powerless. That you won't take action. Always . . . always I've done something to fight for myself . . . for others. No matter what.'
I'd never seen such outrage on Adrian's face. 'That's what you think of me? That I'm lazy? Powerless?'
Not exactly. But I had a feeling that after this conversation, he would run off to the comfort of his cigarettes and alcohol and maybe whatever female company he could find.
'No,' I said. 'I think you're amazing. I think you're strong. But I don't think you've realized it—or learned how to use any of that.' And, I wanted to add, I wasn't the person who could inspire that in him.
'This,' he said, moving toward the door, 'was the last thing I expected. You destroy my life and then feed me inspirational philosophy.'
I felt horrible, and it was one of those moments where I wished my mouth wouldn't just blurt out the first thing on my mind. I'd learned a lot of control—but not quite enough.
'I'm just telling you the truth. You're better than this . . . better than whatever it is you're going to do now.'
Adrian rested his hand on the doorknob and gave me a rueful look. 'Rose, I'm an addict with no work ethic who's likely going to go insane. I'm not like you. I'm not a superhero.'
'Not yet,' I said.
He scoffed, shook his head, and opened the door. Just before leaving, he gave me one more backward glance. 'The contract's null and void, by the way.'
I felt like I'd been slapped in the face. And in one of those rare moments, Rose Hathaway was rendered speechless. I had no witty quips, no elaborate explanations, and no profound insight.
Adrian left, and I wondered if I'd ever see him again.
THIRTY-SIX
I'D OFTEN DREAMED ABOUT waking up with Dimitri, waking up in a way that was . . . ordinary. Sweet. Not because we were hastily trying to catch sleep before fighting our next foe. Not because we were recovering from sex we had to hide, sex laden with baggage and myriad complications. I just wanted to wake up together, in his arms, and have it be a good morning.
Today was that day.
'How long have you been awake?' I asked drowsily. My head was on his chest, and I was wrapped against him as best as I could manage. My wounds were healing rapidly but still had to be babied. We'd found a few creative workarounds last night. Sunlight now spilled in through the windows, filling my bedroom with gold.
He was watching me in that quiet, solemn way of his, with those dark eyes that were so easy to get lost in. 'A little while,' he admitted, lifting his gaze to the sunlight-filled window. 'I think I'm still on a human schedule. Either that, or my body just wants to be up when the sun is. Seeing it is still amazing to me.'
I stifled a yawn. 'You should have gotten up.'
'I didn't want to disturb you.'
I ran my fingers over his chest, sighing in contentment. 'This is perfection,' I said. 'Is every day going to be like this?'
Dimitri rested his hand on my cheek and then moved down, tipping my chin up. 'Not every day but most days.'
Our lips met, and the warmth and light in the room paled compared to what burned inside me. 'I was wrong,' I murmured when we finally broke the long, languid kiss. '
He smiled, something he was doing an awful lot of lately. I loved it. Things would probably change once we were back out in the world. Even if we were together now, Dimitri's guardian side would always be there, ready and watchful. But not right now. Not in this moment.
'What's the matter?' he asked me.
With a start, I realized I'd begun to frown. I tried to relax my face. Unbidden, Adrian's words had come back to me, that the next time I was in bed with Dimitri, I should think about others who weren't so lucky.
'Do you think I ruin lives?' I asked.
'What? Of course not.' The smile changed to shock. 'Where would you get that idea?'
I shrugged. 'There are just a lot of people whose lives are still kind of a mess. My friends, I mean.'
'True,' he said. 'And let me guess. You want to fix everyone's problems.'
I didn't answer.
Dimitri kissed me again. 'Roza,' he said, 'it's normal to want to help the people you love. But you can't fix everything.'
'It's what I do,' I countered, feeling a little petulant. 'I protect people.'
'I know, and that's one of the reasons I love you. But for now, you only have to worry about protecting one person: Lissa.'
I stretched out against him, noticing my injuries really were constantly improving. My body would be able to do all sorts of things soon. 'I suppose that means we can't stay in bed all day?' I asked hopefully.
'Afraid not,' he said, lightly running his fingertips along the curve of my hip. He never seemed to get tired of studying my body. 'They come first.'
I brought my mouth back toward his. 'But not for a little while.'
'No,' he agreed. His hand slid up to the back of my neck, tangling in my hair as he drew me closer. 'Not for a little while.'
I had never attended a royal coronation before, and honestly, I hoped I never would again. I only wanted there to be this one queen ruling in my lifetime.
Eerily, the coronation was kind of a reverse of Tatiana's funeral. What was the old saying?
Custom dictated the monarch-to-be spend the first part of the coronation day at the church, presumably to pray for guidance, strength, and all that spiritual stuff. I wasn't sure what custom did in the case of atheist monarchs. Probably they faked it. With Lissa, who was fairly devout, I knew that wasn't a problem and that she was probably legitimately praying she'd do a good job as queen.
After the vigil, Lissa and a huge procession walked back across Court to the palace building, where the crowning took place. Representatives from all the royal families joined her, along with musicians who were playing much more cheerful tunes than they had for Tatiana's procession. Lissa's guardians—she had a fleet now—walked with her. I was among them, wearing my finest black and white, including the red collar marking me as a royal guardian. Here, at least, was a notable difference from the funeral. Tatiana had been dead; her guardians were for show. Lissa was very much alive, and even if she'd won the Council's vote, she still had enemies. My colleagues and I were on high alert.
Not that you'd think we needed to be, not with the way the onlookers cheered. All those who had camped out during the trials and election had stayed for this fanfare, and more had shown up still. I wasn't sure when there'd ever been this many Moroi in one place.
After the long and winding walk, Lissa made it to the palace building and then waited in a small antechamber adjacent to what served as the Moroi throne room. The throne room was almost never used for modern business, but every once in a while—like a new queen being sworn in—the Moroi liked to pull out ancient traditions. The room was small and couldn't hold all the witnesses from outside. It couldn't even hold the entire procession. But, the Council and highest-ranking royal members were there, along with some select invitees of Lissa's.
I stood off to the side, watching the glamour unfold. Lissa hadn't made her grand entrance yet, so there was a low hum of conversation. The room was all green and gold, having been given a thorough and fast remodel in the last few days, since custom dictated the ruling family's colors dominate the throne room. The throne itself sat high against the far wall, accessible by steps. Carved of wood I could no longer identify, I knew the throne had been carried around the world by Moroi monarchs for centuries. People were lining up in carefully assigned
