a certain point. That point has been reached. I⁠—I’m rather busy this morning. We all have our hands pretty full. Confucius here will tell you that I have a heavy day before me. Barnabas Have you anything more important than this thing, if it’s true? Burge-Lubin Oh, if if, if it’s true! But it isn’t true. Barnabas Have you anything at all to do? Burge-Lubin Anything to do! Have you forgotten, Barnabas, that I happen to be President, and that the weight of the entire public business of this country is on my shoulders? Barnabas Has he anything to do, Confucius? Confucius He has to be President. Barnabas That means that he has nothing to do. Burge-Lubin Sulkily. Very well, Barnabas. Go on making a fool of yourself. He sits down. Go on. Barnabas I am not going to leave this room until we get to the bottom of this swindle. Mrs. Lutestring Turning with deadly gravity on the Accountant General. This what, did you say? Confucius These expressions cannot be sustained. You obscure the discussion in using them. Barnabas Glad to escape from her gaze by addressing Confucius. Well, this unnatural horror. Will that satisfy you? Confucius That is in order. But we do not commit ourselves to the implications of the word horror. The Archbishop By the word horror the Accountant General means only something unusual. Confucius I notice that the honorable Domestic Minister, on learning the advanced age of the venerable prelate, shows no sign of surprise or incredulity. Burge-Lubin She doesn’t take it seriously. Who would? Eh, Mrs. Lutestring? Mrs. Lutestring I take it very seriously indeed, Mr. President. I see now that I was not mistaken at first. I have met the Archbishop before. The Archbishop I felt sure of it. This vision of a door opening to me, and a woman’s face welcoming me, must be a reminiscence of something that really happened; though I see it now as an angel opening the gate of heaven. Mrs. Lutestring Or a parlor maid opening the door of the house