had done that. The Lord was being merciful. The Lord was giving him another chance. And the Lord did not want him stealing anymore, using drugs anymore, or terrorizing people anymore.
And perhaps it was true.
But he still did not listen.
IT IS 1974…
…and I am in my religious high school. The subject is the parting of the Red Sea. I yawn. What is left to learn about this? I’ve heard it a million times. I look across the room to a girl I like and contemplate how hard it would be to get her attention.
“There is a Talmudic commentary here,” the teacher says.
Oh, great, I figure. This means translation, which is slow and painful. But as the story unfolds, I begin to pay attention.
After the Israelites safely crossed the Red Sea, the Egyptians chased after them and were drowned. God’s angels wanted to celebrate the enemy’s demise.
According to the commentary, God saw this and grew angry. He said, in essence: “Stop celebrating. For those were my children, too.”
Those were my children, too.
“What do you think of that?” the teacher asks us.
Someone else answers. But I know what I think. I think it is the first time I’ve heard that God might love the “enemy” as well as us.
Years later, I will forget the class, forget the teacher’s name, forget the girl across the room. But I will remember that story.
JULY
The Greatest Question of All
In any conversation, I was taught, there are at least three parties: you, the other person, and the Lord.
I recalled that lesson on a summer day in the small office when both the Reb and I wore shorts. My bare leg stuck with perspiration to the green leather chair, and I raised it with a small thwock
The Reb was looking for a letter. He lifted a pad, then an envelope, then a newspaper. I knew he’d never find it. I think the mess in his office was almost a way of life now, a game that kept the world interesting. As I waited, I glanced at the file on the lower shelf, the one marked “God.” We still hadn’t opened it.
“Ach,” he said, giving up.
Can I ask you something?
“Ask away, young scholar,” he crowed.
How do you know God exists?
He stopped. A smile crept across his face.
“An excellent question.”
He pressed his fingers into his chin.
And the answer? I said.
“First, make the case against Him.”
Okay, I said, taking his challenge. How about this? We live in a world where your genes can be mapped, where your cells can be copied, where your face can be altered. Heck, with surgery, you can go from being a man to being a woman. We have science to tell us of the earth’s creation; rocket probes explore the universe. The sun is no longer a mystery. And the moon-which people used to worship? We brought some of it home in a pouch, right?
“Go on,” he said.
So why, in such a place, where the once-great mysteries have been solved, does anyone still believe in God or Jesus or Allah or a Supreme Being of any kind? Haven’t we outgrown it? Isn’t it like Pinocchio, the puppet? When he found he could move without his strings, did he still look the same way at Geppetto?
The Reb tapped his fingers together.
“That’s some speech.”
You said make a case.
“Ah.”
He leaned in. “Now. My turn. Look, if you say that science will eventually prove there is no God, on that I must differ. No matter how small they take it back, to a tadpole, to an atom, there is always something they can’t explain, something that created it all at the end of the search.
“And no matter how far they try to go the other way-to extend life, play around with the genes, clone this, clone that, live to one hundred and fifty-at some point, life is over. And then what happens? When life comes to an end?”
I shrugged.
“You see?”
He leaned back. He smiled.
“When you come to the end, that’s where God begins.”
Many great minds have set out to disprove God’s existence. Sometimes, they retreat to the opposite view. C. S. Lewis, who wrote so eloquently of faith, initially wrestled with the very concept of God and called himself “the most dejected and reluctant convert in all of England.” Louis Pasteur, the great scientist, tried to disprove a divine existence through facts and research; in the end, the grand design of man convinced him otherwise.
A spate of recent books had declared God a fool’s notion, hocus-pocus, a panacea for weak minds. I thought the Reb would find these offensive, but he never did. He understood that the journey to belief was not straight, easy, or even always logical. He respected an educated argument, even if he didn’t agree with it.
Personally, I always wondered about authors and celebrities who loudly declared there was no God. It was usually when they were healthy and popular and being listened to by crowds. What happens, I wondered, in the quiet moments before death? By then, they have lost the stage, the world has moved on. If suddenly, in their last gasping moments, through fear, a vision, a late enlightenment, they change their minds about God, who would know?
The Reb was a believer from the start, that was clear, but I also knew that he was not crazy about some things God allowed on this earth. He had lost a daughter, many years ago. That had shaken his world. And he regularly cried after visiting once-robust members of the congregation who now lay helpless in hospital beds.
“Why so much pain?” he would say, looking to the heavens. “Take them already. What is the point?”
I once asked the Reb that most common of faith questions: why do bad things happen to good people? It had been answered countless times in countless ways; in books, in sermons, on Web sites, in tear-filled hugs. The Lord wanted her with him…He died doing what he loved…She was a gift…This is a test…
I remember a family friend whose son was struck with a terrible medical affliction. After that, at any religious ceremony-even a wedding-I would see the man out in the hallway, refusing to enter the service. “I just can’t listen to it anymore,” he would say. His faith had been lost.
When I asked the Reb, Why do bad things happen to good people?, he gave none of the standard answers. He quietly said, “No one knows.” I admired that. But when I asked if that ever shook his belief in God, he was firm.
“I cannot waver,” he said.
Well, you could, if you didn’t believe in something all-powerful.
“An atheist,” he said.
