the deck of their room, looking out over the Napa Valley, their conversation drifted slowly toward the future.
He was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans, and she was wearing a cozy wool bathrobe in the cool November morning. The day was warm, and it was pleasant just sitting there, basking in the sun, as they shared the paper. And when Liz glanced up at him and handed him the sports section, he was smiling at her.
“What are you looking so happy about, Dr. Webster?” She smiled at him as he took the paper from her.
“You. This.” He gestured toward the valley. The whole weekend had had the feeling of a honeymoon to both of them, and in some of the more important ways, she was his now. Jack was drifting slowly into the mists behind her. And although part of her still wanted to hold on to him, and always would, she knew she had to move on. And Bill was a wonderful companion to her. “What are we going to do about us?” he asked her gently.
“What does that mean?” She looked suddenly worried as he said it. They were words she was not yet ready to hear, and he knew that, but he couldn’t help it. It had been on his mind since they started dating. “We don’t have to do anything,” she said, sounding nervous.
“It might be nice though. Is it too soon to talk about that, Liz?” They had made love again the day before, and at night in front of the fire, and again that morning. They were amazingly compatible, and it was hard to believe they had never made love before that weekend. Everything about them seemed to mesh and blend, and be just what they both needed and wanted. It was hard to ignore that. “I never thought I’d be saying this to you,” he went on, suddenly feeling young and awkward, but he was so in love with her he didn’t want to lose her. “But I think eventually we ought to get married.” She was shocked when he actually said it. She had never expected him to say that, it was completely out of character for him.
“I thought you didn’t believe in marriage.” She looked as though she wanted a recount, and he could see that she was frightened by what he had said.
“I didn’t, until I met you. I guess this is why, because somewhere in my heart, I hoped it could be like this one day, and I didn’t want to waste my tickets with someone it wouldn’t work with, like my first wife. We damn near annihilated each other.” But in his eyes at least, this was perfect. And she could see being with him for a long time, maybe forever, but she was not yet ready to say it. It was too soon for her, and the memories of Jack were still too fresh. It hadn’t been a year yet, although it was close to it. “I don’t want to blow anything by talking about this too soon, Liz, but I wanted you to know that this is the direction I’m headed.” She wasn’t a woman one took lightly, and there were her kids to think of. He had thought about them a lot, and knew he could come to love them. He already did love Jamie, and had a strong bond with Peter. And he figured the girls would come around eventually. He had never had a problem winning over women and children, when he cared to, and in this case he did.
“I don’t know what to say.” She had friends who went out with men for years who never took them seriously, never proposed, and had no desire to, and she had just spent her first weekend with him, and he was talking about the future. “It’s only been eleven months since Jack died. That’s not very long. I need time to readjust and get back on my feet again, and so do the kids.”
“I know. I’m not in a hurry. And I know how important the year is to you.” She talked about it a lot, and it was a milestone she obviously respected, as did her children. And he had to respect it with her. “I was hoping we could talk about it again in January, after the holidays, and see how you were feeling. I was kind of hoping that Valentine’s Day …” Her heart give a little tug as his voice drifted off. Valentine’s Day had meant a great deal to her and Jack. But so many things had, and they were gone now, except for the children.
“That’s just three months away,” she said with a look of panic. But it meant a lot to her too that he was asking.
“We’ll have known each other for six months by then. It’s fast, but respectable. A lot of people know each other for less, and have very happy marriages.” She knew that was true, but she and Jack had known each other for a long time. And she had been unprepared for what Bill was saying to her. She wasn’t averse to it, but she needed time to think it over. He looked at her then, with everything he felt for her in his eyes. “I’ll do whatever you want, Liz. I just want you to know how much I love you.”
“I love you too, and I feel very lucky. Some people aren’t that lucky once, I’ve been blessed twice, but I still need some time to get over what happened.”
“I know that. I’m not rushing you. But I guess what I want to know is if, in time, you might want the same future I do.”
“I think so,” she smiled shyly, and then took a breath and let her emotions rule her for a moment. “I just need time to get there. Let’s talk about it again after Christmas.” She wanted to honor the year, for Jack’s sake, and her own, and the children’s.
“That’s all I wanted to know,” he said gently, and took her hand from across the table. “I love you. I’m not going anywhere. We’ve got all the time in the world to put this together. As long as it’s what we both want, there’s no hurry.” He was reasonable and kind and compassionate, she couldn’t have wanted more from any man, and she wasn’t even sure Jack would have been as understanding. He was far more impatient and stubborn, and less willing to follow her lead. More often than not, it was Jack who determined both their pace and their direction. In some ways, it was more of a partnership with Bill, and she liked that.
They drove slowly back to Tiburon that afternoon, and the children were all home when they arrived. She could see Megan raise an eyebrow when she got out of Bill’s car, but nothing was said until later that evening, when the younger children were in bed and Peter was busy doing his homework in his room.
“Why were you in Bill’s car?” Megan finally confronted her in her bedroom that night. “Did you spend the weekend with him?” Liz hesitated for a moment, and then nodded. If she was going to marry him eventually, which was the direction they seemed to be heading in, from everything they’d said over the weekend, she wanted to be honest with her daughter.
“Yes, I did. We went to the Napa Valley.”
“Mom!” Megan shouted at her. “That’s disgusting!”
“Why? He cares about me a great deal, and I care about him, there’s nothing wrong with that, Meg. We’re not hurting anyone. I think we love each other.” But it was a heavy dose for her daughter to swallow.
“What about Daddy?” There were tears in her eyes when she said it.
“Daddy’s gone, Meg. I loved him with all my heart and always will. This isn’t the same, it’s different, for me, and for all of us. But I’m not going to be alone for the rest of my life. I have a right to someone in my life.” She spoke to her daughter as gently as she could, but it needed to be said.
“That’s sick!” Megan chastised her, furious with her mother. “It hasn’t even been a year since Daddy died. I never knew you were a slut before, Mom.” Her eyes were blazing and Liz stood up in anger as she said it. She had
