hard-on that could pound nails into plywood. “Any preference?”
“It all depends on the circumstances. When I just want to get off and get to sleep, I use BOB.”
“Battery-Operated Boyfriend?”
She nodded.
“And when you want it to be more sensual? To last?”
“I pleasure by hand.”
“Those are the ones I want to talk about.”
“Of course.”
He leaned closer, resting his elbows on the table. “I want to hear about those fantasies. The ones that keep you up for hours.”
“I don’t know, Dan. Yes, I promised to be frank, but I’m not sure I can be this frank. This is private stuff.”
“That’s the point.”
“Still…”
Dinner salads and bread arrived, giving her a reprieve, but he wasn’t about to let her off the hook. He could tell she was feeling more than discomfort, that the conversation, if played well, could lead to much pleasurable mischief. He intended to play it for all it was worth.
They ate for a bit, and he didn’t push, but when she’d eaten her second piece of warm sourdough, and had just a few bits of arugula left in her bowl, he figured it was time. “You want another drink?”
“Yes,” she said too quickly.
He ordered them both a refill, waited for the plates to be cleared, then turned just enough in his seat that she had his whole attention. “Shoot,” he said.
“If only I could.”
He laughed, but he didn’t budge. “Tell me about the most frequent fantasy. The one you come back to the most often.”
“I’m afraid you’ll find it terribly pedestrian.”
“Don’t worry about it. Just tell me the truth.”
“Fine. But if I burst into flames, you’re explaining to the fire department.”
“Deal.”
He leaned back, making sure she couldn’t see his crotch from where she sat. She didn’t need to know what kind of reaction she was getting. At least not yet.
“I suppose the most frequent fantasy is the one where I’m alone in a cabin in the woods. It’s dark, and the winds are strong outside. I have a fire roaring in the fireplace.”
“What are you wearing?”
“A robe.”
“The kimono?”
She looked at him as if he was getting close to some imaginary line. He leaned back an inch, put his hands by his sides.
“Sometimes. Sometimes it’s another robe.”
“Okay. Sorry to interrupt.”
“It’s your nickel.”
“Right, but I’ll try to be quiet.”
“Okay, so where was I?”
“Alone. Cabin. Wind. Robe.”
She frowned at her drink. “I’m warm, and grateful to be out of the cold. I lie down on a big fur rug in front of the fire, and I’m kind of mesmerized by the flames. Before I know it, I’m touching myself.”
“How?”
She glared once, then went back to staring. “Slow, sensual. I’m in no rush. The crackling of the fire makes me drowsy, but not sleepy. My hand moves down until I find…”
He nodded.
“Then I close my eyes, and as it gets closer…”
He held his breath, praying she wouldn’t stop.
“…I hear something. I open my eyes, and there’s a man standing right next to me, watching me.”
“Who is he?”
“I don’t know. He’s just a man. Dark, big, well-muscled. I don’t know how long he’s been there, and I’m not at all embarrassed at what he’s seen. I just keep touching myself. He takes off his shirt, then his boots. And then he reaches for his belt.
Dan had to have a drink. He wanted to place the glass of ice on his erection, but he thought that might be a little blatant.
“He undoes his fly, and slowly takes off his pants. He’s, uh, hard.”
Dan coughed.
She glared again.
“Sorry.”
“This is hard enough.”
“I’ll say.”
That got him another glare. But it didn’t stop her. She just found that fascinating glass again, and went on. “Once he’s undressed, he lies down next to me. We kiss. For a long while. Then he starts touching me in the same places I touched myself. First, my breasts, but it’s different because his hands are so large and rough. It’s a totally different experience. He tells me to stop. To touch him instead, and I do. Then his hands move down my body until he, you know.”
“Yeah.”
“And he starts rubbing in small circles, the pressure is just right, not too hard or soft, and he keeps rubbing, and I let him go and I start getting closer and closer, and then I come like gangbusters, howling, and he climbs on top of me, spreads my thighs with his legs and he slams into me like he’s found the mother lode.”
Dan exhaled a breath he’d held forever. Jessica slugged back the rest of her drink. The waitress coughed, put their drinks down and backed away, her face as red as the cherry in her whiskey sour.
FIVE FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN
1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
3. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
4. All men hate to hear “We need to talk about our relationship.” These seven words strike fear in the heart of even the strongest male.
5. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, sleep next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Source: Hope, Paco “Facts About Men”
http://funnies.paco.to/factsOnMen.html
10
MARLA LOOKED in the bathroom mirror and held back a grin. About ten minutes ago, she’d covered her face with a bright green herbal mask, one she’d found in
