If I Had a Father

grow thin, and the light come through. It is crumbling now! And I shall have to meet her! And then the wedding! Oh my God! Starts up and paces about the room.⁠—It is the only way! My pistols, I think⁠—yes.⁠—Goes to a table, finds his keys, and unlocks a case.⁠—There they are! I may as well have a passport at hand! Loading one.⁠—The delicate thunder-tube! Turns it over lovingly. Solitude and silence! One roar and then rest! No⁠—no rest!⁠—still the demon to fight! But no eyes to meet and brave!⁠—Who is that in the street?⁠—She is at the door⁠—with him! Enter Col. Gervaise and seizes his arm. Gervaise With a cry. You’ve killed my Psyche! Goes to the clay, and lifts the cloth. There’s the bullet-hole through her heart! Col. Gervaise It might have been worse, sir. Gervaise Worse! I’ve killed her! See where she flies! She’s gone! She’s gone! Bursts into tears. Col. Gervaise leads him to the couch. Thank you, William. I couldn’t help it. That man was with her. I meant it for myself. Col. Gervaise Who did you say was with her? Gervaise You mustn’t heed what I say. I am mad. A knock. He starts up. Don’t let them in, William. I shall rave if you do. Col. Gervaise catches up the pistols and exit hurriedly. Gervaise throws himself on the couch. Reenter Col. Gervaise. Col. Gervaise Aside. He is in love with her! Everything proves it. My boy! My boy! Gervaise Father! father!⁠—Oh, William! I was dreaming, and took you for my father! I must die, William⁠—somehow. There must be some way out of this! The doors can’t all be locked. Col. Gervaise There’s generally a chance to be had, sir. There’s always a right and a wrong fighting it out somewhere. There’s Garibaldi in the field again! Die by the hand of an enemy⁠—if you will die, sir. Gervaise Smiling. That I couldn’t, William: the man that killed me would be my best friend.⁠—Yes⁠—Garibaldi!⁠—I don’t deserve it, though: he fights for his country; I should fight but for death. Only a man doesn’t stop when he dies⁠—does he, William? Col. Gervaise I trust not, sir. But he may hope to be quieter⁠—that is, if he dies honestly. It’s grand for a soldier! He sweeps on the roaring billows of war into a soundless haven! Think of that, sir! Gervaise Why, William! how you talk!⁠—Yes! it would be grand! On the crest of the war-cataract⁠—heading a cavalry charge!⁠—Tomorrow, William. I shall be getting stronger all the way. We’ll start tomorrow. Col. Gervaise Where for, sir? Gervaise For Italy⁠—for Garibaldi. You’ll go with me? Col. Gervaise To the death, sir. Gervaise Yes; that’s it⁠—that’s where I’m going. But not today. Look at my arm: it wouldn’t kill a rat!⁠—You saved my life, but I’m not grateful. If I was dead, I might be watching her⁠—out of the lovely silence!⁠—My poor Psyche! Col. Gervaise She’s none the worse, sir. The pistol didn’t go off. Gervaise Ah!⁠—She ought to have fallen to pieces⁠—long ago! You’ve been seeking to keep her shroud wet. But it’s no matter. Let her go. Earth to earth, and dust to dust!⁠—the law of Nature⁠—and Art too. Exit into the house. Col. Gervaise Following him. I mustn’t lose sight of him.⁠—Here he comes again, thank God!

Catches up a coat, and begins brushing it.

Reenter Gervaise.

Gervaise I don’t like to see you doing that. Col. Gervaise Why shouldn’t I serve my own⁠—superior, sir? Anything’s better than serving yourself. And that’s what everyone does who won’t serve other people. Gervaise You are right. And it’s so cheap. Col. Gervaise And so nasty! Gervaise Right again, William!⁠—Right indeed!⁠—You’re a gentleman! If there’s anything I could help you in⁠—anything gone wrong⁠—any friends offended⁠—I’m not altogether without influence. Col. Gervaise Aside. He will vanquish me with my own weapons! Gervaise But you will go to Garibaldi with me? Col. Gervaise I will, sir. Gervaise And ride by my side? Col. Gervaise Of course. Gervaise If you ride by me, you will have to ride far. Col. Gervaise I know, sir. But if you would be fit for fighting, you must come and have something to eat and drink. Gervaise All right. A soldier must obey: I shall begin by obeying you. Only mind you keep up with me. Exit, leaning on Col. Gervaise. Enter Thomas. Thomas Th’ dule a mon be yere! Aw’re main troubled to get shut ov they reyvers! Aw’m olez i’ trouble! Mine’s a gradely yed! it be!⁠—Hoy!⁠—Nobory yere! ’T seems to me, honest men be scarce i’ Lonnon. Aw’m beawn to believe nobory but mo own heighes, and mo own oud lass. Exit. Reenter Gervaise, followed by Col. Gervaise. Gervaise No, William; I won’t lie down. I feel much better. Let’s have a bout with the foils. Col. Gervaise Very well, sir. Aside. A little of that will go far, I know. Gets down the foils. Gervaise And, William, you must set a block up here. I shall have a cut or two at it tomorrow. There’s a good cavalry weapon up there⁠—next that cast of Davis’s arm. Col. Gervaise Suppose your father were to arrive just after you had started! Gervaise I shouldn’t mind. I don’t want to see him yet. I’m such a poor creature! The heart seems to have gone out of me. You see, William⁠— Enter Mrs. Clifford. Gervaise Ah! How do you do, aunt? Mrs. Clifford What’s this nonsense about Garibaldi, Arthur? Gervaise Who told you? Mrs. Clifford You don’t mean it’s true? Gervaise Quite true, aunt. Mrs. Clifford Really, Arthur, you are more of a scatterbrain than I took you for! Gervaise Don’t say that, aunt. I only take after my father. Mrs. Clifford Don’t talk to me of your father! I have no patience with him. A careless hard-hearted fellow⁠—not worthy the name of a father! She glares at Sir Walter. Gervaise You may go, William. Col. Gervaise retires slowly. Gervaise Aunt, you have been a mother to me; but were you really my mother, I must not listen to such words