Kitty and the Midnight Hour

Why did people like this even listen to my show? Probably to collect quotes they could take out of context. The answers I gave to vampire orgy questions always came back to haunt me later.

The senator had the good grace to look discomfited. He shifted in his seat and pursed his lips. 'Well, Evan, I'm afraid I'm not the expert on punishing the unrighteous you think I am. In this day and age, I believe the current penal system addresses any crimes for which the minions of Satan might be convicted, and the just punishments for those crimes. And if they come up with new crimes, well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, won't we?'

That was what made guys like Duke so scary. They were so articulate in making the weirdest statements.

Senator Joseph Duke, a fifty-something nondescript picture of Middle America, like the guy in the American Gothic painting but twenty pounds heavier, sat at the other end of the table, as far away from me as he possibly could and still reach the microphone. He had two suited bodyguards with him. One of them had his gun drawn, propped in the crook of his crossed arms. The senator refused to be in the same room with me without the bodyguards. I asked about the gun—silver bullets? Of course.

After all the people declaring that the show and my identity had to be hoaxes, part of some elaborate ratings scheme, or a sick joke played on my gullible fans, Duke's unquestioning belief in my nature was almost refreshing. He almost refused to come on the show at all—originally he'd been scheduled to appear the week after Cormac invaded. We'd had to postpone. I'd had to agree to the bodyguards.

'Next caller, please. Lucy, hello.'

'Hello, Kitty. Senator, I want to know how after all your talk about smiting heathens and ridding the country of the nefarious influences of the unrighteous, which you have openly stated include werewolves, can you sit there in the same room with Kitty like nothing's wrong?' I couldn't judge Lucy's tone. It might have been the height of sarcasm, her trying to get a rise out of him; or she might have been in earnest.

'Lucy, the Lord Jesus taught us not to abandon the unrighteous. That even the gravest sinner might be saved if they only let the light of Christ into their hearts. I see my time on this show as the ultimate chance to reach out to the unrighteous.'

In my experience, becoming a werewolf had more to do with bad luck than with being a sinner. I couldn't mock his belief, or his sentiment, though. He wasn't advocating mass werewolf slayings, which made him better than some people. My folder of death threats had gotten thick over the months.

Lucy said, 'So, Kitty, has he reached out to you?'

A couple of impolite responses occurred to me, and for once I kept them on the inside. 'Well, as I've said before, while I may not be the most righteous bitch on the airwaves, I certainly don't feel particularly unrighteous. But I'm probably using the word differently than the senator. Let's just say I'm listening attentively, as usual.'

The sound engineer gestured through the window to the boom, giving me a count of time left. Not Matt. I was in Albuquerque this week, at a public radio station that carried the show. It wasn't my booth, or my microphone, and the chair was too new, not as squishy as my chair back at KNOB. I missed that chair. I missed Matt.

'All right, faithful listeners—and mind you, I'm probably using the word 'faithful' differently than Senator Duke would use it. We've got just a couple of minutes left for closing words. Senator, I have one more question for you, if you don't mind.'

'Go right ahead.'

'Earlier in the show we discussed the little-publicized report released by a branch of the NIH, a government-sponsored study that made an empirical examination of supernatural beings such as werewolves and vampires. I'd like to ask you, if I may: If the U.S. government is on the verge of labeling lycanthropy and vampirism as diseases—by that I mean identifiable physiological conditions—how does that reconcile with the stance taken by many religious doctrines that these conditions are marks of sin?'

'Well, Ms. Norville, like you, I've read that report. And rather than contradicting my stance on these conditions as you call them, I believe it supports me.'

'How?'

'I said before that I want to reach out to people suffering from these terrible afflictions—just as we as a society must reach out to anyone suffering from illness. We must help them find their way to the righteous path of light.'

And what did the vampires think of being led to the path of light?

'How would you do this, Senator?' I said, a tad more diplomatically.

He straightened, launching on a speech like he'd been waiting for this moment, for this exact question. 'Many diseases, such as lycanthropy and vampirism in particular, are highly contagious. Folklore has taught us this for centuries, and now modern science confirms it.'

'I'd argue with the highly, but go on.'

'As with any contagious disease, the first step should be to isolate the victims. Prevent the spread of the disease. By taking firm steps, I believe we could wipe out these conditions forever, in just a few years.'

A vague, squishy feeling settled on my stomach. 'So you would… and please, correct me if I've misinterpreted… you would round up all the werewolves you could and force them into, what? Hospitals, housing projects—' Dare I say it? Oh, sure. '—ghettos?'

Duke missed the jab entirely. 'I think hospitals in this case would be most appropriate. I'm confident that given the time and resources, science will find a way to eradicate the mark of the beast that has settled on these blighted souls.'

If it wasn't so sad, I'd laugh. Trouble was, I'd talked to people like this enough to know I'd never argue them out of their beliefs. 'Right. I think I and my blighted soul need a drink. That must mean we're near the end of our time. Once again, Senator Duke, thank you so much for being on the show.'

'Thank you for having me. And I want you to know that I am praying for you. You can be saved.'

'Thanks. I appreciate it.' The other thing about people like this was how they completely lacked the ability to identify sarcasm. 'Right, I think we have a whole lot of food for thought after that. And just so everyone out there is clear about how I stand on the issue, and because I've never been shy about expressing my opinion: I think we need to look to the lessons of history when we discuss how the government should handle these issues. I for one don't want people with black armbands coming for me in the middle of the night.' This was my show. I always got the last word.

'Thank you for listening. This is Kitty Norville, Voice of the Night.' Cue the wolf howl. Another one in the can.

I sat back and sighed.

Senator Duke was staring at me. 'It won't come to that.'

I shrugged. 'That's what they said in Berlin in the thirties.'

'I would think people like you would want to be helped.'

'The trouble is in how many definitions of 'help' there are. Everyone thinks they have the right answer. I did mean it, though—I appreciate your being on the show, Senator.' I stood and offered my hand to shake. Frowning, he looked at it. 'I can't hurt your with just a handshake. Honest.'

Nodding crisply at his bodyguards, he turned his shoulder to me and left.

I blew out the breath I'd been holding. That was rough.

But never let it be said my show was one-sided.

I went to the control booth, where the engineer handed me the phone. 'Hey, Matt.'

'Hey, Kitty. Sounded good.' Matt still worked on the show remotely, coaching the local guys on how to run things, making sure the phone number got transferred, stuff like that.

'Cool. Thanks. It only sounds good 'cause you're the best.'

'Yeah, I'll believe it when Ozzie gives me a raise. Hey, speak of the devil. Talk to you later, Kitty.' There was a rustling as he handed the phone over.

Ozzie came on the line. 'Great show, Kitty. Just great. You had that bozo sweating, I could tell.'

'You think they're all great, Ozzie.'

'That's 'cause they are. I'm your biggest fan. Are you going to be in Albuquerque next week, or someplace else?'

'Someplace else, I think. I haven't decided. I'll let you know.'