the world became clear and in focus. My field of vision became again very round and ample, and with it came an ordinary conscious act, which was to turn around and look for that marvellous being. At this point I encountered the most difficult transition. The passage from my normal state had taken place almost without my realizing it: I was aware; my thoughts and feelings were a corollary of that awareness; and the passing was smooth and clear. But this second change, the awakening to serious, sober consciousness, was genuinely shocking. I had forgotten I was a man! The sadness of such an irreconcilable situation was so intense that I wept.
Later that morning, after breakfast, the owner of the house, don Juan, and I drove back to don Juan's place. I was very tired, but I couldn't go to sleep in the track. Only after the man had left did I fall asleep on the porch of don Juan's house.
When I woke up it was dark; don Juan had covered me up With a blanket, I looked for him, but he was not in the house. He came later with a pot of fried beans and a stack of tortillas. I was extremely hungry.
After we had finished eating and were resting he asked me to tell him all that had happened to me the night before. I related my experience in great detail and as accurately as possible.
When I had finished he nodded his head and said, 'I think you are fine. It is difficult for me to explain now how and why. But I think it went all right for you. You see, sometimes he is playful, like a child; at other times he is terrible, fearsome. He either frolics, or he is dead serious. It is impossible to know beforehand what he will be like with another person. Yet, when one knows him well — sometimes. You played with him tonight. You are the only person I know who has had such an encounter.'
'In what way does my experience differ from that of others?'
'You're not an Indian; therefore it is hard for me to figure out what is what. Yet he either takes people or rejects them, regardless of whether they are Indians or not. That I know. I have seen numbers of them. I also know that he frolics, he makes some people laugh, but never have I seen him play with anyone.'
'Canyou tell me now, don Juan, how does peyote protect…'
He did not let me finish. Vigorously he touched me on the shoulder.
'Don't you ever name him that way. You haven't seen enough of him yet to know him.'
'How does Mescalito protect people?'
'He advises. He answers whatever questions you ask.
'Then Mescalito is real? I mean he is something you can see?'
He seemed to be baffled by my question. He looked at me with a sort of blank expression.
'What I meant to say, is that Mescalito…'
'I heard what you said. Didn't you see him last night?
I wanted to say that I saw only a dog, but I noticed his bewildered look.
'Then you think what I saw last night was him?'
He looked at me with contempt. He chuckled, shook his head as though he couldn't believe it, and in a very belligerent tone he added, A poco crees que era tu — mama [Don't tell me you believe it was your — mama]?' He paused before saying 'mama' because what he meant to say was '/к chingada madre', an idiom used as a disrespectful allusion to the other party's mother. The word 'mama' was so incongruous that we both laughed for a long time.
Then I realized he had fallen asleep and had not answered my question.
I drove don Juan to the house where I had taken peyote. On the way he told me that the name of the man who had 'offered me to Mescalito' was John. When we got to the house we found John sitting on his porch with two young men. All of them were extremely jovial, They laughed and talked with great ease. The three of them spoke English perfectly. I told John that I had come to thank him for having helped me.
I wanted to get their views on my behaviour during the hallucinogenic experience, and told them I had been trying to think of what I had done that night and that I couldn't remember. They laughed and were reluctant to talk about it. They seemed to be holding back on account of don Juan. They all glanced at him as though waiting for an affirmative cue to go on. Don Juan must have cued them, although I did not notice anything, because suddenly John began to tell me what I had done that night.
He said he knew I had been 'taken' when he heard me puking. He estimated that I must have puked thirty times. Don Juan corrected him and said it was only ten times.
John continued: 'Then we all moved next to you. You were stiff, and were having convulsions. For a very long time, while lying on your back, you moved your mouth as though talking. Then you began to bump your head on the floor, and don Juan put an old hat on your head and you stopped it. You shivered and whined for hours, lying on the floor. I think everybody fell asleep then; but I heard you puffing and groaning in my sleep. Then I heard you scream and I woke up. I saw you leaping up in the air, screaming. You made a dash for the water, knocked the pan over, and began to swim in the puddle.
'Don Juan brought you more water. You sat quietly in front of the pan. Then you jumped up and took off all your clothes. You were kneeling in front of the water, drinking in big gulps. Then you just sat there and stared into space. We thought you were going to be there forever. Nearly everybody was asleep, including don Juan, when suddenly you jumped up again, howling, and took after the dog. The dog got scared and howled too, and ran to the back of the house. Then everybody woke up.
'We all got up. You came back from the other side still chasing the dog. The dog was running ahead of you barking and howling. I think you must have gone twenty times around the house, running in circles, barking like a dog. I was afraid people were going to be curious. There are no neighbours close, but your howling was so loud it could have been heard for miles.'
One of the young men added, 'You caught up with the dog and brought it to the porch in your arms.'
John continued: 'Then you began to play with the dog. You wrestled with him, and the dog and you bit each other and played. That, I thought, was funny. My dog does not play usually. But this time you and the dog were rolling on each other.'
'Then you ran to the water and the dog drank with you,' the young man said. 'You ran five or six times to the water with the dog.'
'How long did this go on?' I asked.
'Hours,' John said. 'At one time we lost sight of you two. I think you must have run to the back. We just heard you barking and groaning. You sounded so much like a dog that we couldn't tell you two apart.'
'Maybe it was just the dog alone,' I said.
They laughed, and John said, 'You were barking there, boy!'
'What happened next?'
The three men looked at one another and seemed to have a hard time deciding what happened next. Finally the young man who had not yet said anything spoke up.
'He choked,' he said, looking at John.
'Yes, you certainly choked. You began to cry very strangely, and then you fell to the floor. We thought you were biting your tongue; don Juan opened your jaws and poured water on your face. Then you started shivering and having convulsions all over again. Then you stayed motionless for a long time. Don Juan said it was all over. By then it was morning, so we covered you with a blanket and left you to sleep on the porch.'
He stopped there and looked at the other men who were obviously trying not to laugh. He turned to don Juan and asked him something. Don Juan smiled and answered the question. John turned to me and said, 'We left you here on the porch because we were afraid you were going to piss all over the rooms.'
They all laughed very loudly.
'What was the matter with me?' I asked. 'Did I…'
'Did you?' John son of mimicked me. 'We were not going to mention it, but don Juan says it is all right. You pissed all over my dog!'
'What did I do?'
'You don't think the dog was running because he was afraid of you, do you? The dog was running because you were pissing on him.'
There was general laughter at this point. I tried to question one of the young men, but they were all laughing and he didn't hear me.
John went on: 'My dog got even though; he pissed on you too!'
