Unique as my experiences at the different Palaces of Their Celestial Majesties were, I concluded, after I had lived at Court for a few months, I would never make these experiences public. The Empress Dowager received me in so friendly a manner, I met with such consideration at her hands and such unfailing courtesy from all with whom I came in contact, I felt I should requite this kindness by an equal consideration, and that it was my duty to respect Chinese prejudices and conform to their ideas of “Propriety” by refraining from any relation of my charming experiences.
After I returned to America, I was constantly seeing in newspapers (and hearing of) statements ascribed to me which I never made. Her Majesty was represented as having stood over me in threatening attitudes, forcing me to represent her as a young and beautiful woman! It was reported that she refused to give me any compensation for the portraits, and a number of other statements, equally false, were daily appearing in the papers. The London Times, in speaking of the Empress Dowager, said: “Someone has said ‘she has the soul of a tiger in the body of a woman,’ and Miss Carl found the old lady shrewd and tempestuous.” The latter statement, which I never made, seemed to me enough to have on my shoulders, but the article was copied in American papers and I was put down as the author of the first, as well as of the second statement. The power of the Press has become such that it cannot be ignored. It is of no avail to say nothing in such a case as mine; when you do this, words are put into your mouth and sentiments ascribed to you at the will of the newsmongers. If a correction be made, it never seems to get the same circulation or publicity as the first statement. These erroneous statements continue to appear, and I have finally decided that, in justice to my August Patroness as well as to my humbler self, it is incumbent upon me to correct them, and it seems to me the only proper way to do so is to write a full and true relation of my life at the Palace and my experiences while painting the portraits of Her Majesty the Empress Dowager.
I know I publish this account at the risk of offending the sensibilities of my Chinese friends, for many of them will never know what called it forth. I know that by so doing I may change any favorable opinion they may have formed as to my good-breeding and discretion. I was on sufficiently intimate terms with Her Majesty and the Ladies of the Court to know that this account will be looked upon by them as an “indiscretion,” to say the least of it.
In this story of my life at the Palace, I must naturally give some description of Their Majesties and necessarily make some comment upon their characters. In doing this, I will transgress another long-established rule of Chinese Propriety, which makes any comment, favorable or unfavorable, upon the Sacred Persons of Their Majesties, a breach of etiquette. No act of theirs is ever criticized, no report in reference to them is ever explained, no slander about them is ever refuted by loyal Chinese, and the generality of Chinese are loyal. Thus the falsest statements, not being refuted by those in a position to know, gain in credence until they are reported as facts.
If my comment on Their Majesties and discussion of their acts be favorable, this will be no palliation from the Chinese standpoint. Any sort of comment will be looked upon as a breach of hospitality. I have absolutely nothing to gain, should I suppress any disagreeable facts I may have learned as to Her Majesty. Should I be willing to sacrifice the truth, in order to please my Chinese friends, this would avail me nothing, for should my account of Her Majesty be construed by them into an apology for her, I would be considered most presumptuous and the enormity of my offense aggravated. Thus I am between two fires. Those who read my account may imagine I am trying to justify Her Majesty and thereby gain her favor; and should the Chinese put this construction on it, my indiscretion will become an offense. Knowing all this, and with the memory of the charming consideration I received at the Chinese Court, I nevertheless feel it is my duty to publish a simple and truthful narrative of my experiences, and I hope I may be pardoned for thus breaking Chinese conventions.
The Boxer rebellion was a frequent topic of conversation at the Palace and I heard a great deal about it from the Ladies of the Court. It was not considered at all indiscreet to ask questions on this subject, and I did not hesitate to inform myself by asking about things I wished to know. If it be true, as the philosophers say, that “the proper study of mankind is man under his own environment,” I had an opportunity of studying Her Majesty on the right principles. My account of
