Roadkill

when he took on Suyolak wasn’t his fault. Only a healer could stop another healer as strong as Suyolak. Rafferty had to do it because that bastard had to die. I could live with that. Rafferty could too. I didn’t know if either of us could live with his doing it by draining Suyolak of a life force that was as tainted as a well poisoned with cyanide.

Whether or not using it could bring me back to what I once was wasn’t the issue. What was, was what would Rafferty be if he did. I’d give up my furry butt-no, I’d give up my life for my cousin, and I knew he’d do the same for me. While I didn’t want it to come to that, it was part and parcel of family, the right kind of family. What I couldn’t accept was his changing. Not the way I had changed, but like Cal had changed during the fight. I didn’t want to be whole and right again, only to look into my cousin’s eyes and see a shadow of Suyolak staring back at me. If he could pull it off and make me like I once was without darkening himself, that would be great. I’d pay for the party… buffet and pinatas. We’d hit Mexico and the beaches and not come back for a year. Nothing but fun, sun, and knock-you-flat tequila. We more than deserved it.

But if he couldn’t put me right and keep himself the same in the process, I’d rather live a clean if intellectually simplistic life. I’d rather be the Catcher who lived only in the moment, a Catcher without an identity beyond the most basic concept of “me.” A Suyolak-contaminated Rafferty was not a clean life, for either of us. It was wrong, a polluted existence. And I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t change his mind; I could only hope he was telling the truth: that he could handle it.

“Ah, but, dog, what if he cannot?”

I swiveled my head as I sat in the passenger seat of the moving car but saw nothing. It didn’t stop Suyolak’s oily voice from sniffing around the inside of my brain like a cat in heat, ravenous for any satisfaction he could get. I didn’t know if anyone else could hear him, although no one looked as if goosed with an icy finger, which was how I felt. All that was missing was a doctor telling me to cough.

I closed my eyes and I could see him as he was a long time ago: human with wavy black hair to his shoulders, mischievous black eyes, and a smile that outshone a thousand commission-hungry salesmen. I didn’t think they had such good teeth in those days, but he was a healer. Who needed fluoride if you could heal a dying person or turn him inside out, depending on your mental wiring? Suyolak had some very bad wiring. A conscience was only a word to him, without any real meaning. He had never healed a bird and let it fly away.

“You think that being born without a conscience is my fault, my friend?” The moon was orange as Cal had said it had been in his dream and Suyolak was sitting on a vine-covered log by a small fire with a pot of bubbling stew. In his lap he was casually bouncing a small boy. The child was three or four years old and dressed in an old- fashioned nightshirt with colorful embroidery around the neck. His head swung back and forth, lolling without any control. His legs and arms were limp and his eyes blank, but he breathed. He had dusky skin, a mop of black curls, and a face as flawless as Suyolak’s.

“You’re smart enough to follow the rules of society.” There were only words in my head, but I heard them as if I were still able to say them aloud. It’d been so long since I’d heard my voice, even in my dreams, that I’d almost forgotten what I sounded like. “Smart enough to know they’re there for a reason even if you can’t understand or feel the reason behind them.”

“You are the first sanctimonious Wolf I’ve crossed paths with. Curious. And, yes, I am smart, more than enough to know that rules don’t apply to one such as me.” Even as he said the words, the grin was as compelling and charismatic as before. The bait to pull in the unwary. Nature at its darkest and most chaotic. Biology. I was a biologist, but I didn’t have to be to see it. I didn’t have to be a psychiatrist either to know Suyolak was a creature beyond redemption. Nature was nature. The volcano didn’t cry for Pompeii -it didn’t care whom it killed and neither did Suyolak.

“I wanted a son,” he added, the fleeting concept of conscience of no further interest to him. A sociopath before humans had come up with the label. He bounced the boy one more time and then let him roll carelessly onto the ground where he landed face- first. He hadn’t cried or made an attempt to catch himself. “But that’s a lie.” The smile only became warmer. “I do like to lie. Do not hold it against me, brother.” Amiable; happy and amiable. Born in a human body, but one untouched by a soul.

