he goes to bed with mama and has to fight his way through rolls of fat to find her unwashed cunt.
I mean, given a choice, mama would be exiled to the kitchen and the man would be sleeping with daughter all the time. So mama, through the centuries, shows that incest is evil, perverted and sinful. Like, incest doesn't always produce idiots. Take the Egyptians. They, the rulers, had an incestuous society and they kept a damned fine civilization going for six thousand years.
So I don't cringe and call myself evil because I used to screw my father and my brother. Shit, I loved every minute of it. I remember well the first time Ruf and I were able to complete the act. We'd been' playing around for a long time and no one thought anything of our sleeping together. Hell, we had to. There weren't enough beds in the house. And we took baths together because we had to heat the water on the stove and by taking a bath together we saved on water and wood and labor. So I knew from the time I was a baby that Ruf and I were different. I resented it for a long time, because he seemed to have so much fun with his weenie. That's what he- called it. When we started becoming aware of sex-he was aware of it first, of course, his weenie was a little worm of a thing and I paid no attention to it most of the time. Then someone taught him that there were things to do with it and he started educating me. We'd go to bed at night and I'd feel him moving and I'd tell him to stop it so I could go to sleep. Finally, I realized that he was doing something to his weenie.
I guess he felt guilty, because the first time I reached over and felt his hand on his weenie, which had changed from a little worm into a hard little stick, he made me move over and he stopped. But it didn't take long for me to know when he was playing with himself and I'd lie there and listen and wonder why he was doing it. I asked and he said it felt good and that if I told mama he'd whup me. I said I wouldn't tell if he'd let me do it. He sort of snickered. So I put my hand on his hard little stick and fumbled around and he showed me how to do it, moving the foreskin up and down, holding it just so in my hand and moving my hand slow and then fast and when I made him come for the first time and the little stick throbbed in my hand and lie made grunting sounds, I didn't know what was going on.
Out behind the outhouse, he made me, asked me, he didn't have to make me, take down my panties and show him my 'thing.' He fingered it and played with it and told me that if he could put his weenie in me that we'd both feel good. Hell, the way he enjoyed it when I played with his weenie, I was willing to try anything to feel the way he seemed to feel. We tried it standing up against the side of the outhouse and he couldn't get it in. I had my legs close together, not knowing anything about how to do it and he didn't know much more. We played around and couldn't do anything and then I ended it by playing with his weenie until it throbbed.
I must have been about seven when I started masturbating Ruf. And that went on, oh, a couple or three years before Ruf, all excited, with a hard on, got me into the bedroom one afternoon with no one else in the house. He had one of the old fashioned cartoon pora booklets showing Popeye and Olive cutting it. He said, 'See, this is the way they do it.' Olive was on her back, her legs thrown up to the ceiling, and Popeye was thrusting a huge cock into her and grinning happily.
'I guess I have to- take all my clothes off, huh?' I asked. 'I reckon so,' he agreed. 'Me too.'
So we skinned out and I lay down on the bed, threw my legs up in the air and Ruf crawled between them with his erection and started trying to punch into my little girl's twat. I, of course, was completely dry and tight as hell and he couldn't find the hole. He tried to put it into my belly, into the pudenda and into my anus. I balked at that.
We must have been backassward, because it took us about two weeks, even after seeing how it was done, before, one day, Ruf punched and used his hips and I felt his weenie slip in and push hard and I yelled, because it hurt, I was so dry, but he, feeling his cock in me, wouldn't let me up and so, about ten, I was no longer virgin, having been penetrated by my brother.
I felt him throb in me and I kept waiting for that good, good feeling he'd promised me. He kept talking about how great fucking was and I didn't get the first thrill. He went so fast that I felt nothing. I was game, however, and the next time he wanted me to take all my clothes off I did. I stuck my feet pointed-toed up in the air, like in the fucking cartoons, and he went at it. Nothing. 'Shit,' I said. 'I ain't gonna let you do it any more.'
