“Go!” my dad said, finding his own Bic pen in a pocket and topping my mother’s offer on my lackluster photograph. My mother huffed as I was turning away. I couldn’t help my smile. I knew that there wasn’t a chance that they would ever get back together again, but there was a peace that hadn’t been there before, and it was nice to have them both around me. Centered, as my dad would say.
Head down as I lived for a moment in my tiny daydream, I tossed my empty shake cup away, feeling good as I joined Barnabas and Josh. Running a fry through his ketchup, Josh gave me an understanding grin as he took in my folks, one comfortable and almost sloppy, the other uptight and proper.
“Madison, your mom looks . . . nice?” he offered, and I snorted.
“I can’t imagine why you and your mother didn’t get along,” Josh added, and I slumped into my chair.
“She’s okay,” I said, pulling myself upright so my mom wouldn’t frown. “She just wants to be sure I’m safe.”
I reached for one of Josh’s fries, and he pushed the plate to me. A warm spot grew in my middle, and I smiled. Yeah, he liked me. A guy wouldn’t just give up his fries like that if he didn’t.
Barnabas brought his gaze back from the shop that Nakita had gone into, his expression cross. “I can’t go for lunch,” he said irately.
My eyebrows went up. “You heard that?”
Josh squirted more ketchup out. “He heard your entire conversation. Sitting with him is like sitting with an FBI agent.
I followed Barnabas’s dark gaze down the hall. He was brooding about Nakita. “I, ah, talked to Paul this morning,” I said, and Barnabas jerked his attention back to me. A trace of what might be alarm drifted through him, and I put up a hand.
“We’re good,” I said. “Ron pulled his sword out of his patio and he doesn’t remember anything about Paul helping us last night.”
“Good, good.” Barnabas’s words weren’t quite jiving with his body language. “I heard from Paul, too,” he added, eyes on the table.
“Really?” I hoped Nakita was okay. It wasn’t like her to just . . . leave like that. She’d been on cloud nine, maybe literally, since finding out that I’d retained my timekeeper position and that things had the potential to change.
The silence brought my attention back to the table. Josh was giving Barnabas a look, and the reaper was studiously ignoring him, gazing at his amulet. The usually flat stone was glowing, and I saw the hint of yellow in it. As in shifting to red, yellow.
“What’s going on?” I asked, remembering Nakita’s angry, then sad mood.
“Just tell her, Barney,” Josh prompted him, earning a glare from the reaper.
“Tell me what?” I demanded.
Still, Barnabas sat there with his lips pressed tight, hands clasped tightly on the table. I could see my mother beyond him, watching us.
Josh slurped some of his drink. “Barnabas wants to go back to Ron,” he said flatly.
My lips parted, and I sat up straight. “Excuse me?”
My loud exclamation had caught my mom’s attention, but my dad caught her elbow and tugged her away, giving us the privacy that I deserved but she didn’t understand.
“Ron?” I said softer, but no less vehemently.
Barnabas’s expression had gone from defiant to miserable. Dark eyes pleading, he reached for my hands, and I pulled them away. No wonder Nakita was pissed.
“It’s not like that,” he said, “and I don’t want to go back
Seeing my anger hesitate, Barnabas leaned in. “Madison, I talked to Paul this morning after the seraph tuned your amulet. He says that not only does Ron not remember him helping us but that Ron doesn’t remember me leaving him, either. Ron thinks I’m still a light reaper in good standing. Why do you think the seraph did that?”
“You want to go back?” I said, hating that my voice was so high. “You don’t think we can do this? After I convinced the seraphs to let us try?”
“No!” He shook his head, glancing at Josh, who was getting a chuckle at his expense. “I do believe. But so does Paul. He wants to help, and he can’t do it on his own. He needs someone to run interference for him, like Josh does with you.”
Josh grinned, shoving a fry into his mouth. “I’m your secret agent backup,” he said, clearly enjoying himself.
I slumped, elbows on the table.
“You’ve got Nakita to help you, too,” Barnabas said softly, his head almost touching mine. “Paul doesn’t have anyone. I’ve known Ron his entire life, and it’s going to take that kind of knowledge to work around him. Paul is going to be sending you light reapers, and someone is going to have to lie to Ron about it.” He grinned softly, leaning back with a sly look. “If there’s one thing I can do, it’s lie. I’ve been lying to myself for eons. I’ll be there if you need me, but meantime, I’ll stay with Paul and watch for the light reapers who might be looking for new answers to old questions, and then cover for those who do.”
My heart was aching. “Okay,” I said, feeling the lump in my throat start to grow. He was still leaving, but he was leaving with purpose. Barnabas was going to be light and dark both. He could do it. To ask him to stay would be selfish. “I’m going to miss you,” I said, refusing to even let my eyes tear up, much less cry.
“Hey!” he said, his light touch on my hand seeming to warm me. “We can still talk, right?”
I nodded, miserable, though I had everything I wanted. Barnabas had been with me from the moment I had woken up dead in the morgue, and saying good-bye was like . . . breaking up, sort of.
Barnabas stood, and I blinked up at him. “It’s not like I’m dying,” he said as he leaned down to give me a hug. “But I’m going to miss the way you used to scramble to look like you just got out of bed in the morning.”
My eyes closed, and I could feel the divine in him, smelling like feathers and sunflowers. My thoughts went to Sarah, living her life with him. What would it be like, I wondered, to have the divine with you all the time? It would be too much for me, and I let him go.
He pulled himself to his full height, and I smiled up at him. “She loved you to her last breath, didn’t she?” I said suddenly.
Barnabas hesitated, scrambling until he figured out I was talking about Sarah. “And beyond,” he said seriously. “Sometimes . . . I envy you with your endings. Endings are not always bad. Most times, they’re just beginnings in disguise.” He inclined his head, gaze going past me. “I should go.”
Josh wiped his hand and extended his fist. “Catch you on the flip side, birdman,” he said, and the two banged knuckles.
The lump in my throat seemed to settle in for good, and I took a deep breath. If my mother saw me like this, she’d think that I was crushing on Barnabas.
“And anyway,” Barnabas said as he turned to leave, “I think you’re going to be too busy to miss me.”
I followed his gaze down the hallway to where Nakita stood, confident and sassy again with Demus beside her. The dark reaper seemed embarrassed, but the light in his eyes demanded answers that he could find only with me.
My lips parted, and I looked at Barnabas, grinning as he spun in a slow half circle, the hem of his duster furling.
Josh grunted as he crushed his plate and napkin into a ball. “I think Nakita has brought you your first turncoat,” he said, and I just shook my head, seeing the belligerent confusion in the redheaded angel standing beside Nakita.
I stood, thinking this afternoon with my parents was going to be memorable if nothing else. Good thing Nakita could change memories. “Do you think he eats seafood?” I asked Josh.
“Beats me.”
Barnabas was leaving, but Demus seemed to be taking his place. Bringing another reaper around to a colorful frame of mind might be fun, seeing as he was looking for answers. I had my body, and my amulet, and a future that was going to be both challenging and rewarding as I worked one-on-one with heaven’s own, showing them what
