“No; only your arse.”
“What the devil would you be at with that?”
“Oh, that's my business.”
I was so eager to kiss Marianne that I made no objections to the terms proposed. I immediately set about mounting my filly, and the old goat was on my back in a moment. Although Casimir seemed to be splitting me up behind, the pleasure I tasted with his niece diverted my attention from the pain. We were soon swimming in pleasure; and if the excess of voluptuous sensations made me desist a moment from my labor of love, the good Father stirred me up, and incited me to follow his example. Thus pushed and pushing, the strokes of the uncle re-echoed in the bower of the niece, whose vigor amazed the whole company. Father Casimir was very soon left behind in the race, and he, like the rest, surprised at the obstinacy of the combat, stood with them awaiting its issue. I wondered that Marianne was able to compete with me, for I thought I had collected all the strength that I had acquired during so long a period. She was enraged at meeting with an antagonist who was capable of vanquishing her, after all her victories over the bravest youths of the convent. We had already spent four times, when Marianne, shutting her eyes, inclining her head, awaited my fifth discharge as a finishing stroke; she received it, and when she had meditated thereon for a few moments, she quitted my embrace and candidly confessed herself beaten. I was proud enough of my victory, and immediately presented her with a bumper, and took another myself, and thus sealed our reconciliation in the generous produce of the vine.
When the diversion produced by this incident was past, every one resumed his place at the table, and Casimir began a panegyric of his favorite recreation. Being fundamentally acquainted with the subject, he acquitted himself very well. He gave a lengthy enumeration of all its most noted admirers; among whom he cited many philosophers, popes, emperors, and cardinals. He even went as far back as the adventure of Sodom, and contended that the opinion generally received respecting that event was a gross and willful perversion of the case.
The reverend Father's discourse was followed by the applause that it merited, and which it was certain of receiving from an audience so much enamored with the subject of it. Rogering backway and frontway was again begun; and after some further time spent in drinking and laughing, we parted, with a mutual promise to renew the feast that day week: these banquets were too expensive to take place every day, as the income of Father Casimir was insufficient for holding them more frequently, and none of the rest had wherewithal to help him. Marianne and I parted the best friends in the world; but the poor child soon found that it was dangerous to play with me, as in a very short time her apron-strings proved too short. Father Casimir took care to manage things secretly; it was but fair for him to take on himself to provide against the risks to which he exposed his niece. She got out of the dilemma without much difficulty, and the only inconvenience attending it was that her unexpected pregnancy interfered with the regularity of our nocturnal meetings. I took to Casimir's remedy for the evil, and soon became redoutable to the arses of all our novices; but it was not long before I fell back upon my former taste, and preferred the pleasures of the front entrance to the much boasted charms of the back door.
One day, just after the first mass, the Prior sent me an invitation to dine with him in his private apartment; accordingly I went, and found there several of the elders, who, as well as the Prior, gave me a most frank and hearty reception. We took our places at table, and partook of a truly prelatical repast. When the wine, which his Reverence had taken care to procure of the best growth, had somewhat enlivened our conversation, I was surprised to hear my superiors give full liberty to their organs of speech, and plump out b- and f- with an ease that I could not have supposed possible if I had never seen them otherwise than under the sanctified mask that always distinguished their external conduct. The Prior saw my surprise, and said to me:
“Father Silas, we shall henceforth dispense with ceremony before you, as you must also on your part; yes, my son, the time is come, you have received the holy order of priesthood, and this quality makes you now our equal, and imposes on me the obligation of disclosing to you some important secrets until this day kept from you, and which it would be dangerous to entrust to young persons who might leave us and divulge mysteries that ought to be buried in eternal silence: it is to discharge this duty that I have sent for you here.”
This pompous exordium made me listen attentively as he proceeded:
“You are not one of those weak persons whom sex frightens; the act is natural to man. We are monks, it is true; but when we made our vows, we counted neither the king member nor his appendages. Why are we to forego so natural a function? Must we, to excite the compassion of the faithful, go and frig ourselves in the streets? No; but we must find a medium between austerity and nature. This medium consists in giving ourselves up to the latter in our cloisters, and as much as possible to the former in public. To effect this, some have women in their retreats to heighten their pleasures, and to forget in their arms the disagreeable things attending their lot.”
“You astonish me, reverend Father,” said I; “but why not extend the provisions of this wise policy to us also?”
The company laughed at my question, and the Prior replied:
“We are not behind our neighbors; we have a place here that is by no means destitute of women.”
“Here!” I replied; “And do you not fear a discovery?”
“No,” said he; “that is next to impossible; the extent of our house is so great that the place cannot easily be found.”
“Ah! when will it be my happy lot to offer consolation to these amiable recluses!”
“They are not without consolations,” answered he, laughing; “and your quality of priest gives you the right to go whenever you please.”
“When I please! O Father, I call on you to prove your words this moment.”
“It is not time yet; it is only at night that we go into our fish-house (for that is where the ladies are). There are only two keys that will admit you; one of them is in my possession and the purveyor has the other. But this is not all, Father Silas,” continued the Prior; “and when I tell you that Ambrose is not your father you will be still more amazed.”
And indeed I was amazed, so much so that I could scarcely open my mouth.
“You are not the son of Ambrose, nor yet of Annette; your birth is more exalted. One of our sisters gave birth to you.”
“Then, if it is so,” I cried, when recovered from my surprise; “why have you so long withheld the satisfaction of letting me embrace my mother, if still living?”
“Father Silas,” said the Prior somewhat affected, “your reproaches are just; but believe me that it is from not want of affection for you that you have not yet been introduced to the society of our fish-house. The love that we cherish for you has long been struggling against a strict adherence to our regulations; but order is absolutely necessary; and the period is now come to silence your complaints. In a short time you will have the pleasure that you covet; you will embrace your mother.”
“I am all impatience to throw myself in her arms!”
“Be calm; your suspense will not be long. Night is fast approaching, and the hour will come before you are aware. We shall sup in the fish-house, and you are expected there. You will go to the refectory for form's sake only, and will then come to rejoin us here.”
The expectation of seeing my mother was something to move me; but the hope of being able to abandon myself to love offered my heart such an immensity of desires, that my imagination could scarcely grasp them.
At the appointed time, I returned to the prior's apartment, and found there five or six monks.
We started in silence, and went to the antique chapels which joined the fish-house on one side: when there, we went down into a cavern that appeared to have been made as horrible as possible by way of making a stronger contrast with the pleasure that was to follow. We guided ourselves along the dismal place by means of a rope fastened to the wall, and soon reached a little staircase lighted by a lamp. The Prior opened the door at the top of the stairs; and after making a few turns in a narrow crooked passage, we came into a large room, handsomely furnished, and surrounded by beds apparently well adapted to the purpose for which they were intended. In the middle stood a table laid with every requisite for a splendid supper. There was no one in the room when we entered; but when the Prior applied his hand to the bellpull, an old cook made her appearance followed by our sisters, who were six in number and seemed quite charming in my eyes. Each of them chose one of my companions, and I stood by looking on, somewhat piqued at being thus neglected; but my turn soon came, and ample amends were made for this momentary slight.
Our supper was prepared without any more regard being paid to the fasts of the church than was observed by Father Casimir in his chamber. The most exquisite viands were set before us, and each with his lady by his side,
