Dairine as the creature passed. She gulped. The creature paid her no mind, simply walked through the bit of air that had been resisting Dairine, and vanished as the thing with the tentacles had earlier. Just as it blinked out of existence, air whiffing past Dairine into the place where it had been, she thought she caught sight of what looked like a little triangular piece of shiny plastic or metal held in one of the thing's leaves.
A ticket, Dairine thought; and a little more wandering and watching showed her that this was the case.
Wherever these little gates might lead, none of them would let you step on it unless you had the right ticket for it: probably the bit of plastic was a computer chip, programmed with the fact that you had paid your fare. So there was no need to fear that she might suddenly fall unshielded into some environment where they were breathing methane or swimming around in lava.
Dairine began to wander again, feeling somewhat better. I can always sit down in a corner somewhere and program another jump, she thought. Be smart to do that now, though. In case something starts to happen and I want to get out quick. .
She looked for a place to sit. Off to one side was a big collection of racks and benches, where various creatures were hung up or lying on the floor. On a hunch she said to the computer, 'Is it safe to sit over there?'
'Affirmative,' said the computer.
Dairine ambled over in the direction of the racks and started searching for something decent to sit in.
The creatures she passed ignored her. Dairine found it difficult to return the compliment. One of the racks had what looked like a giant blue vampire bat hanging in it. Or no, it had no fur: the thing was actually more like a pterodactyl, and astonishingly pretty-the blue was iridescent, like a hummingbird's feathers. Dairine walked around it, fascinated, for quite a long time, pretending to look for a chair.
But there seemed to be no chairs in this particular area. The closest to a chairlike thing was a large low bowl that was full of what seemed to be purple Jell-O. . except that the Jell-O put up a long blunt limb of itself, the end of which swiveled to follow as Dairine passed. She hurried by; the effect was rather like being looked at by a submarine periscope, and the Jell-O thing had about as much expression. Probably wonders what the heck / am, she thought. Boy, is it mutual. .
Finally she settled for the floor. She brought up the utilities menu and started running down the list of planets again. . then stopped and asked for the 'Help' utility.
'Nature of query,' said the computer.
'Uh. .' Dairine paused. Certainly this place was what she had thought she wanted-a big cosmopolitan area full of intelligent alien creatures. But at the same time there were hardly any hominids, and she felt bizarrely out of place. Which was all wrong. She wanted someplace where she would be able to make sense of things. But how to get that across to the computer? It seemed as though, even though it was magical, it still used and obeyed the laws of science, and was as literal and unhelpful as a regular computer could be if you weren't sufficiently familiar with it to know how to tell it what you wanted.
'I want to go somewhere else,' she said to the machine.
'Define parameters,' said the computer.
'Define syntax.'
'Command syntax. Normal syntactical restrictions do not apply in the Help facility. Commands and appended arguments may be stated in colloquial-vernacular form. Parameters may be subjected to
Manual analysis and discussion if desired.'
'Does that mean I can just talk to you?' Dairine said.
'Affirmative.'
'And you'll give me advice?'
'Affirmative.'
She let out a breath. 'Okay,' she said. 'I want to go somewhere else.'
'Acknowledged. Executing.'
'Wo don't!' Dairine said, and several of the aliens around her reacted to the shriek. One of the holly tree people, standing nearby in something like a flowerpot, had several eyes fall off on the floor.
'Overridden,' said the computer.
' 'Help' facility!' Dairine said, breathing hard. Her heart was pounding.
'Online.'
'Why did you start doing that?!'
' 'OK' is a system command causing an exit from the 'Help' facility and a return to command level,' said the computer.
'Do not run any program until I state the full command with arguments and end the sequence with 'Run'!'
'Affirmative,' said the computer. 'Syntax change confirmed.'
Oh, Lord, Dairine thought, I've started messing with the syntax and I don't even understand it. I will never never use a program again till I've read the docs. . 'Good,' she said. 'The following is a string of parameters for a world I want to transit to. I will state 'end of list' when finished.'
'Affirmative. Awaiting listing.'
'Right. I want to go somewhere else.'
'Transit agenda, confirmed. Specific arguments, please.'
'Uhh. .' She thought. 'I want to go somewhere where there are going to be people like me.'
'Noted. Next argument.'
What exactly was I looking for? Darth Vader. . She opened her mouth, then closed it again. I think I'll wait a bit on that one. 'I want to go somewhere where I'm expected,' she said.
'Noted. Next argument.'
'Somewhere where I can use some of this magic.'
'Argument already applies,' said the computer. 'You are using wizardry at this time.'
Dairine made a face. 'Somewhere where I can sit down and figure out what it means.'
'Argument already applies. Documentation is available at this time.'
Dairine sighed. 'Somewhere where I will have time to sit down and figure out what it means.'
'Incomplete argument. State time parameter.'
'A couple of days. Forty-eight hours,' she said then, before it could correct her syntax.
'Noted. Next argument.'
'Somewhere-' One more time she stopped, considering the wild number of variables she was going to have to specify. And the truth was, she didn't know what she was after. Except. . She looked around her conspiratori- ally, as if someone might overhear her. Indeed, she would have died if, say, Nita, should ever hear this. 'Somewhere I can do something,' she whispered. 'Something big. Something that matters.'
'Noted,' said the computer. 'Next argument.'
'Uh. .' The embarrassment of the admission out loud had driven everything out of her head. 'End arguments,' she said.
'Advisory,' said the computer.
'So advise me.'
'Stated number of arguments defines a very large sample of destinations. Stated number of arguments allows for interference in transit by other instrumentalities. Odds of interference approximately ninety-six percent.'
That brought Dairine's chin up. 'Let 'em try,' she said. 'The arguments stand.'
'Instruction accepted. End advisory.'
'Fine. List program.'
'Transit program. Sort for Terran-type hominids along maximal space-time curvature. Sort for anticipated arrival, time continuum maximal but skewed to eliminate paradox. Sort for opportunity for intervention. Sort for data analysis period on close order, forty-eight hours. Sort for intervention curve skewed to maximal intervention and effect. End list.'
'You got it,' Dairine said. 'Name listed program 'TRIP!.' '
'Named.'
'Save it. Exit 'Help' facility.'
