“I am very glad you think so.”
“And I repaid that with a betrayal that I regret deeply. If I were able to turn back time—”
“’Twould have changed nothing. It was fate that you and Lance fall in love. I could no more prevent that from happening than I can prevent rain or snow.”
“We could—”
“No,” he interrupted, “we cannot. You are still in love with Lance, as he is with you. Desperately so, as a matter of fact. Should you deny that now I will lose what little respect I have left for you. Not to mention I will never forgive you should you shatter Lance’s heart. I do not blame him. I blame you not, either.” He raised his hands and shrugged. “It just happened, Gwen. But that young man means a great deal to me, and I will look very poorly upon anyone who would harm him in any way.”
“So you still care about him but not your wife?”
“Gwen, if I did not care, you would be answering to a charge of treason right now. As I have said to you, too many times to count, I do not care what you and Lance do. I care only that you not be caught by any person who would have no trouble accusing you of crimes against the king. Right now there is no legal remedy here in Camelot for the predicament we find ourselves in. Although I am looking very seriously into a system they have in Dumont, where they may call for dissolution of marriage where neither man nor wife must admit to blame. I believe Countess Isabel calls it ‘no-fault dissolution.’ ”
“You have discussed the intimate details of our situation with the countess?”
“I admit that I have.”
“How dare you?”
“I dare, Guinevere, because I trust her. I trust her thoughts and opinions.”
She covered her flaming cheeks. “I am so . . . mortified that you shared something so personal with a virtual stranger.”
“She is no stranger. Whilst you were lying in bed, feigning illness, she has become a friend and colleague.”
Gwen stared at him and the truth cut deeply. “You have fallen in love with her.”
He hesitated only a moment before nodding. “That, yes, is true.”
“Does she realize?”
“I have a fair feeling that she is well aware, yes.”
“Does she . . . return your feelings for her?”
“I desperately hope that she does.”
“How dare you . . . shame me like this? How dare she come as a welcome guest only to—”
He pounded a fist on his desk, and the fire in his eyes had her shrinking back in her chair. “I dare you to finish that thought, Gwen. I dare you to logically finish that thought.”
She kept silent as he leaned forward, drilling her with his gaze. “What happened with Isabel was not planned or expected. Just as with you and Lance, it was fated to be. Would I change it if I could, as you seem to want to dismiss history? Not one chance in Hades. Other than that pesky problem that I am not free to ask her to marry me, I would not change a single thing.”
In the past, tears had always melted Arthur’s heart. Gwen knew they no longer had the power to move him. At least not her own tears.
“If not for what happened with Lance ...”
“But it did.”
“But if it did not?”
“Isabel would merely be another royal guest. Is that what you want to hear? That I would ne’er have betrayed my vows? If so, you would be right. I would most likely have looked upon her as another fresh mind to add to the mix of those who will gather here to meet and exchange ideas. But I already knew, Gwen. I already had my heart broken by you. When I saw her, I recognized that I had gotten over the heartbreak. And I felt free to want another.”
“I see.”
“I have no desire to hurt you, Gwen. This is not some kind of revenge. Had you not asked, I would not have said a word, as it is no one’s business but mine and Isabel’s. But you asked. And as you know, I value truth. And you deserve as much.”
She took a breath and squared her shoulders. “I realize my next question will sound selfish and self-serving, Arthur, but I must ask. Should there come a time when we are able to accomplish this no-fault, what will happen to me? What will happen to Lance?”
“You two will be free to marry.”
“But where? And how?”
“I have thought of this. If Lancelot prefers to stay in Briton, rather than return to his homeland, then I will lease land to the two of you, over which you will preside as leaders of whate’er you call it. You may start a new life together.”
She swallowed, hard. “But—”
“I anticipate your next question and will not allow you to humiliate yourself by forcing you to ask. I will take care of you for the rest of your days, Gwen. I will not leave you destitute. You will always be kept in comfort. That portion of my promises to you I will keep. I have no wish to see you struggle.”
“Lance will not allow us to be on your dole, Arthur.”
“Should he stay as a soldier at Camelot, he will be recompensed well. He is, after all, one of my finest and most loyal.” His smile was sadly cynical. “On the battlefield.”
“He loves you as a father, Arthur. It tears him up inside.”
“You may or may not take this as true, Gwen, but I believe that with everything in me. Did I not believe it, he would no longer be drawing breath.”
Gwen rose on shaky legs. “Believe this, Arthur. I also love you.”
“I believe that as well.”
“For then I would also not be drawing breath.”
“There is no chance I would have you harmed, Gwen. I cannot say as much for those so loyal that they would seek vengeance for their king.”
She shuddered. “All right, Arthur, so what now? How do we go forward from this moment?”
“You are queen. As such, you will attend to the duties asked of you in that capacity. To all around, nothing has changed.”
“Yes.”
“You have always been an excellent queen, Gwen. Do not begin to fake it now.”
“Yes, I understand.”
“Discretion, Gwen. Discretion.”
“Yes.”
“And, please, no more experiments with new foods. I truly do not want a repeat of the mushrooms. Most importantly, do not ever attempt to try them in foods being served to all.”
“I will not.”
Arthur stood. “One last thought, Gwen, that I must insist you carry with you at all times.”
“Yes?”
“Isabel saved your life. But not for her quick ministrations, we would not be having this conversation.”
“I am aware.”
“Whether you believe it or nay, she does truly care about you. She sympathizes with all of the twisted emotions swirling around us all. Should anything untoward happen to her, should I even see an unexplained scratch upon her person, you will see wrath as you have ne’er even imagined.”
Finally the tears Gwen had been trying so desperately to blink back came to surface. “She saved my life once days ago, Arthur. She came to me this morn to attempt to save it once again. This I will ne’er forget.”
“I hope you do not. As strange as this might sound to you, she would make an excellent friend and ally.”
“And as strange as this may sound, Arthur, I would so very much like to make her both.”
He nodded, walking her to the door. “You will not be sorry.”
