“See, this is where I envy you. You knew what your dream was all along. I know I want to finally have mine come true, and that I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make it happen…but I’m not sure what shape the dream is going to take.” He laughed again. “So, I guess you’re the psycho basket case with a jackass ex and I’m the aimless drifter with no idea who he wants to be when he grows up. Perfect match, right?”
“We’re all human,” she said, tossing his words back at him.
“So then,” he said, feeling rather ridiculously content, which didn’t bear examining given how newly acquainted they were…but rather than turn him off by her sudden revelation of a painful past, it had only served to further underscore his attraction. She was real. That was the bottom of it, he realized. She was honest, direct, and not particularly worried about his opinion. She told it like it was, even if that didn’t paint her in the best of lights. He doubted, given the look on her face immediately after the fact, that she shared that story often, if ever. He liked it-a lot-that she’d shared it with him. Made him feel like, perhaps, she’d take him for who he was, too… even when his less-than-normal background finally came out. Which, given the faxed license, he figured was more likely to happen now.
“So…?” she urged.
He snapped back to the moment and nestled her more fully in his arms. “So, I guess…we’ve established age isn’t an issue. And that I’m not a serial killer or a crude biker. You’re not dancing ballet at the Met or hosting snooty cocktail parties in the Hamptons. You don’t take shit from cheating jackasses. And neither of us should probably ever own a kitten. Any other obstacles?”
She laughed. “To?”
“Me finishing what I started before your neighbor interrupted?”
“Other than wondering why in the hell you’d still want to? No, absolutely not.”
“Human is good, Kirby. I’m not interested in plastic perfection, or any attempt at pretending to be it, much less achieving it.”
“Well, there’s a huge relief.” She grinned and he really did love what it did to her eyes. That was going to take a long time to get old.
“What else?” he asked when he sensed there was something she wasn’t saying. When she didn’t immediately respond, he knew he was right. “Come on, no point in holding back now.”
“Right,” she said dryly. “However good or bad that is.” She lifted her hand from his shoulder before he could say it. “Human is good, I know. But there are limits. I was just thinking that one of the deals I made with myself when I came here was that I was going to make it on my own first before contemplating whether or not I wanted to get into another long-term relationship. It seemed like the healthy thing to do. But in the meantime, I wasn’t planning on being a monk, either.”
“Okay.”
“So, I have been a monk, but only because time and opportunity for the no-strings, weekend flings I’d imagined myself having weren’t exactly presenting themselves.”
She truly had no idea just how charming and adorable her complete and utter candor really was to him. “And now?”
“Well, now it seems like, possibly, maybe, that little problem might resolve itself. For which I’m very happy, by the way. Because you…well, come on. I couldn’t have dreamed you. Only…you know, now I’m worrying that it might turn out to be a little harder for me to reconcile myself with that after-the-fling part than I thought it would.”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you about that part. I’m not sure what I’m going to do about it, either. You see, I didn’t even have a game plan in place to start with. Short-or long-term. So you’re one up on me once again. But I do see one potential problem with your plan.”
“Which is?”
He brushed her hair from her face and tipped her chin up. “Am I only allowed to stay for the weekend?”
Her pupils punched wide with desire, and her color rose again to those pretty porcelain features of hers. He wanted to see what other parts of her body he could make blush.
“I-I don’t know. I mean, no. You can stay as long as you want. I just meant, you’re…temporary. That’s all. This…whatever we do, can only be temporary.”
He crowded her back against the wall by the kitchen cupboards. “We have no idea what this is, or could be. We haven’t even started yet.”
If it was possible, her pupils expanded further, until they almost swallowed those soft gray irises whole. He felt her fingers flex on his shoulders and saw her throat work.
“Are you opposed to starting something that has no definite path?” he asked. “Or an end date already all planned out?”
“No.”
He cocked his head, surprised by the swift certainty of her response.
“Commitment issues?” he asked. “Understandable, after all, given everything.”
“No. Just the continued desire to be more self-aware, make better choices for myself. And I don’t know if I’m there yet.”
“Fair enough. But how will you know when you are, if you don’t try?”
“True, I suppose. You?” she countered.
“Commitment issues, no. I’m very loyal to those who matter to me.”
“And are there many? Who matter, I mean?”
“I don’t know that it’s a long list, but there are some very definite names on it. Yes. You?”
“No issues with loyalty. Although what and whom I choose to be loyal to…that has changed.”
That intrigued him, too. He wanted to know the rest of her story. He wanted to know what led a woman, he was guessing in her late thirties, to launch an enterprise in a small mountain town she had no prior connection to, far away from her original home, all by herself. One that would require a huge personal commitment, given she would literally live and breathe her work. And seemed content with that choice. And it wasn’t just about location, or wanting to run a place her way. Or even starting over after a devastating breakup. There was more to it; he felt it clear down to his bones. And he was suddenly dying to know the rest.
One thing he did know was that Kirby Farrell did not lack the commitment gene. Her inn was testament to that. He was more curious to know who would make the loyalty cut in her life these days. And what it would take to get that close to her.
“Understandable, also,” he said, “though I think we all make those adjustments as life progresses, for a variety of reasons.”
“Is that what happened with you? These choices you need to make, the things you need to ponder… commitments changing?”
“As it happens, yes.”
“And figuring it out meant a cross-country trek?”
“The journey was part of it. It wasn’t just a flight. Well, it might have started out as one, but it became part of the process.”
“So, is this just another layover, or a turnaround point?”
“I wanted it to be the latter. Felt it, when I stopped.”
“And now?”
“I don’t know. More to figure out, I guess. What about you? Is this a beginning point, or an end point?”
“This. You mean the inn? An end point. At least that was the plan. We’ll see how that pans out. It’s funny, I guess…I came across country, too. But I knew where I was heading. And why.”
“I thought I knew. Why I was leaving, anyway, if not exactly where I was heading,” he said. “Now I’m wondering if I’ve just been fleeing…or maybe hiding, the whole time.”
She looked curious, but, to her credit and his relief, she didn’t push. There was time, yet. Or would be, if it was still important to either of them. Later.
After.
The silence expanded, but it wasn’t an uneasy one.
“What are you thinking?” she asked.
“That this might have been easier without all the talking first.”
She smiled a little, but there was a hint of disappointment in it. “Men hate foreplay.”