“No, I did not want a son. I wanted another me, because, truly, what could be more entertaining than the Plague of the World? Would you guess? No? Two Plagues. We would devour the world and then one of us would devour the other. Now that would be a game genuinely worth playing; a challenge like no other. But instead, this is what I received.” He pushed the unmoving boy farther away with a disgusted nudge of his foot. “Even in the womb of his useless cow of a mother, whom I took great pleasure in drowning in her own amniotic fluid during childbirth, he was like this. When he was smaller than my fist, I felt it. No brain. Oh, a spoonful perhaps, but not enough to be anything but an empty, breathing sack of nothing. No potential for consciousness. No chance to be the challenge I craved. And I could do nothing. You can change a brain; you can easily tear it down if you wish, but you cannot make one. I tried again and again, but it was only more of the same.”

He followed my gaze still fixed on his son. I hadn’t given nature the credit it deserved. It had tried to make up for its mistake. This was its answer to no more Suyolaks. I wished nature had found that answer before Suyolak himself had been born. “Do not worry about that one. I let him live although he’s long dust now. I let them all live. Why kill what was never alive? Where is the pleasure in that?”

“But your cousin.” That smile, that endlessly magnetic and intimate smile. “A challenge finally arises and at the same time that I arise. It is fate. Destiny.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I demanded. “Because I do have better things to do than listen to the medieval version of Ted Bundy. Why are you yapping to me like a bored cub?”

“Because your cousin isn’t listening right now. He isn’t listening, and he is going the wrong way.”

This Suyolak, the one suddenly in my face, the moon gone and the fire smelling of burning human flesh, was the skin-wrapped bones of before. Blind eyes not an inch from mine, snapping stained teeth far from the brilliant white of before, his breath carrying the stench of the Black Death itself.

I yelped, eyes opening, and jerking back quickly enough to bang my head on the inside roof of the car. “What the hell?” Rafferty said. “Did you have a bad… shit, Suyolak.”

I’d had a bad Suyolak, no way around it. But he’d said we were going the wrong way and there was a way around that. I clamped my jaws around the steering wheel and jerked it to the right. I believed Suyolak wholeheartedly. He wanted to fight my cousin. He wanted us there when he got out of that coffin. He was getting out too. We wouldn’t be able to stop it. Destiny… fate. I hadn’t always believed in the theory, despite a different girlfriend than the Buddhist one. This one had played around with tarot cards. I’d thought she was a complete flake, although one with gorgeous legs and an amazing… All right, that was beside the point. But that’s what I’d believed in then, not fate. I believed now. This all felt designed: that I would be sick; that Rafferty would be this desperate; that Suyolak would choose this time to escape or that time had chosen it for him.

Whether you were a pawn or a king, everyone had a part to play in the world. It was time to play ours. I yanked at the wheel again, growling. “Will you quit it?” Rafferty said. “I’m pulling over already? See?” He pulled the car off the highway and slowed it to a crawl. “I smell Suyolak.” Not a genuine smell, but a healer sense, although Rafferty wouldn’t be caught dead saying the soppy, fake mystical “I sense…” about anything. “He couldn’t hurt you. I have us all shielded.”

“He could speak to him, though,” Niko said from behind me, “as he spoke to Cal.”

“Through what I’ve got up?” Rafferty said dismissively. “No.” My cousin had never lacked in self-confidence. Not being able to heal me was the sole exception to that. It made him a formidable fighter when he had to be, an incredibly talented healer, and sometimes a giant know-it-all ass.

I put my muzzle next to his ear and growled again, one very serious growl rarely heard from the nonoctopuseating, almost-vegetarian, save-the-planet, mellow Wolf I was. Rafferty grimaced. “Okay, Christ. I can’t believe I ever bought you pancakes and had the cojones to ask for whipped cream on them. Don’t you forget that, because I’ll never be able to live it down.” He put on the brakes and brought the car to a complete stop. “Get your computer and tell me what is so damn important that…” He shut his mouth over the rest of the sentence before changing it to a quiet, “He’s turned around. The son of a bitch has turned around.”

“I thought you had him,” Goodfellow accused. “No possible way you could lose him, I believe you said.”