Blood Beast

use it to haul myself out of whatever dark hole I’ve fallen into.”

She takes hold of both my hands and squeezes, stronger than I imagined. “When Dervish asked me to move in, I was delighted, not just because I love him, but because it meant I could become a mother to you.” She lets go of my left hand and strokes my cheek, smiling warmly. “I’ve always wanted another son to mother but it never quite worked out until now.”

The smile fades. She lets go of my other hand and stands. “I won’t abandon you,” she says, her voice throbbing with surprising menace. “I won’t give you over to the Lambs, not unless there’s no hope at all. I’ll stand by you until the very, very end. Even if Dervish doesn’t.”

Then she’s gone, leaving me to stare after her, jaw slack, senses whirring, not quite sure what to make of her fiercely supportive vow.

A day of rest. We all sleep until early afternoon and lounge around after that. Juni’s oddly distant, withdrawn and quiet. Doesn’t look at me straight. Or Dervish. Almost as if she’s ashamed of what she said. Or is planning something and doesn’t want us to know.

Evening. The shakes again. Throwing up everything I’ve eaten. I fight my vomitous body, sitting on the grass out back, taking the warm evening sun, determined to enjoy what might be my final sunset. Dervish and Juni are close by. Dervish asks if I want to go in. I shake my head. Don’t want to abandon the outside world. Afraid that once I do, that’s it, game on… game over… doomed.

Bill-E rang earlier. Wanted to come and hang out. Dervish made my excuses. Said I’d caught a nasty bug. Told Bill-E to stay away in case it was contagious. Bill-E wasn’t suspicious. Why should he be?

Thinking about my brother. Wishing I’d told him about us. Dervish was right—I waited too long. I wanted to spare him the emotional roller-coaster ride of the truth, but I was wrong to stall. If I change tonight and the Lambs exterminate me, he’ll only think he lost a friend. He’ll never know how close we really were.

I consider phoning him, telling him the truth while I’m still capable of speech. But that would be lunacy. If I survive, beat this thing or at least delay my transformation for a month, I can tell him then. Phoning now would be pointless. Worse—dangerous. He might come over. Get in the way. Fall victim to the blood-crazed beast I might by that stage have become.

“Do you still have the cage?” I ask suddenly. Dervish stops talking to Juni and stares at me. “The cage in the secret cellar. Is it still there?”

He nods slowly.

“Put me in it.” I thought my voice might quaver but it holds firm. I stare at him unflinchingly.

“If you start to change, we can—” he begins.

“No,” I interrupt. “Do it now. Before I turn. I made a mess of you last night. I hurt Juni too. She was able to fix us up, but I’ll be stronger tonight. Wilder. Maybe I’ll inflict damage she can’t cure.”

Dervish is silent. He exchanges a look with Juni.

“That could be detrimental,” Juni says softly. “You believed in yourself last night. That belief gave you the strength to fight. If you allow yourself to be caged like an animal, perhaps you’ll start thinking of yourself as one. You might stop believing… stop fighting.”

“I won’t.”

“It might be for the best,” Dervish mutters. “If he does turn, I’m not sure we can control him.”

“You have drugs,” Juni says. “You can subdue him if you have to.”

“Remember Meera?” I say before Dervish can answer. “When Bill-E changed, he got to her. Knocked her out before you could inject him. Almost killed her. If that happens to Juni…”

Dervish’s jaw stiffens. “You’re right. It has to be the cage.” He takes Juni’s hand. “It doesn’t mean we’re giving up. We’re just being safe.”

She nods reluctantly and looks at me. Her expression communicates the same thing that she promised earlier—“Trust me. I’ll stand by you. Even if Dervish doesn’t.”

I rise quickly. “Best do it now.” I take one last look at the sun. “The moon will be up soon.” I put my hands on my growling stomach. “I can feel it.”

The cage. Howling. Screaming. Battering the bars. Dervish and Juni on the other side, roaring encouragement, telling me I’m winning, calling to the human within, the one who’s rapidly disappearing, giving way to something new, deadly, beastly.

I fight but it’s much harder than last night. The beast is stronger. It assaults me without pause, snapping and growling, hurling itself against the ball of magic that is my only protection, ripping into it, howling bloody murder, hell-bent on breaking free to run wild and kill.

I grip my head between my hands and scream, veins in my neck stretched, fingers curling inward into claws. I keep shouting my name, trying to hold on to my voice, but all that comes out is a jumbled snarl. And the light around me is changing, becoming darker, the shades more limited, colours fading to grey.

“Not… going… to… turn!” I bellow, having to fight for each word. I let go of my head. Clutch the bars of the cage. Lock gazes with Dervish, then Juni. “Not… going… to…” The last word becomes an inhuman shriek.

“That’s right,” Dervish shouts desperately. “You won’t turn. You’re Grubbs Grady. You’ll win this fight. Gradys never lose.”

“Keep fighting,” Juni pleads. She puts her hands over mine. “You can do it. I know you can.”

I fall away from the bars, shaking my head, roaring with pain. The beast cackles. The battle continues. Torment claims me whole.

I’ve been fighting for hours. At least I think it’s hours. Maybe it’s just been minutes. Maybe I’m so far gone that I’ve lost track of time. Perhaps, for me, this night will last an age, never-ending, an eternal fight between humanity and a force of wolfen evil.

I slump on the floor, leaning against the bars of the cage, staring around with wide, wild eyes, seeing the main desk, the key to this cage, candles, books, a chess piece in one corner, left over from my last fight here. My skin feels like it’s rippling. I want to let it. I’m tired. I can’t go on.

You must.

A new voice. Not my own and not the imagined voice of the beast. The voice of magic. It speaks quickly, softly, telling me we can beat this thing if we work together. It starts to explain how I can use it, the spells I need to cast, the words I must chant—but the beast picks that moment to yowl violently, filling my head with white noise, causing me to jam my hands over my ears and scream.

When the noise passes and I lower my hands, the voice of the magic is gone, or is so quiet I can’t hear it. I’m not alone. I still sense it there. But I no longer feel like it can help me. I’m losing this battle. Maybe I’ve already lost and just don’t know it yet.

More fighting. Pain. Terror.

Another rare moment of rest and understanding. On the opposite side of the cage this time, but in the same slumped position as before. Dervish and Juni are crouched close by, telling me how well I’m doing, how proud they are, I’m going to win, I just have to ride it out.

I turn my head a fraction and smile sadly at Dervish. “Sorry,” I croak.

“No,” he snaps. “You can’t give up. You have to beat this thing.”

“Sorry,” I mutter again, head dropping, panting hard, crying, tears hot on my cheeks, not feeling like they’re mine.

“He’s slipping from us,” Juni says. She sounds much calmer than my uncle.

“No!” Dervish barks. “I won’t let him. We have to—”

“Quiet,” Juni commands.

“But we can’t—”

“We won’t.” She reaches in and tilts my head back. It takes a few seconds but my eyes finally focus. She’s studying me coolly. “He’s losing concentration. We have to help him regain it. Jolt him back into action and spur him on to fight.”

“How?” Dervish asks tightly.

“A spell. One to act on the magic within him. It will be like injecting him with adrenaline—only it’s magic we’ll inject into, not flesh.”

“What spell?” Dervish growls. “I don’t know any—”

“I’ve been preparing one,” Juni cuts in. “Just in case.” She looks away from me and trades gazes with Dervish. “It’s dangerous. If it doesn’t cure him, it will kill him. I didn’t want to use it unless absolutely necessary. I