Nevertheless, Nol extended a hospitable mercy to a couple of poor fellows who were dying of tuberculosis, and to a witless fool who had broken his leg in five different places by attempting that suicidal activity known as mountain climbing. But the rest of the army marched.
Thus it came to pass that Eljuk Zala Gulkan, eldest son of the Witchlord Onosh Gulkan, stayed behind in the monastery of Qonsajara. And the bold Guest Gulkan said farewell to the wizard Ontario Nol and began his return journey to the Collosnon Empire, taking his father with him as a prisoner. Guest marched his men down the valley in force, hoping to provoke a minor war with King Igpatan. But that minor village lord wisely kept his fighting men away from Guest Gulkan's line of march, and let Guest loot as many chickens as he chose as he marched down to the shores of the Swelaway Sea. Guest then marched along those shores to the village of Ink, where he began to bethink himself of the boat-salesman Umbilskimp, who had once sold him a rotten boat. Guest had sworn to hang the fellow, and remained true to the resolution of his oath.
'But,' said Guest to Sken-Pitilkin, 'I do not want to give my biographer excuse to slander me. I wish to rule in justice, and to be seen to do as much.'
'Then perhaps,' said Sken-Pitilkin, 'you may have to forego the pleasures of a hanging.'
This was not the advice which Guest had expected to receive.
He had expected Sken-Pitilkin to show him some means whereby he could hang the unfortunate Umbilskimp out of hand while still maintaining his good standing in the eyes of his biographer.
Thrown back on his own resources of cunning, the Weaponmaster Guest soon schemed up a plot which was adequate to his purpose. He called for his slow-witted brother, Morsh Bataar.
'Morsh,' said Guest. 'I want you to ride ahead to the village of Ink. Say nothing of my army. Say that you speak for a party of merchants from the Ibsen-Iktus mountains. Say that you wish to buy boats, boats for a trip to Alozay. Three boats, four, whatever the money will stretch to.'
Then Guest gave his brother gold, and sent him ahead with three stout fellows who would act as both bodyguards and witnesses.
By the time Guest Gulkan marched his army into Ink, his brother Morsh had successfully purchased five boats with the money which Guest had given him.
'Who sold you these boats?' said Guest.
'I bought them from Umbilskimp, Pedrick and Mung,' said Morsh. 'The three are confederated in a boat-selling partnership.'
'Very well,' said Guest. 'Identify them! Then have them arrested!'
'Arrested?' said Morsh in astonishment. 'But they sold me the boats, just as you wanted. I though you wanted to go to Alozay.'
'No!' said Guest. 'Alozay is the least and last of the places I want to go to!'
That was not entirely the truth, for Guest still thought often of Icaria Scaria Iva-Italis, the demon who guarded the stairway at the eastern end of Alozay's Hall of Time. Guest was still minded to go to Alozay. To pact with the demon Iva-Italis.
To rescue the Great God Jocasta from imprisonment in Obooloo's Temple of Blood. And to have himself made a wizard as a reward for the rescue. All this he would do – one day. But clearly he should first look to the security of the Collosnon Empire, for then the rest could be easily accomplished.
'So,' said Morsh, soberly. 'You lied to me. You didn't need boats at all.'
'Lied to you!' said Guest, in outrage. 'I made you an instrument of justice, that's what I did! Arrest those men, and I'll prove it to you!'
So Umbilskimp, Pedrick and Mung were arrested, and Guest set himself about organizing a proper trial which would prove his merits to his biographer.
The captive Lord Onosh was made judge of the case, which was prosecuted by the slug-chef Pelagius Zozimus, who went about his business with an uncommonly gleeful display of zeal. The text- master Eldegen Terzanagel was made defense counsel. Guest Gulkan,
Rolf Thelemite, Thodric Jarl and Hostaja Torsen Sken-Pitilkin testified for the prosecution. Morsh Bataar also gave evidence, and the boats he had so recently bought were hauled from the water to be examined by the court.
In this manner, Umbilskimp, Pedrick and Mung were given a proper trial before an independent judge. It was quick – it was all over in a single morning – but it was fair. It was proved that Umbilskimp had once sold a murderously rotten boat to Guest Gulkan and his comrades; that Mung had likewise deceitfully sold a hulk to Thodric Jarl.
As for the boats so recently sold to Morsh Bataar by the tripartite partnership, why, the belly of each proved as soft as a slug.
'So,' said the slug-chef Zozimus, prosecuting his case to the hilt, 'here we see nothing more nor less than organized murder undertaken for commercial gain. These men have years of boat- selling expertise behind them, therefore cannot plead ignorance.
They have made a career out of selling rotten hulks fit for nothing more than sinking. I demand the death penalty!'
In response, the text-master Eldegen Terzanagel tried the usual tricks. He called attention to the impoverished environment in which his clients lived; mentioned the sundry derelictions of their upbringing; and finally drew attention to the matter of local mores.
'The selling of rotten boats to unsuspecting strangers is a part and parcel of traditional local culture,' said Terzanagel.
'An ethnologist would say that we cannot judge the backward savages of a place like Ink by the standards of a highly-evolved civilization like our own. An ethnologist would say that Umbilskimp, Pedrick and Mung acted rightly in terms of their own cultural traditions, and we do them a great wrong if we condemn them in accordance with the traditions of our own culture, traditions which are quite alien to theirs. So say the ethnologists.'
'Then I say we should hang the ethnologists along with the villagers!' said Zozimus. 'You, sir – are you an ethnologist?'
Eldegen Terzanagel hastily denied it, insisting that he was but a poor text-master, and was only defending the murderous wretches of Ink at Guest Gulkan's sword-point insistence.
'There!' said Zozimus, turning to the judge of the case. 'You see? Even the counsel for the defense has no confidence in his clients! He called them murderous wretches! Well, murderous they are, for use, but they can hardly be wretched, not after glutting themselves on generations of ill-gotten gold. I call for the death penalty!'
'You have called for that once already,' said Lord Onosh.
'But as judge of this case, I am happy for you to call for it twice, and I am happy to grant it.'
So Umbilskimp, Pedrick and Mung were sentenced to death. The Witchlord Onosh had very little choice in the matter of the sentence. The crime was grave, the evidence compelling and the guilt proven. Lord Onosh would have looked a capricious fool or a corrupt fraud had he pardoned the boat sellers.
With the boat-sellers having been sentenced to death, Guest Gulkan congratulated Zozimus on his able prosecution, and called for volunteers.
'I need a hangman,' said Guest. 'Preferably someone who has done the job before, but enthusiasm will serve in the absence of experience.'
Whereupon Thodric Jarl stepped forward, declaring he had both the enthusiasm and the experience. Guest appointed him as executioner, and the Rovac warrior set to work with a will.
Mung was the first man to be hung. His neck broke, and he was dead in moments. Pedrick suffered a similar fate. But when Jarl tried to hang Umbilskimp, the rope broke.
Umbilskimp fell heavily, then got to his feet uncertainly. Guest watched, feeling more than a little uncertain himself, as Thodric Jarl advanced upon the old man.
Thodric Jarl took Umbilskimp by the throat – just as Guest, on an earlier occasion, had taken Rolf Thelemite by the throat on a battlefield near Babaroth. But whereas Guest had meant to menace, Thodric Jarl had murder as his intent. Guest took a half- step forward, for he had half-decided that he had had enough.
'If you are a woman in your sentiments,' said the Witchlord Onosh, detecting his son's intentions, and finding himself unable to resist the temptation to exercise himself in a sneer, 'then it's best you step aside and let men have the governance of the empire.'
