1. I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this two-for-one coupon before it expired.
2. I used to come here all the time with my ex.
3. Would you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
4. I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.
Source: Thompson, Dave “Things Not to Say on Your Valentine’s Date”
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8
JESSICA WOKE to the annoyance of the alarm after what felt like ten minutes of sleep. She’d had a dreadful night, filled with sexual dreams, all of them starring Dan Crawford. Today was going to be relatively calm, and she felt sure he was going to start questioning her in earnest, which made her downright nervous. She was already too intimate with him, and answering him truthfully was going to be tricky. Maybe he wouldn’t ask her anything that would betray her feelings toward him. Although, aside from wanting to sleep with him, she wasn’t sure at all what those feelings were.
It shouldn’t matter. She’d set her course and nothing was going to make her stray, not even a man as fascinating as Dan.
As she gathered her clothes, she thought about Carrie Elward, her roommate in college. Carrie had been a brilliant girl, top of her class. At graduation she’d already accepted a top-paying position at IBM, having had to choose among a host of equally enticing offers. That first year, she’d distinguished herself, saving the company several million dollars with a new program she’d developed, and her future seemed paved with gold. Then she’d met Alex, a stunning charmer from Canada who ran a small but successful dotcom. Within six months, Carrie had lost her luster, and at the end of the year she’d quit IBM to help Alex run his company. The bottom had fallen out shortly thereafter, and Carrie had been reduced to taking a position at American Standard for half the pay.
It was a lesson Jessica took to heart. Not that it was fair. Men didn’t seem to have the same difficulty mixing love and career. But no one had said life was fair. If she wanted to have the kind of security and power she dreamt of, there was no way she could get herself involved in a serious relationship. Later. All that was going to come, just not for a few years. Once she had a vice presidency, she’d be open to more, but until then, she’d be a fool to let her emotions ruin her future.
Maybe, if she was lucky, Dan would still be available, although that was a long shot. She was amazed he wasn’t already married. But, he’d said he hadn’t had much luck with women. She couldn’t see it, unless he was sabotaging himself in some way. That was an all-too-common problem, easy to see in others, invisible to the one most affected.
It did feel weird helping a man she found so attractive gain the skills necessary to find another woman. But she’d promised, and she was a woman of her word.
She had all her things together and she left the safety of her bedroom to head for the shower. Her gaze went immediately to the table by the wet bar. Dan was dressed handsomely in a gray oxford shirt with casual jeans. Her blush spoke as much for her troubled sleep as it did for her immediate and powerful reaction to seeing him. The man was a walking pheromone.
“I hope you like it,” he said.
She followed his gaze to the table, spread out with a large and abundant breakfast array. The plates were domed, so she couldn’t tell what he’d ordered, but she could see orange juice, coffee, toast and a syrup container. “What’s all this?”
“I figured we’d get a quiet meal in before we had to do the photo-shoot thing.”
She headed toward the table, touched at his thoughtfulness. “It looks great.”
“I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I got some of everything.”
She uncovered a plate of scrambled eggs, then another of pancakes. The scent reminded her of her hunger and she set her clothes on one of the chairs and sat in another. “This is very kind.”
“No sweat.” He sat opposite her and started to prepare his plate. Eggs Benedict, crisp bacon, hash browns. She took the scrambled eggs, sausage and the other half of the potatoes. For a while, they ate in silence, drank juice, prepared coffee. Then she noticed his silence, not of word but of gesture, and caught him looking at her with an expression she couldn’t quite name. “What?”
“Nothing,” he said, attacking his food again.
“Come on, I know you want to ask questions. It’s okay. Ask.”
He finished chewing, then stared at his fork for a minute. When he looked up, she found her tummy was tight.
“Why don’t you want a relationship?”
She relaxed. This was an easy one. For the next few minutes she laid out the argument just as it had come to her such a short time ago. He didn’t interrupt, just listened attentively, taking the occasional bite or sip. When she’d finished, she drank some coffee, debating the wisdom of having some pancakes.
“I know women with strong, successful careers who are married.”
She knew it couldn’t be that simple. “I’m sure there are, although I don’t know any. The myth is that women can have it all. It’s not true. Something has to give. I don’t want to have to choose between my career and a man.”
“I don’t blame you. That would be tough. But I don’t believe the choice would be difficult between a career and love. I think you can have both. In fact, I think that with someone there in your corner, someone who cares about you and what you do, the career would change into something much more meaningful. And, at the end of the day, you wouldn’t be alone for your victories. Or your defeats.”
“Being alone doesn’t bother me. And, I might add, for a man your age, you certainly have an idealist view of relationships.”
“Believe me, I’ve thought a lot about that. You’re right. I am being idealistic. But I lived my whole life with two people who loved and respected each other. Watching them together made it impossible for me to settle for anything less.”
She put down her cup. “I’m sorry for you.”
His eyebrows rose in surprise. “Why?”
“Because what you saw with your parents is the exception to the rule. I don’t know a single couple like that.”
“I not only saw it with my parents, but several of their friends.”
“You were lucky.”
“So you think I should just give up? Settle for someone mediocre?”
“No. I don’t think you should settle. Maybe adjust your expectations.”
“To what? What are your expectations?”
“I’m not sure how to answer. I haven’t thought about it that much.”
“Seriously?”
“No. I’ve been pretty focused on what I’ve been doing.”
“But surely you’ve thought about getting married. Having a family.”
“Only in the vaguest terms.”
“What was your family like?”
“Nothing like yours, that’s for sure.”
“Tell me.”
She glanced at her watch. “I still have to shower and dress.”
“We won’t be late.”
She supposed she owed him this, although it wasn’t her idea of a good time. “My parents married young, after my mother got pregnant in high school. She ended up with her diploma, but only by the skin of her teeth. My
