“If you hadn’t noticed, I was a very willing participant.”
“Which was heady indeed. Truth be told, it overruled all else.”
“Then why are you taking it out on me? And why am I suddenly madam instead of Isabel, or even Izzy? You might believe you’re punishing yourself, but you are punishing me more. Why?”
He deflated just a bit, which hurt Isabel’s heart. Abandoning the door, he approached her. “Let me help you with the laces.”
“Fine, while you do, why not help me to understand what just happened here.”
“’Tis not a nice story,” he said, as he began lacing her like a pro.
“As if we all don’t have many of those. Spill, Arthur, please.”
“’Twas a time I was a bit too full of bluster. Too filled with my newfound power and fame. I was but a lad but wanted quite desperately to be a man.”
“I get that. But what does this have to do with us? With this?” she asked. “I believe the truth is in order.”
He sighed. “Yes, you deserve the truth.”
And a freaking good orgasm. But for now she’d settle for the truth. “Yes,” she said, trying desperately not to start crying.
He nodded. “Then the truth you shall have.” He gently pulled her hands from her dress, seeming to need something to do.
“Tell me, Arthur.”
“Where to begin?”
“Right after successfully freeing Excalibur.”
He nodded yet again. “Soon after I met a young lady enamored with me named Elizabeth. She was lovely and sweet. I was feeling bold and powerful, and felt the world was mine.”
“As you should. You had done something no one else could.”
He finished lacing her up, then turned and sat back in one chair. Isabel again sat in the other. “Go on,” she said.
“This sweet young girl allowed me to . . . make love with her. ’Twas a hurtful experience for her, as I was very much not as worldly in some things. ’Twas my first time as well.”
“You knew how to take swords out, but not quite how to put them in?” She saw his expression and chuckled. “I apologize. That joke was in very bad taste.”
He cocked his head. “Unfortunately, all too true. I had terrible nightmares about what I had done. For I left without an apology. I, after all, had more important missions to accomplish. A few years passed, yet the nightmare of that day still weighed on my mind. I attempted to contact her, to ask of her well-being. But I was told she passed in childbirth.”
“Holy shit! Here comes Mordred.”
“I had nary a clue that the child was mine. I swear this to be true. Her sister took over care of the child and led Mordred to believe she was his true mother. She had hatred of me, though I attempted to make peace with her. But she would have none of it. I counted and knew he had to be mine. ’Twas twisted, ’twas a horrid time for all. I tried to make all right, Isabel. I truly did.”
“I believe you, Arthur.”
“The reasoning for this story is to tell you how much I fear ever hurting another woman in such a way again. And you, Isabel, I fear hurting most.”
“I have to believe Gwen was also a virgin when you married her.”
“That is true, but I was very careful, knowing this. I was very careful to make certain no harm would come to her.”
“Then why did you freak out with me?”
“Freak out?”
“Why did you stop?”
He shook his head. “Do you not understand? My body was out of control. I wanted to take you. I wanted to ravish you.”
“So? I wanted to be ravished.”
Arthur stared at her. “I might have hurt you. I had already done that to another. I could not live with that.”
“Did I appear frightened?”
“No, Isabel, but ’tis because you have no knowledge of the pain a woman endures the first time.”
Like hell she didn’t. Brian Gordon had been just as clumsy and clueless as Arthur. And, hell yes, it had hurt like hell. But she got over it. Rather quickly, actually.
“You could have been just as gentle with me as with Gwen.”
“I could not.”
“Why not?”
“Because with Gwen I was in full control of my faculties. I had learned from that first experience with Elizabeth. And Gwen was more of a piece of fragile artistry. ’Twas easy to treat her as such.”
“I know I’m not a piece of fragile artistry, although the jury’s still out on how offended I am. But just what is so very different here?”
“I have told you, Isabel, with you I was not in control. ’Tis a fact that I have ne’er wanted a woman as I do you. Even as a lad, and full of lustful thoughts, ’twas not as this.”
Isabel wanted to scream. He was making no sense and at the same time too much. He was a gentleman and a gentle man. But her thrumming body was simply pissed off.
Then again it felt really good to hear that he had wanted her that badly. Why hadn’t she just said that of course she wasn’t a virgin? That she had had several lovers over the years? Good lord, at her age you’d think her vagina had closed over permanently if it had never been penetrated.
The moment had come and gone, however, and her hesitation had cost her. Big time. To blurt out now that in truth she was very familiar with what he would call bed sport would seem disingenuous. And would probably anger him because she hadn’t spoken the truth to begin with.
She stood up, feeling a kind of defeat like no other. “I thank you for your honesty, Arthur. I wish only that I had done the same when you asked.”
He, too, stood. “Your meaning?”
She couldn’t seem to meet his eyes. “It doesn’t matter now.”
He reached out and took her chin, forcing her to meet his all too probing gaze. “To me it matters a great deal. In the end, Isabel, truth is all we have.”
Oh, jeez, could she feel any worse? Her entire life in this land was a lie.
“May we discuss this at another time? Right now I am spent, and may I say, not in the way I had hoped. But I have much to do before the evening meal and need to get to it.”
He stared at her for what seemed an eternity, then gave a short, curt nod. “Another time, then. I, too, have obligations. I have not gone through my swording and bow skills as yet today, and must needs do this, lest I become fat and lazy. This evening, perhaps?”
Her laughter shook. It would take at least a year or more of total sloth for Arthur to gain a pound or lose an ounce of muscle. His body was finely toned from shoulders to toenails. At least it felt that way. How she wished she could have explored for herself. “Perhaps. We’ll see.”
“I will see you at the evening repast, then?”
“You will. I never miss a meal if I can help it.”
He chuckled. And then before she knew it, he cupped her head and ravished her mouth. Her hormones, which had finally started to go back into dormant mode, sprang back to life as if zapped with electricity.
Arthur kissed like no other man she knew. His lips were firm and sure, intent on molding hers to their bidding. His tongue made only an occasional appearance, to taste her mouth and touch her own tongue. He didn’t try to shove it down her throat as too many men had done, didn’t use it as an oral fuck, just playing and teasing and basically driving her crazy.
Long moments later he broke the kiss, but then laid his forehead against hers. “Oh, Isabel. Your taste and your scent and your feel are almost too much to bear,” he whispered.
