Ivanov

sell the rye! Strides about the stage. Do you suppose I’d hesitate? Eh? No; you’ve hit on the wrong man for that.⁠ ⁠… Shabelsky’s voice inside: “It is impossible to play with you.⁠ ⁠… You have no more ear than a stuffed pike, and your touch is appalling!” Anna Petrovna Appears at the open window. Who was talking here just now? Was it you, Misha? Why are you striding about like that? Borkin Your Nicolas-voilà is enough to drive one to anything! Anna Petrovna I say, Misha, tell them to bring some hay on to the croquet lawn. Borkin Waving her off. Please let me alone.⁠ ⁠… Anna Petrovna Goodness! what a way to speak!⁠ ⁠… That tone doesn’t suit you at all. If you want women to like you, you must never let them see you cross or standing on your dignity. To her husband. Nikolay, let us roll about on the hay! Ivanov It’s bad for you to stand at an open window, Anyuta. Please go in⁠ ⁠… Calls. Uncle, shut the window. The window is shut. Borkin Don’t forget that in two days’ time you have to pay Lebedyev his interest. Ivanov I remember. I shall be at Lebedyev’s today, and I will ask him to wait looks at his watch. Borkin When are you going? Ivanov Directly. Borkin Eagerly. Wait a minute! I do believe it is Sasha’s birthday today⁠ ⁠… tut⁠—tut⁠—tut⁠ ⁠… and I forgot it.⁠ ⁠… What a memory! Skips about. I am going⁠—I am going sings. I am going.⁠ ⁠… I’ll go and have a bathe, chew some paper, take three drops of spirits of ammonia⁠—and I shall be ready to begin all over again.⁠ ⁠… Nikolay Alexeyevitch darling, my precious, angel of my heart, you are always in a state of nerves, complaining, and in the dismal doldrums, and yet the devil only knows what we two might bring off together! I am ready to do anything for you.⁠ ⁠… Would you like me to marry Marfusha Babakin for you? Half her dowry shall be yours⁠ ⁠… no, not half, all, all shall be yours! Ivanov Do shut up with your silly rot. Borkin No, seriously! Would you like me to marry Marfusha? We’ll go halves over the dowry.⁠ ⁠… But there, why do I talk about it to you? As though you would understand! Mimicking. “Shut up with your silly rot.” You are a fine man, an intelligent man, but you’ve none of that streak in you, you know⁠—none of that go⁠ ⁠… To have a fling to make the devils sick with envy.⁠ ⁠… You are a neurotic, a drooper, but if you were a normal man you would have a million in a year. For instance, if I had at this moment two thousand three hundred roubles, I would have twenty thousand in a fortnight. You don’t believe it? You call that silly rot too? No, it’s not silly rot.⁠ ⁠… There, give me two thousand three hundred roubles and in a week I’ll bring you twenty thousand. On the other side of the river Ovsyanov is selling a strip of land just opposite us for two thousand three hundred roubles. If we were to buy that strip, both sides of the river would be ours, and if both banks were ours, you know, we should have the right to dam up the river, shouldn’t we? We’d set about building a mill, and, as soon as we let people know we were going to make a dam, all the people living down the river would make a hullaballoo, and we’d say⁠—kommen sie hier, if you don’t want to have a dam, buy us off. Do you understand? Zarevsky’s factory would give us five thousand, Korolkov three thousand, the monastery five thousand.⁠ ⁠… Ivanov That’s all stuff and nonsense, Misha.⁠ ⁠… If you don’t want to quarrel with me, keep such schemes to yourself. Borkin Sits down to the table. Of course!⁠ ⁠… I knew it would be so!⁠ ⁠… You won’t do anything yourself, and you won’t let me. Enter Shabelsky and Lvov. Shabelsky Coming out of the house with Lvov. Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that the lawyers rob you, and the doctors rob you and murder you.⁠ ⁠… I am not speaking of present company sits down on the garden-seat. Charlatans, exploiters.⁠ ⁠… Perhaps in Arcadia there may be some exceptions to the general rule, but⁠ ⁠… In the course of my life I’ve spent twenty thousand or so on doctors, and I never met a single one who did not seem to me a licensed swindler. Borkin To Ivanov. Yes, you do nothing yourself, and you won’t let me do anything. That’s why we have no money.⁠ ⁠… Shabelsky I repeat that I am not speaking of present company.⁠ ⁠… Perhaps there are exceptions, though indeed⁠ ⁠… yawns. Ivanov Shutting his book. What do you say, doctor? Lvov Looking round towards the window. What I said to you this morning: she must go to the Crimea at once paces about the stage. Shabelsky Giggles. Crimea!⁠ ⁠… Why don’t you and I go in for being doctors, Misha? It’s so simple.⁠ ⁠… As soon as some Madame Angot or Ophelia begins wheezing and coughing because she has nothing better to do, you’ve to take a sheet of paper and prescribe according to the rules of your science: first, a young doctor, then a trip to the Crimea, a Tatar guide in the Crimea.⁠ ⁠… Ivanov To Shabelsky. Oh, do stop it! How you do keep on! To Lvov. To go to the Crimea one must have money. Even if I do manage to get it, she absolutely refuses to go. Lvov Yes, she does a pause. Borkin I say, doctor, is Anna Petrovna really so ill that it is necessary for her to go to the Crimea? Lvov Looking round towards the window. Yes, it’s consumption. Borkin Ss⁠—ss!⁠ ⁠… That’s bad.⁠ ⁠… For some time past I’ve thought she looked as though she wouldn’t last long. Lvov But⁠ ⁠… don’t talk so loud⁠ ⁠… you will