He fussed and fumed and tried, for a long time, to do it again, but I wasn't having any of it. I could get my good feeling from rubbing myself with a soapy wash cloth or by rubbing myself, after having put some butter on my twat. I wasn't going to let Ruf have fun when I didn't just because he wanted to. We had some grand fights and he tried to rape me a couple of times, but when you're about the same size, Ruf was still just a kid and didn't do his growing until later, it's hard for a boy to rape a girl, especially when her twat is dry and tight.
I was wondering, at this'stage of my life, if I hadn't been cheated by being made a girl. Ruf told me about screwing a girl down the road and how much fun it was, but I wouldn't believe him when he said she enjoyed it, too. All I ever felt with Ruf was stuffed. I went on for a few years doing my thing. I mean, I'd play with myself until I was panting and shivery and then I'd come and feel good and lie there and doze for a while and do it again.
The next thing I remember about Ruf was his pride when he reached puberty. By that time we were not sleeping together. My mother, bless her fuddled head, had heard in church that it wasn't nice for young kids to sleep together, so she put a cot into the room and made Ruf sleep on it. When it was cold he'd come and get in bed with me and feel me up and cuddle for warmth, but he'd given up on screwing me, for I steadfastly refused. But when he discovered that he'd become a man he came up to me one day and said, 'I've got something to show you.'
Mother was out in the kitchen. We went into our room and he sat down on the edge of my bed and took out his cock. 'Shit, I've seen that thing,' I said. 'Just look,' he said. 'Jack it off.'
'I'm not gonna let you do it to me,' I said. 'You don't know how or something.' 'Naw, just jack it off.'
I put my hands on it and began to masturbate him. 'Matter of fact,' he said, 'we can't ever do it again.' 'Why?' I asked, relieved, but curious, 'I'm gonna show you why.'
I worked on him and he began to move his hips, thrusting into my hands. He came and I gasped, because instead of just throbbing the way it always did, the sonofabitch reared back and spit at me. It spit out a white, thick fluid which got all over my hands and arm. I took his shirt tail and began to wipe it off. 'That's come,' he said proudly. 'So?'
'That's why I can't fuck you ever again.' 'Well, that's no skin pff my ass,' I said. 'That's what makes girls have babies,' he said. I was interested. 'You're shitting me,' I said.
'No,' he said. 'If I fucked you and pumped that come into you you'd swell up and have a baby.'
I couldn't believe it. I went into the school library and couldn't find a thing about having babies and then I went to the public library and found out that sure enough it's come that makes girls have babies and I was a little envious about it, because I couldn't do anything like that. All I could do was rub myself and throb inside. But I also learned that I couldn't have a baby until something happened inside to me, and I thought seriously about trying it again with Ruf, just to feel how it felt when the come came out. But I didn't.
I came into womanhood late, about thirteen, I'd guess. It scared the shit out of me to start bleeding like a stuck 'pig, but I talked to the school nurse and she straightened me out and gave me a box of Kotex. She also told me how girls get in trouble and she said, 'Don't ever let a boy have intercourse with you.' She said, 'They'll tell you that it will be safe with contraceptives, but they've been known to break.'
I knew what she meant. Ruf carried a three pack of rubbers in his pocket all the time. He always was willing to tell me about his sexual adventures. He was getting it regularly from the girl down the road and one time he sweated blood for a while, because, in the heat of action, the rubber broke and he unloaded about a quart right up his girl friend's old kazoo and until she came around with the red flag there was one worried stud carrying a new three pack of rubbers and cursing them every time he saw them.
So, I was almost sixteen before I had my first load of come, before I found out that fucking is one of life's most pleasurable items.
I got sick when I was fourteen and we had to go on the welfare, because Juby was off in jail again. The welfare people sent me to a doctor and he poked around in me and said I needed an operation. I told my mother and she said, 'Pray, Ruby, and the Lord will heal you.' He didn't, but I didn't pray too much. I spent about two years of pure hell, with irregular periods, thinking maybe I was pregnant from a cucumber, being just miserable. Then the welfare people sent me to the hospital and the doctor didn't even have to remove the whole works, but he left me a helluva playpen. He told me, sadly, that I'd never know the joy of motherhood, because I'd been born messed up and had not had early treatment, but all I was thinking was, hey, now I can do it and not have to worry about getting pregnant like other girls.
